


Challenge: 2,000 (1,500) Words Every Day for 30 Days

by vampgirltish



Category: Original Work
Genre: (don't worry jackson's only bi in one story), (so far at least), Abuse, Abusive Relationship, Alcohol, Aliens, Angst, Apartment Life, Apartments, Arguments, Art Shows, Bisexuality, Blindness, Blood, Body Worship, Cats, Chicago, Childhood, Colorblindness, Coming Out, Coping, Crushes, Dance Competitions, Dancing, Death, Distrust, Drugs, English, Entity, Experimental, Family, Fantasy, Fire Alarms, Fires, First Date, First Dates, Flashbacks, Flying, Forbidden Love, Gay Romance, Getting Lost, Gods, Growing Up Together, Hate Crimes, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Innocence, Kingdoms, Korean, Lies, Lost - Freeform, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Marriage, Medieval AU, Meeting Family, Memories, Miscommunication, Moving Away, Negative Thoughts, Nevada, Parties, Photography, Planets, Playgrounds, Plot Twists, Pranks, Proposals, Reno - Freeform, Reuniting, Road Trips, Shakespearean Language, Slurs, Small Towns, Songfic, Songs, Soulmates, Stars, TERRIBLE trash short stories, Texting, Thanksgiving, The Great Gatsby - Freeform, Trust, Vampires, Violence, Wedding Proposal, Weddings, abusive relationships ?, ballerinas, blind, colorblind, coping with loss of a loved one, depictions of injuries, drug mention, fight and make up, gay shit, homophobic violence, im very tired, implied sex? i guess?, jay gatsby - Freeform, kind of, kings - Freeform, literally based on a song, loss of a loved one, mentions of other random af dudes, movie theater, multi language (for one chapter), mushy loving talk, not inherently obviously abusive it's just one of them is a dick, parks, poorly translated, sappy fluffy romance, sex mention, song lyrics in the story, sort of, space, suicidal thought mention, universe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-08-31 07:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 56,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8569027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampgirltish/pseuds/vampgirltish
Summary: Writing 2,000 words every day for 30 days is actually really hard. At least I get to write stories for school!This "story" is actually just a collection for all of the stories because I don't want to post them each individually. Each chapter is its own story and may or may not connect to the rest of the stories in this collection. Proceed at your own risk. Also, I'm sorry for all this trash.EDIT: Later on in this, I only end up doing 1,500 for a lot of these because I couldn't do 2,000. Just an FYI.





	1. Fly / Wonder Boy

There was always something so fascinating with the risk of flying. Flying just by sheer will. Theodore always felt that way. He always saw something special with flying… Feeling the release of the tensions in his body as he flew up into the clouds, the mist speckling against his skin. The dusky sunset was creeping down to a darker sky, but he doesn’t mind. Flying there he felt weightless. He never really took anyone along with him when he went up into the sky. He would just run and lift off the ground. Fly over roller-coaster tracks, ferris wheel cars, the amusement park quickly becoming a dot under his feet as the clouds sucked him right up into their hold. They were cold… but they felt like home to him. 

But flying like that became something addictive. People only flew to get from point A to point B via plane. Theodore flew to get away from point A and point B through his own volition. He wanted to get away from the stresses of the Earth and float lazily with the clouds. He always had felt like the sky was the place he belonged. He didn’t really know what that meant. 

As he continued his day-to-day life, the itch to fly creeped up even more. The itch to keep going, soar higher and higher. Straight up… right towards the sun. The next plan he had was to jump right off of a building and fly away. He had no fear…. He knew that he could catch himself as he fell. The itch grew stronger as he kept living his life and he felt an uncomfortable itch on his back, a physical itch he couldn’t seem to scratch no matter how much his nails grazed his skin.

Theodore couldn’t place it for the longest time… but when he got out of the shower one day, and found his towel catching on his back, he turned around and glanced in the mirror. Double-take. A series of small, white feathers growing on his back on either of his shoulderblades. He had never heard of this happening… Was he the only one? This was such an odd concept to him… Feathers on his back? The only feather-backed creatures he knew were birds...angels...Icarus… What did they all do?

Fly.

They all flew. Like he did. He was the only one who flew… and he was the only one with these feathers. He couldn’t very well go to his doctor and ask about it. They’d pluck them away, cart him away for science. He didn’t want that. Didn’t want to lose his freedom to fly away. So he left it, let the feathers stay on his back.

Steadily over the next few months, they grow more and more, the feathers bigger and thicker, and he began to grow bones and skin and flesh underneath them. The physical itch of the wings and the emotional itch of the desire to fly were starting to become annoying… hard to ignore. He had to keep this secret, which made it harder. He only flew in places where he wouldn’t be seen, but it was getting harder to hide these growths on his back.

The months continue to pass, and now he has wings… They weren’t fully grown wings yet, just wings that feebly flapped. He didn’t even need the wings… he could fly of his own will anyways. Why was he getting these wings? To go higher? Faster? Further? He wasn’t sure. The wings kept growing, getting bigger. They were harder to hide from strangers. Eventually he has to get his groceries through the mail, not able to leave his house because of the large wings that forced him to be without a shirt. He started marking where they were on his back, cutting holes in his shirts for them to fit through. He didn’t know what else to do with his nonexistent sewing skills. With all his free time, he started learning how to sew, how to cook better, and a few other skills. Knot-tying, knife skills, self-defense. He took interest in odd things.

Theodore eventually manages to sew himself a shirt with snaps at the back that he can snap up to the bottom of his wings, so that they comfortably fit. The snaps were a bit hard to do, so he also tries to make one with a zipper. Equally hard to sew, but easier to do up than the snaps. The wings were getting pretty big now, still that beautiful white that he’d always had. The peaks of the wings reached a half a foot above his head, the bottoms of the lowest feathers at the base of his wings brushing against the backs of his thighs. He struggled to shower, didn’t really know how to clean the feathers past letting the water run through them. He had to make everyday adjustments, but he was learning.

He sometimes would leave his house… not far, just to the parks. And he would go at night, when people wouldn’t see his wings and ask. He’d find release and just fly for a few hours every night he could. He finally lived the dream of jumping off the precipice of a building, not letting his flight catch him yet as he falls--fast, faster, fastest almost to the ground and then he catches himself. Like a cord pulled taut he snaps straight vertical, feet inches from the ground, inches from his death and he floats there. His heart was racing and the adrenaline was racing through him. That was the thrill he always loved with flying. Being able to catch himself as he plummeted to the earth. He couldn’t believe how fantastic this felt… he forgot how good it felt. 

One of the nights, he flies up into the clouds again, peeking up above them. He hears the sounds of a voice… luring him. He knows, every mythological story has taught him such, that this could be a sign of trouble, but he’s fascinated. The voice is beautiful, warm and soft and inviting. A gentle call… He follows the sound of it through the clouds, the mist sticking to his body and his clothes, making him damp and cold as he goes. The moon looks huge, the stars twinkling bright and clear without the disguise of the clouds to hide behind. The man in the moon seems to wink coyly at him as he flies, following the sounds of the singing. The beautiful voice…

He sees a silhouette against the moon, the light struggling to force its way through the dark black wings. Shaggy, blonde hair… it was a guy. His curiosity is piqued as the guy keeps singing.

He flies closer. Theodore sees that the figure’s wings were flapping. Did… he need to use his wings to fly? Theodore brings himself to speak, “Hello?”

The boy looks at him, “...Hello.”

“Who are you?” Theodore breathes out. His voice is so soft, probably drowned out by the wind.

“Jackson,” he says. His voice holds an air of confidence, as if Theodore was supposed to know his name, and commit to his memory. Theodore had planned on committing it to memory.

“So… you can fly?” he asks. Stupidly.

But Jackson laughs, his laughter an awful hyena laugh. Almost more of a scream than a laugh. But it was endearing, fit him nicely comparative to the seemingly un-awkward nature of his physique. He was fit, lean and handsome, with a facial structure unfamiliar to him. High cheekbones, dark pink lips, and a slightly curved nose. He appeared to be of Asian descent, but Theodore wasn’t too sure. His ears were pierced, earrings dangling and moving slightly in the breeze and under the movements of Jackson’s careful wing movements to stay afloat and still to talk with Theodore. His eyes were interesting all on their own. A dark color that almost could have been said to be black… but perhaps they were just a dark brown. He couldn’t see them very well. Jackson was… well, shirtless. Theodore feels a little self-conscious of his poorly sewn zippered shirts now.

“Hello? Anyone home?” Jackson says. He guessed Jackson had answered his question while Theodore had been lost in thought inspecting his features and he hadn’t heard it. 

“What? I’m sorry,” he apologizes. “I zoned out.”

“Clearly,” he says with another giggle, this one a little more subdued. “I said that yeah, I could fly.”

Theodore can’t believe he’s met another person who can fly. “Do you… fly just by thinking about it?”

“No,” Jackson says. “That seems… silly. And impossible. I fly because of my wings. Duh. Isn’t that how you fly too?”

Theodore looks at Jackson for a long time, searching his face to see how seriously he’d take it. But he decides to just play a trick on him. He stops flying, and his body sinks, starting to fall back through the clouds and back towards Earth, gaining speed and hurtling.

“Jesus christ,” he hears Jackson say quickly, hears the hard flap of wings chasing after him. He can see his figure, the blonde hair whipping in his eyes as Theodore falls faster faster faster to Earth. Adrenaline coursing in his veins again. This was the most satisfying experience, better than anything else. Jackson is chasing after him, pumping his wings as hard as he can to try to keep up, but it’s not enough. His wings can’t pump faster than the speed Theodore was gaining hurtling to earth. Theodore stops suddenly, catching himself and flying again. Jackson zooms past him, stopping several hundred feet below and looking around before looking up. He flies back up, stopping face-to-face with Theodore. “You’re insane. You know that? You could have died!”

Theodore doesn’t react to that statement, instead saying, “Look. My wings aren’t flapping.”

Jackson stares, wide-eyed. This was true… Theodore flew by his own will, Jackson flew with his wings. “Woah… What’s your name, wonder boy?”

_ Wonder boy… _ Theodore thinks. He wouldn’t mind being called that. “Isn’t that part of the mystery of it all, Jackson?”

“The mystery of what?”

“You use your wings, and I don’t. Why can’t I be called wonder boy?”

“Just tell me your name, idiot.”

“Theodore.”

“Alright, Theodore.” Jackson giggles a little again, starting to fly and gain speed and altitude as Theodore follows. Jackson speaks over his shoulder, “You’re still wonder boy to me, though.”

Theodore flies with Jackson every night. They get closer and closer, sharing their stories. Jackson ran away from home after his father had abused him for his wings. Tried to take his feathers, pluck them out from his wings. “Hurt like hell,” he muttered. Theodore talked about how his family wasn’t terrible or anything, but he didn’t have any friends which sucked. He felt lame for complaining of such minor things after Jackson’s awful past, but Jackson nudged his head against Theodore’s shoulder as he giggled, a sign of affection that he seemed to favor. “Don’t sell yourself short. Being lonely sucks almost as much as being abused by your parent.” A terrible joke… But Theodore supposed Jackson had to joke about it to mask his hurt. 

Jackson kept calling Theodore his wonder boy. He wondered why Jackson thought so highly of him, seeing as Theodore was just… well, Theodore. But Jackson seemed to see all the stars in the sky in him. Nestled amongst all the clouds, they fly and look at the stars together, counting shooting stars and the planets that they could see. The night sky was always clearer up here without the shroud of clouds, and Theodore’s head was always clearer up there with Jackson. Things felt so calm and right. 

Things felt even more calm, even more right and clear when Jackson tugged him closer by their intertwined hand and pressed his soft lips to Theodore’s. This was new… He’d kissed girls in high school but this felt… better. More familiar and safe. His free hand presses against Jackson’s chest, bracing himself as they kiss. When he pulls away, Jackson’s got the stars in his eyes this time. “Makes sense that I keep calling you wonder boy. You really are something.”

Theodore can’t hide the smile on his face and Jackson smiles back, mirroring it. His face scrunches adorably and Theodore’s heart swells. Jackson may not have been the first kiss Theodore had ever had, but he was the first person he ever felt like he was in love with. 

The next night, Theodore squeezes his hand, pulling him down below the clouds again to that same building he’d jumped off many months ago before catching himself. “I want to show you something…”

Jackson follows, fully trusting him. They stand on the edge of the building, toes hanging off of the concrete ledge dangerously. “Do you trust me?”

“Absolutely,” Jackson replies without hesitation. 

If he held Jackson’s hand tight enough, he’d catch them both. If they held tight enough. “Don’t let go of my hand,” he tells him. Jackson squeezes his hand in response. “Three… two… one…” He leans forward and lets gravity tug him off the edge, Jackson catching and dragging behind him, They gain speed, going faster faster to the earth. Theodore looks over to see him looking at him, with a calm trusting smile on his face. Jackson trusted him wholeheartedly. They get faster, almost to earth when Theodore pulls back and they catch, toes again inches from the ground. Jackson looks at Theodore with wide eyes, letting Theodore pull him closer by their twined hands as they settle gently to the ground in the middle of the street. Jackson offers him one short, quick kiss before whispering softly, “You still surprise me, wonder boy.”


	2. Shutterbug

For as much as his teachers complained every time he turned in a Polaroid photo and insisted he get an actual DSLR camera, those same teachers also praised him for his gorgeous photography. Jackson only took photos with a classic Polaroid SX-70. The only camera he’d ever owned and the only camera he’d ever seemed to like. He’d tried fifteen different ones with his dad at Best Buy, but none of them suited him the same way the dingy, clunky old thing from their attic did. With every assignment from his teachers, he would produce excellent photos on the grainy film, and even they couldn’t argue their quality.

Jackson had loved photography even from a young age. His parents would order film for the SX-70 in bulk because he’d go through the film so quickly. He would take photos of everything and tape them up on his wall, tack them up on his corkboard, stick them on the fridge. As he got older, his photography became more refined, more practiced and serious. Now, in college, his rule of photography was that he only took pictures of beautiful things. Beautiful was subjective, which made the idea all the more interesting. What was beautiful to him may not be beautiful to everyone else and that was the magic of his photos. 

The only kind of photography he hated was photographing people. He was never sneaky enough to get candids, especially because his camera had a very noticeably loud shutter. The flash would go off unwarranted sometimes. Doing model photos was even worse because of how much film he’d waste trying to get the perfect shot. For every fifteen photos he took for modeling, only two of them would work. Photographing people was such a particular craft, far too difficult for him it felt like.

So it only was logical for his teacher to assign a project of photographing people. Specifically, photographing a specific person doing a variety of things in their life. Candid photos… Less hard than models but much more awkward. If he gets caught, he’ll have to explain and be stared at. And it’s hard for him to be missed, a five foot nine guy with bright blonde hair.  Still… he has confidence he can pull this off. A five-photo set of these candid photos. He wanders around campus after class, trying to find someone he can photograph. The hard thing with candids is that it’s usually easier to get them when you ask, but then the person is aware they’re being photographed.

He spots a boy with black, shaggy hair sitting outside one of the study halls on campus. He’s munching on some sort of food, coffee on the table and book in his lap. He seemed pretty focused, Jackson might get away with this if he really tries. Jackson makes his way over to the tables, sitting a few tables over, but close enough that his camera could get a nice clear photo. He pretends to be fiddling with the settings as he lines up his shot, snapping the first one. The shutter goes off loudly and the guy looks up for the source of the sound. “Sorry, adjusting my camera settings,” Jackson says quickly. 

The guy looks back down, reading his book some more. Jackson keeps mock-fiddling with his camera’s settings, waiting for the right time to take another picture of this guy. As he watches the guy through his lens, he can see his features. The black shaggy hair, straight nose, sweet smile, a dimple on his cheek as he read his book. His ring-fingernails were painted but none of the others were. He wore a few silvery rings on his hands. He wore dark clothes, but he seemed nice enough if his smile was any indication. Jackson snaps another photo of him as he smiles at his book, his other hand clutched around his coffee cup. The guy reads for awhile before closing his book shut and placing it on the table. He leans back, looking up at the trees and the sky, turning his chair for what would make the most perfect profile shot. Jackson snags a nice photo of him, his eyes closed and the wind gently blowing against his raven hair, the trees contrasting against his pale freckled skin. The shutter was loud, obvious, but he at least had his excuse still.

The excuse didn’t work as well anymore when he snapped yet another one when a butterfly had landed on the tip of the guy’s nose and the guy smiled brightly. The butterfly flapped away and the guy turned to him, “Why are you taking so many photos of me?”

“I’m testing my settings,” Jackson tries again.

“For four photos? Doesn’t seem very likely. What are you doing?”

“...Listen, uh, it’s for my photography class. I have to do this project--”

“Alright. Are you going to be taking any more?”

“Just… one more,” Jackson says. “Maybe two if one of them doesn’t turn out. I’m sorry.”

The guy nods. “What’s your name?”

“...Jackson,” he says.

“Theodore,” the guy replies. That sweet smile creeps back on his face. “You could have just asked if you wanted to take pictures of me.”

“They’re supposed to be candids,” Jackson says, “so I couldn’t really ask you without them being false. If that makes any sense…”

Theodore nods, surprisingly, “I get it. I’ll try to pretend you’re not here and you just do your thing.” Jackson sits there for another hour, waiting for the best opportunity for a photo. Theodore stands up, even despite Jackson not getting a fifth shot, “Sorry, I have to head to class. I hope you got all the photos you needed, shutterbug.”

Jackson can’t help but grin at that nickname. Maybe he thought this guy was cute… Theodore starts to walk away, book tucked under his arm after throwing away his trash and holding his coffee cup in his hand.  _ Perfect _ . Jackson snaps one last picture of him as Theodore walks away, and it’s exactly what he wanted. Exactly what he needed for this assignment. He lines up all his pictures in chronological order. He doesn’t know what he’s going to name the collection but that was fine. He had until Monday to decide that.

What he didn’t expect was for Monday to come around--he had chosen the name ‘Wonder Boy’ because Theodore certainly did feel like a wonderboy--and the week to pass and his teacher to say he was submitting the collection to an art show. He hadn’t expected these candid shots to be his magnum opus, but thanks to Theodore, they were. Jackson wanted to tell Theodore, find him and tell him about how amazing this opportunity was. Art shows mean exposure… He searches for Theodore after class, finding him in the same spot he was in the last time. 

“Hey, shutterbug. What’s up?” Theodore says, before he’d even stepped close enough to be seen.

Jackson can’t help but blush both at the nickname and a the fact that Theodore knew it was him even from a mile away. He felt special… “Hey, Theodore. Mind if I sit with you?”

“Need more photos?” he teases.

“No, actually. But it does have something to do with photos.”

“Go ahead.”

Jackson sits down eagerly across from Theodore, and Theodore puts down his book, giving him his full attention, that gentle smile playing on his lips. “Um… the photos that I took of you for class are going to go into an art show in Chicago.”

Theodore’s eyes light up, “Really? That’s fantastic, shutterbug. I’m happy for you.”

“It’s thanks to you, though, Theodore… Um… I called the collection Wonder Boy and Mr. Flemming thought it was incredibly clever because of the photos I took.”

“Did you only call it that because you got a shot of me with a butterfly on my nose…?” Theodore asks, but his voice is teasing still with a friendly, familiar lilt at the end.

“N-No… I called it that because you’re quite the wonder boy. Especially after this… You’re the reason I’m going to be in that art exposition… all the way in Chicago. Can you imagine everyone’s faces when they see the label for it. Wonder Boy by Jackson Lockhart… from Clarksville, Iowa. They’ll be so mad to see such great photography from a kid from Iowa!”

Theodore is smiling fondly at Jackson, a comfortable smile on his face, amused and complacent, as if Jackson was being funny. Jackson watches him for a moment, before cocking his head to the side, “What? Did I say something stupid?”

“No, you just seem to ramble when you’re talking to someone you clearly have a crush on,” Theodore says. He never seemed to stop teasing Jackson. “It’s kind of adorable, shutterbug.”

Jackson can’t stop smiling the more they talk. He finds himself falling fast and hard in love with Theodore, and he loves the way Theodore talks, loves the way Theodore treats him. Theodore was everything he wanted, and everything he never knew he needed. It was so relieving, just sitting under the tree in the cool shade holding hands and making the clouds into shapes. At night they’d count the stars and look at the moon. They’d have picnics, sitting in the grass and force feeding each other sandwiches, all the while giggling. Things were so perfect with Theodore.

Mr. Flemming informs Jackson that he can bring along a friend or family member on the trip to Chicago. With no hesitation, he knows he’s taking Theodore with him--he has to. The muse of the piece has to come with him… It just makes sense. They pack their stuff, gathering their things and travelling to Chicago with Mr. Flemming. The whole flight, Theodore sleeps, and Jackson listens to music and stares out the window. The flight was only an hour or so but it was all expenses paid alongside their flight and food. When they land, Jackson wakes Theodore up, and they leave the airport and go to their hotel. Theodore and Jackson are sharing a hotel room, with two queen beds. Mr. Flemming is in the room across the hall. They had four hours until the art show began… Four hours to explore the city of Chicago together.

They go to record stores, buildings, museums, parks, and restaurants, and Jackson takes a bunch of photos of Theodore, of the scenery, of others around him. He’s so excited by this big-city life, so different from life in Clarksville. On top of that, being with Theodore wasn’t something to complain about either. He returns to the hotel with Theodore in tow and about thirty five photos in hand. He’d show them to Mr. Flemming later. For now, he puts on a nice blazer with a white button down, some dress pants and shoes. Theodore dresses up nice, and Jackson can’t help but compliment him. “You’re lookin’ good.”

“So are you, shutterbug,” he replies with a smile.

They walk with Mr. Flemming to the art show, and view all the different mediums of art. Paintings, sculptures, drawings, and abstract stuff. Then they get to the photos. Pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge, cities all across the world, of girls laughing into cups of macchiato coffee, a little girl spinning, her skirt unfurled with a balloon tied to her wrist. And then, on a little red string with clothespins holding them in place was his five photos. Wonder Boy. They were strung along neatly, an inch and a half apart. People were walking by, looking at the pictures, reading the label under it with the title, photographer, place… Reading the description he’d written for the photos:

_ The light of the sun dances on your skin, sparkling and soft, and all of nature seems to bend and curve around you, shaping a perfect world just for you. The creatures of earth all are interested to be close, but they do not want to disturb your peace. Your clothes are dark, but your eyes, smile, mind are so bright. Your face seems to glow every time you smile, radiant and golden. Your time with me was short, but I won’t soon forget it, wonder boy. _

People smiled at the words he wrote… Theodore read them too, and looked to Jackson with a gentle smile. People started to put two and two together: Theodore was the one in the photos… Jackson… was that Jackson. The one who took the photos. Theodore and Jackson were in their own little world, though… He smiles back at Theodore and they kiss. It was the first time they’d kissed, even despite the month and a half of them holding hands and flirting. The kiss was soft, sweet, and chaste. Anything more would have been too much… But it was perfect. Theodore teases him again.

“You’re just as flushed as the first day you met me, shutterbug.”


	3. Playground

_ As a child, the greatest thing in the world was being able to play outside in the sunshine. Climbing on a jungle gym, the hot metal bars burning his palms as he trekked across the monkey bars, then planting his feet on the metal of the steps. He’d climb up, run across the rickety bridge attached by chains and rope, and head to his choice of three different slides. The pea gravel always got stuck in his shoes, but he wasn’t ever disappointed to sit on the edge of the playground’s bench and dump out all the tiny little rocks from his socks and shoes. He could hear his mother snapping photos of him as he climbed up the bars again and again, over and over. His mother used to tell him not to climb on top of the monkey bars, but he never listened. He’d slide down the slide, reaching the bottom and sometimes going too fast and skittering out the bottom and landing in the rocks. They hurt his soft skin, but he would still giggle and laugh. _

_ He would swing on the swingset, jumping off of the swing at its highest peak, feet planting into the rocks, sometimes falling forward. The connection of his feet against the ground would cause a painful shock up his legs, but it subsided as instantly as it came. He wasn’t ever worried about it. He would leave a large stick in the gravel where he landed, and try to beat his record by stretching his legs more, reaching his body farther, trying to jump from higher. The moments where he soared in the air before hitting the ground were the moments of true weightlessness, following a perfect arc from the point of the swing all the way down to the earth.  _

_ There was a cage-like contraption made entirely of metal. It also burned his hands just the same way as the monkey bars did. He loved to climb to the top where there were differently sized horizontal bars over the open space, and he would hang off of them by the crooks of his knees. His brown-black hair would hang straight down, and his mother would call, “Smile, Jackson!” His mother loved to take pictures of her son having fun. He would climb up the side of the metal cylindrical side, hang on each of the bars, use the bars to climb up and down like monkey bars that went up and down in a spiral staircase. His mother also told him not to stand on top of those… he actually listened to her this time.  _

_ Later, when the hopscotch boards painted onto the asphalt faded away, they extended the playground more to include a large plastic climbing structure. It was shaped in a wave, the heights taller and shorter in varying places, with many holes in it. It was not as fun to climb on as the metal cage, but still, he would sit at the top, place his hands on the tops of the dividing poles that held up each of the four panels of the wavy structure, and cheer. He would say he was the king of the playground, and the other little kids would agree if there were any there. There were also some seesaws, but he never played on them the way he was supposed to. He didn’t have any friends to play with him or balance on the seesaw with him, so he would walk across them in balance, trying to not stumble, like the dogs he saw on dog show agility competition courses. _

_ On the asphalt, they installed a hoop for basketball, a cone-shaped device with four holes and point values over the top for a game to get the most points, and a tetherball. These were all good for him too. He would shoot the basketball from the block at the base of the key, at the free-throw line, at the three-point line. He would shoot and shoot until he perfected his shot. He would shoot into the cone-shaped device too, trying to get the most points in the fewest amount of shots. He once got forty points in fifteen shots. It was his best record, and since then he has not beat it. He would play himself in tetherball… inventing his own game to play because no one else was there. But he had so much fun, anyways. He would play hopscotch on the new hopscotch boards. He would invent his own game using the four-square box. He would make tic-tac-toe games and play versus his mom. That was the only game she would play with him. _

As an adult, Jackson longed to find that again. He longed to find something to build up his imagination, his dreams, his happiness. The playground in his hometown was his own wonderland, where he could be whatever he wanted to be. But he’d grown up now, and was too big for everything on that playground except perhaps the swingset. Playing outside was something he still enjoyed. He had taken up hip hop and martial arts tricking as hobbies, and they gave him joy… but nothing near the childlike, innocent joy he had as a kid, playing on the playground.

That is… until he met Theodore. Theodore brought back those feelings. Just as he used to soar into the sky and fall right back to earth, Theodore made his heart soar and his stomach fall. He was the reason Jackson was having fun again. Jackson was scared when they first had started dating that he wouldn’t be happy, or that he wouldn’t make Theodore happy, but now that was the least of his worries. In his small, childlike world, the playground in his hometown was all he needed. But now, in the vast expanse of the world, where Jackson had a job and was going to school, he had more important things on his mind… Theodore helped to clear those cobwebs away, and helped him to focus on what is important. 

Theodore was Jackson’s playground. Theodore was the childlike innocence that he had… The way Theodore’s face would light up, the same sweet purity of a preschooler on his face. Theodore would giggle and the wind would seem to carry it sweetly away to the world, the flowers brightening up under his soft, gentle voice. His smile, the dimple on his cheek and the quirk in his eyebrow. So many reasons to love…

At first, Jackson would just say that Theodore was his playground… but now he realized that Theodore was more than his playground. He was better than the fantasies and memories that Jackson had had as a child. They would sit on the benches in the park, watching kids play on the same playground he played on as a child, the kids screaming and laughing. He remembered when the playground was barely populated… at least now kids loved it. As he would sit with Theodore, and hold his hand, he realizes that he is content to just sit right by his side. He wants to stay by his side, but also be free to run and play, holding his hand and laughing just as those kids did.

There was so much Jackson could learn from his own childlike innocence and the innocent, sweet love of the kids playing on the playground now. They loved without worrying about consequence. The little boy would tell the little girl she was pretty, and then turn to his guy friend and say that he loved him. The naivety of the children was something that they all could learn from. A little girl came up to Jackson and Theodore as they sat there, holding hands, Theodore with his nose in a book, like usual. 

“Are you two a mommy and daddy?” she asks.

Jackson giggles, and smiles gently at her, “What do you mean?”

“You’re holding hands like mommy and daddy do, so I thought you were a mommy and daddy.”

“Well, we’re together the way that a mommy and daddy are, but… we’re both daddies,” Jackson says, awkwardly. His smile is reassuring, and makes up for the fact that what he said was a bit awkwardly worded.

The little girl seems to get it though, and smiles back brightly, “That’s fun! Do you like to play games?”

“I used to play in this playground as a kid,” he says, and the girl smiles even brighter.

“Play with me and my friend Matthew!” she says. “I’m Kristy! Nice to meet you mister!”

Jackson lets go of Theodore’s hand after squeezing it, and offers it to the little girl, who high fives him, “I’m Jackson.” She clearly hadn’t learned a handshake yet, but that was okay. Kristy takes hold of Jackson’s hand, her very small hand dwarfed by Jackson’s large one, and she leads him over to hopscotch.

“I’m using that pretty white rock, Matthew is using the stick, and you can use this Lego block we found,” Kristy says sweetly, offering the tiny, beat up blue plastic block to him. He accepts it and smiles. Kristy takes her turn, skipping three because that’s where her rock had landed. Matthew skips five because that was where his stick had landed. Jackson skips eight. They go back and forth like this for a long time, before Kristy takes his hand again, leading him into the playground, into that familiar pea gravel that he remembered the crunching feeling of under his shoes. Kristy takes him to the monkey bars.

“Can you do the monkey bars?” she asks. “And don’t just do what daddy does and walk across with your feet on the ground!”

Jackson smiles, “You bet I can!” He puts his hands on the bars again, worn down with very little paint on them anymore, the metal still familiarly warm like always. He gets a firm grip, pulling his legs up so they were not touching the ground and working his way across the monkey bars, reaching the step on the other side and turning to sit on it. He watched as Matthew went across, stopping halfway because he lost strength. Kristy does what his mother had always told him not to and walks across the top on the bars on either side. Once she reached the side Jackson was sitting on, she jumped down next to the bars.

“You’re really good at that. Do you like going down the slide?” Matthew asks.

Jackson lets the two kids lead him around the playground, going down the slides, across the monkey bars, climbing on the metal cage and the plastic wave. He showed the two how to rock the bridge like he had as a child, standing sideways on either side, feet placed firmly on opposing sides of the bridge’s curve and bouncing back and forth between his two feet. The kids would sit on the bridge and bounce around on it while he shook the bridge. Then, they took him to the swingset, where he alternated pushing them side by side on the swings. Eventually they said he could swing too, so he went on the swings and began swinging. It was hard because his feet kept dragging, so the two kids started trying to push him and they’d giggle every time. He eventually can get his momentum going, and he starts swinging, completing a nice parabolic arc as he goes. He turns to Matthew and Kristy, “Don’t try this.” Then, he lets go, sliding off the swing.

As he’s falling down the arc, he goes back to being a child again. All the play structures are freshly painted, bright blue, and he can see his mother sitting on the bench. The playground is empty except for him and his mother. He extends his feet as far as he can. He will beat his record… he can beat his record! He’ll do it…

He feels that familiar painful shock as his feet make contact with the ground, the gravel crunching under his feet. He sinks deeper now than he had as a child because of the added weight and force, and his feet are buried in the gravel. He can feel the tiny rocks starting to work their way into his shoes. Kristy and Matthew get off their swings, and run over. “We’re gonna bury you, Jackson!”

They gently push him down and start burying his legs. Jackson giggles, letting them cover his entire bottom half before he yells, “I’m gonna getcha!” He breaks his legs out of the rocks and the two kids scream in delight, giggling as he playfully chases them around the playground. This is what it felt like to be a child again… to have that pure, innocent joy. He catches them both and then it’s two against one as they chase him around the playground. The sky gets darker, and Matthew and Kristy’s parents both come over to get their kids. The parents pay Jackson some money for playing with their kids… after all, it was almost like babysitting. They offered their numbers for him to babysit their kids in the future. He waves goodbye and sits down by Theodore.

Theodore smiles, putting his book down, “Did you have fun?”

Jackson nods, smiling brightly, “Yeah.”

Theodore presses a kiss to Jackson’s cheek, smiling wider still as he takes Jackson’s hand, leading him to their car to drive home.


	4. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...This is the first one that isn't 2,000 words. I had a bad day. That's my defense. 1,547 words is more than 3/4 of the way. I tried.

Classes were piling up for the both of them, but Jackson’s laid back approach to class made him marginally less stressed than Theodore. Theodore, who always had his nose in a book, was currently invested in writing flashcards for an upcoming biology test. Jackson, on the other hand, was sitting at the counter, scribbling stuff down on a sheet of paper. He had recently started getting into writing songs. He was humming melodies and singing them aloud, and Theodore couldn’t help but set down his pencil a little too loudly.

“Jackson, can you shut up, please?”

He turns and looks at Theodore over his shoulder, “Stop what?”

“Stop being aggravating, you know you’re singing aloud and it’s annoying.”

Jackson frowns, and offers a half-attempted ‘sorry’ as he turns back around.

That was strike one for Theodore. Jackson seemed pretty unapologetic about it all. 

They go back to uncomfortable silence for the rest of the time that Jackson is at Theodore’s dorm. They were planning to spend time together, but with Theodore too stressed, any time Jackson opened his mouth or tried to kiss him, Theodore would get angry and push him away. 

That was a strike for Jackson. Jackson was just trying to be nice… and Theodore was being kind of awful.

Over the next few days, tempers were rising as things got more and more frustrated between them. Theodore had continued to snap at Jackson, which put him on edge. Jackson kept being careless, leaving cabinets open in his dorm, which aggravated Theodore.

Jackson was on the end of his rope, but he was willing to keep casual and calm because of his laid back nature. He was used to just letting stuff go… However, when he accidentally stepped on Theodore’s heels, and Theodore whipped around, Jackson felt the threat of trouble.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Theodore says, his voice full of aggression.

“...Nothing?” Jackson says. He’s so confused. Why was Theodore mad at him? It was an accident.

“Can you stop being so fucking annoying?” Theodore says. “You’ve been pissing me off all week.”

Theodore never swore. Something was very wrong right now. “Theo…”

“Don’t do that,” he says. “Don’t make me feel all guilty about this.”

“I’m not even doing anything…?” Jackson says, his voice lilting more into a question. What was he doing wrong?

“And now you’re acting like you’re innocent. Quit it. You… ugh.”

Jackson was losing patience, “What am I doing wrong?”

“You’re acting like you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“You’re accusing me of doing something wrong, but I haven’t done anything!”

Theodore is positively fuming. Jackson can tell this. His face is getting red and the tips of his ears are tinged pink. He had only ever seen Theodore like this when someone else makes him angry… He’d never gotten this way towards Jackson.

But Theodore was that way now… Jackson tries to swallow his anger now, and console Theodore, “You’re being irrational.”

That was the wrong thing to say.

“You’re being a fucking dick, Jackson! You’ve done nothing but aggravate me all week and now you’re going to sit there and act all high and mighty trying to comfort me?”

“...Theodore, you don’t mean that.”

“Maybe I do!”

“I know you well enough to know you don’t mean that stuff,” Jackson says. “I know you wouldn’t say those things to me if you weren’t angry. Now take a couple breaths.”

“Fuck you.”

“And quit swearing. It’s only cute when you’re not angry.”

“You’re just mad because I’m mad at you.”

“Not really. I just really would appreciate it if you’d calm down and stop acting like this.”

“Fuck you, Jackson!”

“Theodore.”

“What?! What is it Jackson?!”

“...Calm. Down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, asshole.”

Jackson sighs. Theodore was being irrational and angry for no reason, and it was starting to press Jackson’s buttons, but he knew he had to chill out for the time being. He knew he couldn’t explode while Theodore was mad, or things would only get worse. “You know, I’m going to go back to my dorm. When you’re done being salty, you can come hang out with me. I’ll help you study for your bio quiz.”

With those words hanging between them, Jackson turns and leaves for his dorm. For a few hours, he’s apart from him and things are nice and calm. He works a bit on homework, and plays some video games. After awhile, and a knock on his door, Theodore is there, apologizing. Jackson accepts the apology easily, but he still feels the anger bubbling under his skin. It would subside as long as nothing else happened. 

“Hey, Jackson, you really need to clean up in here.”

Jackson rolls his eyes, “When do I ever clean up?”

“True… Do you need this paper on the counter, or can I pitch it?”

He thinks for a moment, trying to remember if he needed anything from there. Probably not. It was probably just a takeout receipt. “You can pitch it.”

For a few hours… things were fine. Then, Jackson remembers, “Oh! I wrote a new song… Did you want to hear it?”

Theodore nods and smiles. He always loved to hear the music Jackson made. Jackson stands, heading towards the counter and the stack of papers that was there. Except it wasn’t. “Hey… uh, Theo, where are my papers?”

“The ones on the counter?”

“Yeah.”

“I put them in the drawer.”

He opens the drawer, flipping through them. Notes for classes, doodles, a few other songs that were old… But not his new one.

“It’s not here.”

“I don’t know where else it would be.”

Jackson was starting to feel that anger bubbling with a mixture of anxiety. He worked really hard on that song, trying to get the right melody and the right words. He opens the trash, to see it crumpled up in a tight ball, bits of yesterday’s ramen dinner stuck to it.

“Theodore…”

“What?”

“You threw away my song.”

“No I didn’t?”

“Then why is it in the trash?”

“...Because you might have put it there on accident?”

Jackson feels the anger and anxiety bubble up more. “I didn’t. I wouldn’t have. You put it in here.”

“I threw away some papers on your counter but you told me to!” Theodore says. His voice was raised in the way he tended to do when he was trying to get Jackson to quit it.

“...You threw away my song,” Jackson says again. His voice is uncomfortably calm despite his anger. “You threw away my fucking song.” Jackson didn’t really like swearing either but it slipped out.

“... Jackson, you’re overreacting. You told me to throw those papers away.”

“Why didn’t you read them first?!”

“Because it’s not my responsibility to read your papers?”

“You could have checked! You’re so anal and paranoid about everything else, at least you could’ve put that to use!”

That was too far… Even Jackson knew that in the midst of the fog of anger. Theodore’s face wilted, and he felt the guilt seeping into his veins like wet sand… moving slowly and creeping in a painfully slow path to his chest. He felt heavy now… “Theo…” Jackson says quietly. Softly.

“Don’t,” Theodore says. His voice is hurt.

“Theo, I didn’t mean that…”

“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it.”

“I said it without thinking. I was just trying to get a rise out of you… I didn’t mean that.”

“...Well you said it, and you got what you wanted. My feelings are hurt. Are you happy? I feel guilty about it.”

“I’m not happy that I said that and that I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry for those things. But I’m not sorry that I got angry with you. It’s important for you to realize that that made me upset.”

Theodore nods slowly, but his voice is still desperately sad. “...I understand that. I… I’m sorry I didn’t check.”

“It’s not your responsibility. If I was more organized, this wouldn’t have happened.”

There’s a long, pregnant silence between them, before Theodore holds his hands out in a child-like gesture of innocent want. His hands were open, fingers grabbing at the air, like a toddler begging for a parent. Jackson moves closer instantly, the way that he always did. He knew Theodore did this… Jackson pulls him close, holding him gently, Theodore’s head resting against Jackson’s chest. A hand runs gently through his black hair. Theodore speaks softly, “...Are you still mad at me?”

“No… no no,” Jackson says. “I overreacted.”

Theodore’s voice is still quiet, “Do… you--”

“Yes,” he says. “I still love you. Don’t worry…”

He can feel Theodore smile against his chest, as they sit there, speaking softly and quietly. Jackson continued to cuddle Theodore gently, not too rough. Theodore was fragile right now. Theodore could stand his own in arguments, and the fact that Jackson had lashed out wasn’t the issue. The issue was that Jackson had said something entirely out of line and targeted something that Theodore was very self-conscious about. It was his mistake, and now it was up to him to fix it. He comforted Theodore as much as he could, trying to help him feel better. 


	5. Intertwined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are probably going to be around 1,500 now. 2,000 was too much for me.

They laid there together, the sun pouring over their bodies through the gaping window. The wind blowed gently through the open glass, the curtains brushing against their bare toes. They could feel the bits of skin that were open touching together. Palms of hands. Tips of toes. Legs and thighs. Cheeks to chest. The sunlight was warm, and the addition of the blanket and the shared body heat made the space warm. Jackson couldn’t help but sputter out a bit of Theodore’s dark hair out of his mouth, it having gotten caught there when Theodore had cuddled closer.

Jackson felt the safety of being there… Right beside Theodore. Fully clothed, cuddled close under the blankets. The daylight was starting to fade, but that didn’t matter. The world liked to try to sever them apart. Laws from the government--two men cannot be in love, two men do not belong together, two men cannot be married. The little gold bands on their fingers would stand to differ. The world didn’t matter to them in the space of their apartment… In that space, nothing could hurt them. Their fingers could stay gently twined together, Jackson’s thumb rubbing gently over the back of Theodore’s hand. Their legs could stay tangled up, in some sort of uncomplicated lover’s knot.

Jackson knew about how Theodore would get up from bed, and sit in the living room at four in the morning. He’d hear Theodore crying softly. Not because of anything Jackson had done, but just because he was afraid and scared, of the world and of his own brain. But when he was close by Jackson’s side, their fingers tangled together, Jackson’s lips pressed gently against his forehead. His lover’s voice would whisper sweet things… only to then make some funny comment. They’d laugh together in the easy silence, comfortable and safe. In that space, they couldn’t be touched.

_ I have to protect him _ . That was the thought through both of their heads. They were both terrified being in this world, especially after America chose to elect a man so very much against Theodore and Jackson. Against their love. They were combatting forces that sometimes felt greater than their own. It felt like they were two grains of sand competing against the strongest, largest waves of the ocean. The waves pushing and pulling them in ways they didn’t want to go. They had to watch out for each other, and it was hard to protect each other when they worked on opposite sides of town, sometimes on opposite schedules. Theodore would be awake and Jackson would be asleep. 

Theodore would lay awake. Jackson would be wrapped around him, almost like a second skin, a third blanket. Tight and close. But Theodore still was awake, eyes wide open, staring at the popcorn ceiling they meant to get rid of. He wants to protect Jackson more than anything else. Wants to keep Jackson safe from any harm. He’d take anything if it meant Jackson would be safe. Theodore would endure all of the torture in the world, have his heart scooped out while he was still alive. Anything to keep Jackson safe. If offered immunity from life for himself or for his lover, he’d offer it to the blonde with no hesitation. 

Jackson was overworking himself again. Day in and day out, ten hour shifts. He earned decent money and tips but Jackson was exhausted. Theodore could see the bags under his eyes, and though his lover would jokingly claim they were designer, he knew that on the inside… it was ache. He was scared. He didn’t want to stop working because he didn’t want to stop supporting Theodore. Jackson began to take risky ways home to get home faster, and to pass by the park which had beautiful flowers that Theodore liked and Jackson would pick for him. However, one in every six times, Jackson would get surrounded by scary men in a group, frowning, hissing, calling him slurs and names that weren’t fair. Jackson began to stop taking care of himself, and Theodore had to watch out for him. Remind him to eat, pack a lunch, take a shower, drink some water. Theodore would encourage Jackson to take walks, go outside sometimes. On one of the days, Theodore dragged Jackson to the local pet store where they were having an adoption exhibition. They looked at, held, and pet the dogs for almost five hours. In that time, Theodore just watched Jackson play with the dogs. Jackson kept going back to a smaller, soft one. He would babble to it, praise it and say its name so softly and gently. Not unlike the way he said Theodore’s name. Full of love and admiration. The sight was sweet. Jackson nose to nose with a tiny brown dog. Then Jackson nose to nose with a large, fluffy white dog. The two were comparable in size, both as large and small, but switching roles depending on the dog. Theodore realizes as he watches Jackson play how much he loves him. The only thing that mattered to him was Jackson. Without him, Theodore felt as though he were nothing.

Theodore sometimes felt numb… empty in that space. When Jackson wasn’t close enough, when he couldn’t feel that skin on skin… When things felt very separate and apart. Too distant for the safety he knew. Until he could feel Jackson again, close, heartbeats syncing up as they lay, eyes closed and breathing softly in the warm sunlight against white and pale grey sheets, he was just fine. Just empty, vacant, numb, fine. But when Jackson would come home, see Theodore spread starfish legged and armed on the sheets, and would flop onto the bed on top of him, giggles filling the space of the room instantly as Jackson’s fingers dance their way up and down Theodore’s sides. How could he feel sad when his lover was so close?

Theodore sometimes let the numbness take him in. Consume him like a dark cloud, sucking him in right to the center, right to the core. The emptiness held him like a mother to her child at some points, and at others it felt like hands around his throat, choking and grabbing. He couldn’t breathe… Scared of everything. Of being persecuted for loving Jackson… for loving a man the way everyone wanted him to love a woman. Scared of the depressed thoughts, of the times he’d pass the bridge to work and wonder how it would feel to jump off of it. 

His breathing would get heavy, hard and thick as if he were trying to breathe in the soupy thickness of fog, a cloud settled onto the earth like the descending sadness settling onto his brain. His breathing was labored…. He’d slide down to sit on the edge of the bed, tears would slide down to drip on his knees… Jackson would step in the door and look up to see Theodore there… Dropping his things, Jackson is at Theodore’s side in an instant. The same words that always pulled Theodore’s attention right back. “Breathe… Breathe with me…” His voice is as gentle and as soothing as can be. Theodore wonders if Jackson could somehow pull those thoughts away from him. Pull them away like twirling spaghetti on a fork, twisting them around the prongs of a fork and flicking them away. He wonders if Jackson would be the one to save him from all of this. Because Theodore knew he couldn’t handle these thoughts anymore. 

Jackson’s voice was sweet. A gentle, soft singing voice. He was a talented musician even if he was more interested in other endeavors. He could rap decently, and he surprised people with his voice… Gentle, soft baritone… He could slide his way easily into a tenor, if he really wanted. He didn’t do well with high notes, but that was okay… He stuck to his own range and he held it, commandeered it like a pilot with a plane. He navigated his way through notes as if they were nothing but pawns in his little game. Music came so easily to him. Theodore wonders if in another life, Jackson were a musician.

Laying back in that bed, the sheets soft and clean, they were together. Their fingers were tangled, their legs loosely knotted, their heartstrings twisted up. Intertwined. Still… the safety of the space felt like home. Safe, soft, secure. Comfortable. The safest place of all within that already safe place was right in Jackson’s arms. Theodore comfortably put every ounce of trust he had right into Jackson. He would give anything, do anything for Jackson, and he knows Jackson would do just the same for him… It was a beautiful, beautiful relationship of give and take. It mattered to him more than anything else. But of course, putting all the hope and trust Theodore had into Jackson left him very exposed. And because Jackson did the same right back, Jackson himself was also exposed. They were practically naked in a crowd exposed, but instead of the shame and embarrassment, they only felt pride and safety. That being said, Theodore was scared that Jackson would give more and end up being exposed far more than he wanted to be. Jackson was more sensitive to public exposure, even if he was the stronger willed one.


	6. Confession

The things that happened to Theodore seemed to just be… odd. Like he was stuck on some reality TV show, like he was being Punk’d, or put on some game show for laughs. The things that happened to him never happened to anyone, and yet all at once they occurred for him. In movies, people had such dramatic, intense, passionate confessions of love, and Theodore would laugh at these and know that they’re fake. That stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life. But he also should have remembered that his life was full of random, weird events that ‘don’t happen in real life.’ 

It started in class. He sat there, writing down the notes in a notebook, pen skipping on the letters because it was the same pen he’d started with in August. It was around Christmas time now. The bells outside were ringing for the holiday spirit, carollers were singing, snow was falling gently. Red and green decorated the outside and inside of the school and every business in town. Tinsel hung from the lights around the school. A Christmas tree had been set up in the lobby with little ornaments with every student’s name on them--a choice from the student council that would be remembered, surely. 

He was in class. Writing notes. Doing absolutely nothing of worth, rubbing his eyes and yawning, glancing at the clock and counting down the hours, minutes, seconds until lunch. Two figures came in, wearing very obnoxiously large Christmas themed masks. One was Santa, the other was a reindeer. They looked around the room, their eyes settling on Theodore.  _ Oh no. _

They took him by the arms, leading him out of the room as if he were some criminal being escorted from the school. They held him as tightly as secret service men as they dragged him to the gym of the school. He heard the sounds of Christmas bells and music. He could see another Christmas tree set up in there, lights on the floor, some signs on the bleachers--though he couldn’t read them. 

He could hear lyrics, but not entirely understand them. The music was soft… The two masked figures guided him into the room, where another masked figure was holding flowers and a card. He was incredibly confused. What had Theodore got himself into? The music was playing, and the two figures who had led Theodore in took off their masks, mouthing the words. He couldn’t really focus on what they were saying, he was too busy trying to assess the situation.

On the bleachers were signs that had letters on them. I. L. O. V. E. Y. O. U. He was so confused. I love you? What for? Who did? What was going on?

He was thinking now about how he hadn’t seen his best friend all day. The blonde had claimed that he was going to be out sick. Theodore was sad to hear Jackson wouldn’t be joining him today, seeing as his math class was awfully boring without him. But that was fine, wasn’t it? He could help his friend make up the work. No worries.

Theodore paid attention now as someone else started singing than the first two, stepping out from behind the tree and smiling with a sweet, soft smile. All teeth, hundred watts, but still...gentle. “You may not feel the same way as I do… I may never see you again, that’s what I’m afraid of. Don’t have the courage to tell you. With this song, let me open my heart to you….”

The masked figure in front of him fidgeted as another guy came out to sing. “I love you. Baby, I… I love you. I love you. Baby I… I love you.”

He’s so confused. Who loved him? Why was this song playing? Why was he here? Had they meant to grab a girl but grabbed him instead? This felt so odd… so weird.

But yet he still kept thinking of Jackson as the guys sang of love, walking slowly around him and this masked figure. Theodore would never admit it, but he did like Jackson. He had for a long, long time. Jackson made him laugh, made him smile, made everything he did worthwhile. It was important to him, more than anything else on earth. But knowing that Jackson likely didn’t feel the same way, Theodore swallowed these feelings and settled for being Jackson’s best friend. That was good enough, wasn’t it? He was still very close with Jackson, even if he could never hold Jackson’s hand.

Theodore had dreamt of that. Holding Jackson’s hand. Kissing him sweetly under the shade of large oak trees. Playing a game of tag under the long, thin branches of weeping willow trees in the park. Walking dogs and throwing frisbees. Playing baseball, sliding across white chalk lines to get to bases before being tagged. Theodore had thought about late night walks under neon signs of roses, of knives through palms of hands, of diner signs that screamed ‘eat here,’ ‘best burgers,’ ‘open twenty four hours.’ Theodore had thought about rain, sharing umbrellas and kisses under the umbrella. Theodore had thought about walking hand in hand in the mall, picking out clothes for each other and insisting on buying because that’s what lovers did. 

But he never would tell Jackson these things. He never, ever could. He couldn’t bear to lose Jackson. Couldn’t bear to let him go. He’d rather live in the agony of being his best friend, not lover, than lose him altogether. Jackson was much too strong, much too proud to love someone like Theodore. Not to mention, Jackson seemed to be the least gay person Theodore had ever met--not that he liked stereotype. Jackson was all muscle, working out, yelling like a frat boy on a sports game day. Theodore was all reading, quiet pleasures, casual and calm. They were such opposites and because of that Theodore feared everything that was going on. 

Where was Jackson right now? At home? Was he sick? Theodore thought about bringing him soup later. The guys kept singing and dancing around him and Theodore became slightly aware of the cameras that were filming him. Was this for some sort of television show? It was a curious thing… He didn’t quite understand it all but it was hard to ignore all the details. His mind would try to preoccupy him because he’s afraid of paying attention to the situation for fear of it being a mistake, but at least he… tried to pay attention.

One of them steps closer, right up beside the masked figure as he raps, “My heart beats like a drum. My arms just wait for the day to hold you tight, my calendar just waits for the day to be marked red. My confession just waits for my courage, though I am still a timid fool. I hope this song I wrote for countless nights delivers my sincerity. Take one side of the earphone in your hand…”

Then, with a tug of the figure’s mask, the guy says, “Shall we?”

Theodore looks up and gasps.

_ Jackson _ .

Jackson starts singing, a nervous smile on his face, “I love you. Baby, I… I love you. For a very long time, I love you… baby I love you.”

He couldn’t believe this… Jackson… loved him? How could this be so? How could he have had this happen? The music fades away, firecrackers from the singing band popping above them, one spraying a can of fake snow. What was this…? Jackson offers Theodore the flowers and card. Theodore believes this to be a huge mistake. Jackson didn’t love him. Jackson meant for this to be for some other girl in Theodore’s class. Not for him.

Theodore does the only thing he can think of right now: he runs. He bolts from the room, and all of the guys gasp as Jackson chases after him. “Theodore!”

Theodore’s face is covered in hot, fat tears as he runs away, ashamed and embarrassed to have been played like that. How could he have been so gullible to believe a perfect man such as Jackson would love a wreck like Theodore? He was naive. Theodore was full of regret, and could hear Jackson still chasing after him. “Theodore! Come back! I need to talk with you!”

Talk with him? About how this was all a huge mistake? How he didn’t actually love him? Theodore stopped, bracing himself for the rejection as Jackson steps closer, flowers and card still in his hand.

“Why did you run?”

“Because what you did isn’t true. You meant for this to be about Rachel, didn’t you?”

“Wh-what? Rachel?”

“Yes. You always talk about her… you must like her right? You wanted to confess to her but they messed up and got the wrong person. Rachel is also your best friend. They got the wrong best friend.”

“Theodore…”

“Jackson, don’t try to save my feelings. I get it. It was a mistake.”

“Theodore. Stop. It wasn’t a mistake. I didn’t ask them to get my best friend. I asked them to get Theodore Valentine.”

...That couldn’t have been a mistake.

“I asked them to get you, Theodore. Because I love you. I have for a long time, just like the song said. I wrote that song for you, and asked one of the local bands to perform it.”

“...You did?”

“Yes.”

Theodore steps closer, looking at Jackson curiously. “You… really mean this?”

Jackson laughs, and Theodore’s heart swells as Jackson leans to peck him on the lips once. “Of course I mean it.”

 


	7. Childhood

Jackson grew up in the big, blue house on Greenview Avenue. Theodore grew up in the big, white house on Greenview Avenue. They lived right next door to each other. Jackson Lockhart’s family was lucky enough to have one of those play structures in the backyard, the ones that had three swings and a set of hanging bars, not one but two slides, a variety of things to climb on, and a set of monkey bars. Theodore was the one who had the sandbox in his yard, and not one of the crappy plastic ones. His sandbox was hand made by his father to be made out of huge two by fours and a bunch of nails, before it was filled with sand. Some of it spilled out of the sides and bottom, but that didn’t bother Theodore. He was happy.

Theodore had always grown up knowing Jackson. He remembered him very clearly, how his hair started out dark brown and soft, and then it grew thicker and blonder over the days he spent in the sun. They’d spend hours and hours building sand castles in the sandbox, swinging on the swings, laughing and playing. They’d spend hours playing pretend.

Theodore and Jackson would lay out in the grass and hold hands, not think anything different of it. But their parents would come by and slap their hands apart, saying that they shouldn’t do that. Why? Theodore always wondered that. Why wasn’t he allowed to hold hands with his best friend? Isn’t that what his mommy and daddy did? They were best friends so they held hands. 

They played a game of pretend where Theodore was a prince trapped in a tower, like Rapunzel. Jackson was the knight in shining armor, clad with a broom for his white stallion and a ratty old baseball cap representing his suit of armor. He would gallop his way across the street, scoop up Theodore onto the pony, and they’d gallop across the street again. Jackson would fight off all the scary monsters, the dragons and evil wizards who were keeping them apart. They always played this game of pretend. Every time it was fun, and no matter how many times they did it, Theodore still loved it. Loved being saved by Jackson and seeing Jackson be dramatic and dive out of the way of the dragons, getting scrapes on his palms and knees just for Theodore’s sake.

Jackson had saved him from the scary dragons and evil wizards again, and they’d made their way safely across the street. Jackson looks at Theodore softly, smiling brightly and giggling. “You’re safe, Prince Valentine!”

Mommy and daddy held hands because they were best friends…. Mommy and daddy also kissed because they were best friends, right? That was a way to show your love to someone… right? 

Theodore put his hands on Jackson’s face, kissing him. They were barely over six years old so they didn’t know much of how to do it. Just an innocent pressing of their lips together. Theodore’s mother had been watching them play and all but leapt from her seat and out the front door when she saw this. She pulled the two kids apart, chastising them. “Theo, Jackson… sweetheart, you shouldn’t do that. That’s for grownups.”

Theodore frowns, “But you hold hands and kiss daddy because he’s your best friend! Why can’t I do that to my best friend?”

His mother frowns, “It’s very complicated, Theodore… I’ll explain it to you when you’re older. For now… you can’t hold hands or kiss Jackson.” As she stepped back to let the kids play some more, and headed back inside, she couldn’t help but fear that maybe her kid was gay. She didn’t hate gay people, she just really hoped it wouldn’t be her son who was. She also didn’t expect for the Lockharts’ kid to be gay either. 

Jackson and Theodore sit on the curb, and then both agree to not talk about what Theodore’s mother had said. Was it embarrassing that Theodore had kissed his best friend? Was there so much more he didn’t understand? He loved Jackson, he didn’t see why he couldn’t express that… Even still, they sat there, counting cars that passed by, and talking, and Theodore and Jackson let it go, even if Theodore wouldn’t stop thinking about it. 

~*~*~

Jackson moved away three years later, when they were both nine. Theodore cried the entire time, and refused to let go of Jackson until he had to get into the backseat of the Lockharts’ beat up sedan and drive off. He waved at them as they drove away, and even waved after the car had gone past the hill and was out of sight. Would Jackson be happy in a different school? Away from Theodore? It was only across town to a different county public school but he couldn’t imagine living without him…

Theodore coped, made new friends, but nothing seemed to work out well for him. He still kept thinking about that kiss between him and Jackson, and he started to realize his affections for others fell less on the pretty blonde girls in his class, and more on the musical, soft, gentle boys in his class… The boys like Jackson. But… they were boys. His mother told him that he’s supposed to fall in love with girls… get married… to a girl. But Theodore didn’t want that.

After a whole school year without Jackson, he sits down with his parents, asking them if he could talk with them. He sighs, “There’s… no easy way to say what I want to say.”

“You can tell us anything, Theo,” his father says.  _ Anything as long as it’s not, ‘I’m gay.’ _

“I’m gay,” he says.

Theodore’s father sighs and swears under his breath, and Theodore’s mother steps in, “You’re too young to know that, sweetie.”

“I’m always too young, aren’t I?” Theodore says.

“Don’t sass your mother, Theodore.”

“I’m not. I just don’t understand why everything I do I’m told is wrong and then I’m told I’m too young to understand,” Theodore says. “I know for sure that I’m gay. I’ve had only crushes on guys for the last three years of my life.”

The color drains from his parents’ faces. Then, he can hear his father whisper to his mother, “That Lockhart boy turned Theodore gay.”

Theodore stands up, going to his room and ignoring his parents. It was from that point onward that he counted the days until he could move out, until he turned eighteen.

What he didn’t expect was for his senior year of high school to be full of so many surprises. His parents divorced, his father moving out because he didn’t want to deal with a “gay son and a tasteless wife.” Theodore was fine with that. Living with his mother, things were a little better. She still didn’t like that Theodore was gay, but she at least accepted it now that she didn’t have to fear his father beating her for it. His mother also decided to adopt a dog. It was a tiny little Schnauzer puppy that they named Smithy. Or, rather, it was named that and only responded to that… so they kept it. The dog kept them company, being the only man of the house. 

The biggest surprise though, was walking into his first period math class and seeing a familiar crop of blonde hair, that same familiar goofy smile. He heard the hyena laughter of him… How had he not known…  _ Jackson _ . He grew up more. Had piercings in his ears, gotten a hell of a lot more fit, lost his baby fat, and currently was sporting a very happy smile. His face faltered when he looked over and saw Theodore.

“Th-Theodore?” he said.

“Jackson?”

Jackson stands from his seat and pulls Theodore into a tight, warm hug. “I haven’t seen you in years… How have you been?”

“Fine… um… how about you?”

“Fine as well. It’s awesome to see you. I transferred back to this school system because my family and I moved. I’m really glad to be back…”

Theodore was about to reply when Jackson’s attention was lost to two pretty girls. Oh… right. Theodore was very gay, but he didn’t know if Jackson was. Jackson probably wasn’t. He sits in his desk, and goes back to his normal daily tasks.

Over the next few months, Theodore and Jackson catch up again, like nothing had happened between them. They’re laying on the roof of Jackson’s house, looking at the stars, and smiling, They’re talking softly, their breath forming clouds in the cold air. A blanket is spread above and below them, like a sandwich… Jackson and Theodore’s hands brushed together as they scooted closer to listen easier. What Theodore didn’t expect was for Jackson to twine their fingers together. “Remember when your mom told us to stop holding hands?”

Theodore nods.

“I guess that wasn’t as bad as when she lectured us when you kissed me when we were six.”

Theodore doesn’t know what to do, so he just nods again.

“Do you still think about that?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

_ Me too? _ Jackson thought about it too? Did he… stand a chance?

“Did you come out to your parents?” Then, amending, “Sorry if that’s… um… assuming.”

“N-No, it’s fine. You’ve known me almost all my life, it wouldn’t be hard for you to tell. Yeah, I did. My dad left, but my mom stuck by me.”

“What as?”

“Gay.”

“Ahh,” Jackson says slowly. He squeezes Theodore’s hand. “I came out to my parents too. They both were cool with it, actually. Said that knew the whole time.”

“As gay?”

“No,” Jackson says.

… You don’t usually come out as straight, Theodore thinks to himself. What else was there?

“I came out as bisexual,” Jackson says. “I mean… I can’t say I don’t like girls because they’re all gorgeous. But… I like guys too. They’re all cool and funny and… uh, different I guess.”

Theodore nods, looking over at Jackson, who was still staring up at the sky. He could still feel their hands connected together. “U-Um… Jackson…”

“I know,” Jackson says. “That you’ve still got feelings for me.”

How? “I-I, um… I’m sorry if that bothers you. I don’t mean anything by it--”

“Theodore,” Jackson says with the tiniest faint giggle. “It’s okay. I still have feelings for you too. Since that kiss when we were six, I’ve thought about it a lot. Do… you want to try it again?”

He can’t believe this… Theodore nods eagerly, moving closer as they both sit up, and Jackson squeezes his hand, leaning in. They kiss. It felt so similar, and for a moment he was flashed back to when they were kids. It was innocent and pure. But it still held so much within it. A chance for something new, more than anything. But beyond that… confirmation that Jackson did like Theodore. And Theodore really liked Jackson.


	8. Fish Bowl

Jackson was laying with Theodore, and Theodore asked him what his old relationships were like. Theodore had never been in a relationship before Jackson, but Jackson had dated a few people before Theodore. One of them was… particularly bad.

“Well…” Jackson starts… “It was actually a few months before I met you that this one happened. My most recent one, obviously.”

_ Jackson had always heard of the phrase ‘there are always more fish in the sea.’ And at this point, he really hoped there was. He was getting very tired of the way that Gabriel treated him. Gabriel wanted Jackson to buy every meal, wanted Jackson to buy him gifts every time they went out. He would, because he felt obligated as a good boyfriend. He barely had any money, making his funds from working at Starbucks weekends and after school, but between paying for gas and everything else, it was hard for him to have any spare money. It was also risky because Gabriel was one of the most popular guys. Every single girl fawned over him, all the guys thought he was hot shit. They knew he was gay, but they didn’t care… Maybe even if he was gay, he’d make an exception in the case of the girls.  _

_ But Jackson believed that Gabriel was his and his alone. He trusted Gabriel. Which was probably a mistake. Still… Gabriel would reject all the guys and girls that came his way, which was good. At least he was trustworthy. At least Gabriel knew that it was a dick move to cheat. As far as he knew anyways.  _

_ Jackson found it far too easy to forgive Gabriel the first time that it happened. With some guy named Chad Zandeski. Some football jock--probably the quarterback. The football team was the only thing their terrible high school could offer. Gabriel had done some ‘favors’ in the locker room for Chad, and Gabriel was going to get paid but he liked it too much to get paid. Jackson found it too easy to forgive because Gabriel had a spell on him so hard to break. Jackson couldn’t stop falling in love with Gabriel’s sweet, soft face, the way his blue eyes twinkled. It was something that he couldn’t resist. _

_ It was so hard to clear his head, when he kisses Jackson. His head swirls and he can’t think straight. Hands roam to belt buckles and buttons and zippers on jeans. Under shirts and around throats and into hair. Nights like these, Jackson forgave too easy because it felt too good for him to care until after Gabriel had left with a half-assed apology. Why, why, why, Jackson wonders. He doesn’t know. He couldn’t ever figure it out. _

_ There are other fish in the sea… but, when Gabriel looks at him that way, the half-smile on his face, bangs flopping into his eyes… Jackson tumbles right into Gabriel’s fish tank. His little game. Jackson knows there are fifteen other fish in there. Fish that Gabriel’s slept with, Gabriel’s kissed, Gabriel’s done ‘favors’ for. No matter how many times Jackson will be told that Gabriel’s faithful and loves him and it won’t happen again… it does. Every time Gabriel puts his hand in Jackson’s, he almost can’t believe he’s that lucky. As stupid as that is… He can’t stop a smile, can’t stop smiling. Can’t stop being happy to be around this stupid fucking cheater. _

_ Every time Jackson sees Gabriel talk with another guy, winking at him and giggling at all the right and wrong places, Jackson knows there’s another fish in the bowl. Another fish that Gabriel had lured right into his grasp. He sees people younger than him get caught, people older… Gabriel would flirt with anyone who breathed, regardless of their age. Jackson sighed. They should have meant nothing to Gabriel, why was he flirting with them? _

_ Gabriel’s phone would go off incessantly. They’d be kissing, things heated and sloppy between them only for Gabriel’s phone to start ringing. Gabriel would be out of the room answering the call before Jackson could even process that Gabriel’s lips were off of his. He could hear Gabriel talking in that sweet baby voice that Jackson thought was only for him… Jackson should have known better. _

_ But then Gabriel would hang up the phone, climb back in bed… kiss him again… sigh against his skin, kiss down his neck, whirlwind spinning faster faster as hands become more impatient and needy and full of desire and then Jackson’s forgiven him again, because why would he want to miss this? Why would he want to miss the chance to experience this all the time? It didn’t matter that others experienced it too because  _ he _ also got to… He was lucky enough… _

_ He remembered at the start, Gabriel was so shy. He wouldn’t look at him when he spoke. As if he were embarrassed to be anywhere near Jackson. Maybe Gabriel already knew he was going to cheat on Jackson over and over and over; he knew that Jackson would keep coming back, begging on his knees for Gabriel to keep loving him, keep abusing him, keep tearing him apart and putting him back together with kisses and Scotch tape, to keep letting Jackson play this game over and over.  _

_ But he still doesn’t know why he kept coming back. Why he kept letting Gabriel fuck him over so many times, only to forcibly try to fix it by apologizing and kissing him senseless with those toxic, poisonous, addictive kisses. Again and again, he fell back into Gabriel’s fishbowl. Even after he’d severed his leash tying him there, and finally climbed over the glass lip of the bowl, Gabriel would kiss him sweetly and he’d fall right back in and drown once again. He gets caught in it every damn time.  _

_ Jackson considered cheating just as payback, but knew better. He knew that wasn’t fair. He took the apparent high road and didn’t cheat, but Gabriel liked to accuse him of it. He’d mock surprise, “Oh, look who was caught cheating again!”  Again? He hadn’t done it at all...  Gabriel tried to hide his own faults by accusing Jackson of them… His stupid fucking popularity… he could get anyone he wanted. But Gabriel was an angel, smiling at him with that stupid smile, the stupid bangs… He falls right back for him again. Right back in the tank, right back into those awful multi-colored fake pebbles, amongst all those gross plastic ferns. He falls right back under Gabriel’s spell. He can’t hide his smile as Gabriel kisses him again, makes him tumble right back in love. _

_ Jackson knew this wasn’t love. He knew it. He knew Gabriel loved him as much as he loved himself--which wasn’t at all with the way he treated his own body. Wasted himself away for the means of momentary pleasures. Drugs, sex, drinking… anything he wanted. But Gabriel didn’t love himself, didn’t love Jackson. _

_ So… because Jackson loved himself, and he knew better… He left. He stood up and left Gabriel as Gabriel was babbling, saying he’d slept with some guy named Zachary Furch but that he still loved Jackson the most.  _ I love you the most, Jackson Lockhart, _ he said. What a lie… Jackson knew that wasn’t true. Jackson knew that right now, to heal from this repeated hurt, he would need to love himself and heal. _

_ Jackson spent months and months drawing, writing music, learning to play the piano and the guitar. He took up a lot of odd hobbies trying to distract himself from this mixture of hurt and heartbreak. He couldn’t believe how relieving it was to be away from Gabriel. He could get a coffee without having to buy one of those stupid fancy drinks for Gabriel--where he’d only drink three sips and throw away the rest. He didn’t realize how nice it was to go shopping for some games for his Xbox and not have to worry about Gabriel complaining that video games were boring and stupid. It was so freeing to just be away from all of it. To heal his heart and his emotions, he had to take a break. Take time away from dating and love.  _

“And you did, right?” Theodore asked.

“Yeah. I didn’t date or really… be interested in anyone for a few months.”

“And then…?”

“Then I met this guy, with dark hair, pale skin, and freckles. His smile lights up a room and he has the cutest dimple. And uh, I fell in love with him and I’ve never been happier. Maybe you’ve met him?”

Theodore giggles, “Maaaybe. He sounds awfully familiar.”

Jackson giggles right along with Theodore. This was the way things were meant to be. This is how love was supposed to be. Jackson was glad he got pulled into Theodore’s fishbowl--he can swim freely and the only fish in there is him. Nobody else was lingering, trying to take Theodore away, and Theodore wasn’t trying to hurt him the way Gabriel had. He was lucky, and so so happy. So yes, there were other fish in the sea. 

But Theodore was the only one he needed.


	9. Textual Healing

Theodore stretched for his phone, yawning and rubbing his eyes with the non-occupied hand.

> hey I know it’s like four in the morning for you but I’m currently freaking out

> Gabriel just called me and broke up with me and you know about what happened with Mark and I’m sort of at a loss right now

> I’ve been crying for like fifteen minutes now and I can’t figure out what to do with myself anymore

> you don’t have to respond, I know it’s super late for you

> but I guess it’s nice knowing you’ll read this

All of this came from an unknown number. Theodore didn’t know what happened with Mark, but god he wished he did so he could be more helpful to this stranger. His fingers were careful as he thought out his response, before tapping send.

< I’m sorry that’s all happening

< Are you okay now?

A few minutes later, after Theodore had stretched some more and was going to brush his teeth, the stranger had responded.

> it’s okay. I’m good now, I think.

> can I call you? it would probably be easier to talk than type.

A pang of panic went through Theodore’s body, as he typed quickly.

< Can’t answer a call right now. Kinda busy. Text would be better.

He didn’t even know this poor person’s name.

> okay hang on

< OK

Theodore ate his breakfast, silence in the house. His mom had already gone out to do something, since it was a little past eleven.

Finally, they responded.

> Gabriel called me and he was like “oh, jackson I’m glad you’re able to talk” and I said “why?” because it sounded like he had something to say and that he wasnt saying it and then he just goes “I don’t really see us working out” and I was pleading and I was like “Gabriel baby

we can work this out I know we can please just let us try for awhile” and he wasn’t having it and

he just said “let’s take a break shall we?” and then he hung up and all I heard was that stupid

fucking dial tone for like, ten seconds before I hung up the call too

> and Mark oh god you know about Mark. it’s only been like two days since he died and I miss him so much. it’s so empty without him and there’s always that gap at the table that he’s not there for and it fucking sucks. I miss him so fucking much.

Theodore sighed. Whoever this was clearly was in a lot of pain.

< I’m sorry all that is happening, Jackson.

He was grateful the stranger had said their name. After a bit, they responded.

> thank you... I just dont really know what to do...

> Gabriel has apparently been spreading shit about me

Theodore didn’t know who Gabriel was, but he was enraged.

< What’s he saying?

> he’s saying I’m a dirty cheater and that I broke up with him. people are calling me the scarlet letter now

< That’s stupid.

> yeah it is

> he’s also been just spreading shit that I’m unfaithful and a snake and all that kind of shit… that I’m the worst boyfriend that anyone could ever have the pain of being with

< That seems a little excessive.

> you know how Gabriel is though. he’s over-reactive and volatile

< And you think that excuses his behavior?

> I guess

< No, it explains it, but it doesn’t excuse it. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.

> I appreciate you thinking that way but thats not really true

< You’re worth a lot more than you’re giving yourself credit for, Jackson

> thank you

Jackson didn’t respond past that. Theodore didn’t push it.

~*~

The next day, Jackson texted him again.

> hey, do you wanna go catch the 2:00 of fantastic beasts and where to find them? i was thinking you, me, and JB could go

Theodore didn’t know how to get out of this, but he had to say something.

< I can’t. Family stuff.

If family stuff meant ‘I don’t know where you live, you’re texting the wrong person, and I have a lot of school stuff to do today anyways,’ then yes, family stuff.

> oh okay. me and JB will just go then

< Are you and JB gonna be a thing now that Gabriel’s out?

Theodore regretted it as soon as he sent it.

> no no no. gross. JB and I are just friends. you know that :p

> JB is pretty much an older brother to me. haha

Luckily the stranger responded with humor.

< Just making sure :p

Theodore decided to add another text.

< Anything else you’re going to be doing today?

> thought about going to the Bev for a bit. shopping around to get my mind off of it.

< Beverly Center? Is that close to you?

> yeah, I mean, I usually go to Culver but I figured I’d change it up

The Beverly Center wasn’t too far from where he was. Apparently this stranger and he lived fairly close to each other. Theodore might be able to sneak a peek… find this stranger. That seemed so weird… stalker-ish maybe. But it might be nice to at least see this person he was randomly texting. He decided why not? He wouldn’t reveal himself. Theodore would just keep it a secret. Screw the random school stuff he had to do.

He hopped in his car and drove down to the Beverly Center. If Jackson and his friend JB were going to be seeing a movie, they’d be at the theater. There were crowds of people there since it was a Saturday, but he could at least try. He’d have to come up with something to make Jackson seem obvious. He couldn’t ask for identifying features or that would be weird. So… he did the next best thing.

< Are you at the Bev right now?

> yeah. why?

< I dare you to do something stupid. Make sure to film it or I’ll have no proof you did. Have JB film it or something.

> I’m game. what am I doing?

< Uhhh. I don’t know. Just yell something stupid.

> ffffs. you’re on.

He looked around, listening, waiting for whoever Jackson was to do something stupid. He sees two guys laughing, one a blonde and the other with dark hair. The dark haired one starts filming the blonde as he yells, “THE STAR WARS PREQUELS WERE BETTER!”

Five different people turn and argue, and soon everyone was arguing and laughing. Theodore’s phone buzzes with a video, and Jackson’s comment of, “Was this good enough? Haha.”

Theodore ignores the text and walks up to Jackson, “I hope you don’t actually mean that. The Star Wars thing.”

Jackson laughs, “Nah. I just did it for a dare. Anyone who thinks the prequels are better is an idiot.”

“…True. What movie are you going to see?” Theodore asks, even though he already knows. This felt… weird, in a way. Like he had a partial one-up.

“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. JB,” he says, pointing to his friend, “and I are going to see it. I was going to invite Double B but he said that he couldn’t make it.” …So whoever Double B was, that was the person that Jackson thought was him. He had sort of a plan for when he ended up having to fix the whole phone number situation.

Theodore grins, “Oh! I was going to see that too. Mind if I buy a ticket and join you?”

“Nah, man! Go for it. We’ll wait here for you.”

Theodore buys a ticket for the same showing, and they all sit together. Jackson and him get along very well together. They both laugh at the same things and cry at the same things. Theodore was admittedly a bit more emotional… but that was okay. He liked that he was emotional and Jackson was strong and not as emotional. Theodore could feel himself starting to really like Jackson. Theodore said afterwards, when Jackson had asked for contact information, that his phone was broken, but he could add Theodore on Facebook. “Theodore Valentine.”

“Your last name is Valentine?” Jackson asks, a hyena like laugh escaping his lips.

Theodore giggles too, “Y-Yeah. Is that weird?”

“No! I just didn’t expect it. I expected like… Theodore Jones or something. Really generic since your first name is a bit unheard of.”

“Nah. Valentine!”

JB teases, “Alright you two. Exchange Facebooks and then we’ve got to get going.”

They do so, and Jackson waves as he leaves. Theodore feels his phone vibrate, and sees a text from Jackson.

> met this really cute guy at the movie theater. maybe I can move on from Gabriel quicker than I thought

Theodore feels like he has some insider information… It was a good, weird feeling. In the end, he ended up changing his number so that it wouldn’t be weird when Jackson asked for his number. Now Jackson and Theodore had been dating for a few months, and Theodore has kept this secret the whole time. Double B just said that his phone must have glitched and not gotten the texts, but he can’t explain why someone else was replying. They never figured it out. But that was fine, because Theodore scored himself a really cute boyfriend.

 


	10. Lost

It was Jackson’s idea to have a road trip. Jackson was always the one to come up with stupid ideas, especially ones that both of them knew would end up bad based on their luck. But nonetheless, they both had packed their suitcases for a weekend trip up to Reno. They had planned to go to Las Vegas but decided that the city of drunks and gamblers wasn’t quite their cup of tea. Reno was the second best place to go in Nevada, so they figured that was close enough. With Theodore behind the wheel and Jackson in the passenger seat navigating, they started down the road. Everything was going just fine, they had made it to the highway with no issues. They drove for about three hours and decided to take a stop.

They met two people who were arguing over the last one of the disgusting gas station hot dogs--this one in particular looked like it had been on the rolling contraption they put them on for nearly fifteen years. It was interesting to see the two men arguing about it, neither one seeming to back down any time soon, despite the millions of other awful gas station snacks that they could have indulged in. Jackson invested himself in a soda, which was something safe to purchase from a gas station, and Theodore bought some candy. Theodore had always been partial to peach rings, so he got some of those along with a pack of Twizzlers.

They pile back in the car, and Theodore speaks, “Do I go left or right here, Jackson?”

Jackson glances down at his phone as he’s slurping down some of his diet cola, “Uh, left.” Theodore does as told and they continue down the road. They get back on the highway and keep going. 

They drive for another hour before Theodore says, “Didn’t we see that sign before?” The sign was glaringly obvious, one of those obnoxious Christian ads yelling for every person to repent and that Jesus only loved those who repented for their sins. Jackson shrugs. Theodore sighs, pulling into the exit lane for the next exit, “Jackson, you aren’t even paying attention. Do you have Google Maps even open?”

Jackson holds up his phone and Theodore groans, “I can’t look while I’m driving, smartass.”

Theodore keeps driving straight, trying to find a place where they can turn around. They drive straight here for almost a half hour before coming across a place to turn, and so they follow that path. Another half hour later, they find themselves in a tiny little town. The sign tells them it is called “Genoa,” but someone has vandalized the sign around it. They’re both not sure how to feel about that.

They park in front of a little diner in the town, walking in. Theodore speaks, “Um, hi, we don’t need a seat or anything, but I do need directions.”

“Where to?” the hostess asks.

“Reno?”

The woman giggles, “Oh, dear. You managed to drive about an hour south of there…”

Theodore turns to smack Jackson’s arm, “I can’t believe you got us lost!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Jackson says.

Theodore sighs exasperatedly, before turning back to the hostess, “Can you give us directions to there please?”

The woman nods and writes down directions. Then, as she hands them to Theodore, she says, “Have fun you two! Come back to Genoa soon!”

Theodore and Jackson pile in, this time Jackson diving and Theodore navigating because Jackson was apparently awful at navigating. Theodore begins reading directions, and Jackson has barely gotten the car out of park, “Slow down, Theo. I haven’t driven in months.”

“Oh, great, now we’re going to crash.”

“Don’t be so sassy with me!” Jackson says quickly. “That hurts my feelings.”

Theodore apologizes, and is slow and patient with Jackson as he familiarizes himself with driving again. Of course because Jackson is still getting used to driving, he takes a couple wrong turns while Theodore wasn’t looking. Now they were most certainly lost in the rural parts of Nevada… They end up in another tiny town, this one with a few cute kitschy shops and some restaurants. The town had one hotel with apparently four rooms. Three of those rooms were vacant. The light was fading from the sky and just like that their day trip to Reno was turning into a stay in a random small town in Nevada because neither of them could work together to get to where they needed to go.

They rent out a room at the hotel, and then grab dinner at one of the little restaurants. It was a cute mom and pop restaurant, with only a few employees and around ten customers inside. They got their food quickly, and for the price it was decent. Then they walked around the town, looking at the different stores. Jackson couldn’t resist buying a tacky set of nesting dolls that the seller had said were from Prague but Theodore tried to make Jackson realize that that probably wasn’t true. What was ten dollars in the scheme of things though? They were pretty either way, and Jackson knew his mom would like them.

Theodore couldn’t resist the clothing store. It had some hip, modern clothes, and then a lot of older clothes. Thick, wool sport jackets and long pants without the nice crease down the side. Many of the older clothes were tweed patterned, or argyle sweaters. Theodore kept shoving ugly clothes at Jackson and telling him that he’d look like a million dollars in them. Jackson kept rolling his eyes, hanging the clothes back up as Theodore would move ahead. Theodore also found a couple shirts he liked and bought them.

The last store they went into was a record store, which they were both excited about. CDs, movies, records, and video games, all in one. What a lucky opportunity. Though the store was small, it had a pretty vast selection. Jackson and Theodore both ended up picking some CDs and records to buy, and enjoyed spending time together. Even despite them getting lost, they were at least having fun.

They tucked in for the night in the hotel, tangled up in the tiny bed. It was barely big enough for one person, let alone two grown college-aged boys, but they made it work. It was lucky they liked each other so much. They giggled as they tangled up together in the sheets, the rough blanket scraping their skin but the sheets were soft at least. Theodore falls asleep first, like always, eyes closed and breathing softly against Jackson’s chest. Jackson runs his fingers through Theodore’s hair gently, patient and sweet when it came to him. He hums quietly to make sure that Theodore is completely asleep before Jackson can even consider going to sleep. Theodore’s happiness and comfort always came before his. That was the way it worked with him. Jackson could be the saddest man alive and if Theodore smiled and said he was happy, his mood would brighten in an instant. Theodore always said he was the lucky one, but Jackson knew he was the lucky one in the relationship.

Jackson falls asleep after laying awake thinking for about an hour after Theodore had fallen asleep. He sleeps soundly and wakes up to Theodore bringing up breakfast from the diner down the street. They eat quietly, kissing occasionally even though Theodore would bat Jackson’s face away and whine about his morning breath. It was cute, and made Jackson giggle. Jackson spilled juice down the front of his shirt but he didn’t care. It made Theodore laugh and that made it all okay, even if his shirt was sticky.

Jackson showers, changing into a fresh shirt that Theodore had gotten from the car, and then they pile back into the car. Jackson had made sure to charge his phone so they could just let the navigation lead them instead-- Except he hadn’t. His phone was dead.

“Hey… uh, Theo… my phone’s dead.”

“Jackson…” Theodore sighs out. 

“I’m sorry.”

Theodore reaches into the back, into a bag he had in his car just in case of emergency. Inside was a phone charger that plugged into the cigarette lighter. “Here.”

Jackson charges up his phone enough for it to turn on before then loading up Google Maps. He types in the address of the hotel they were planning to stay at and then presses ‘navigate.’ He sets his phone down in the cupholder, letting the robotic voice of the Google Maps woman, whom Theodore and Jackson had lovingly started calling Barbara by the end of the trip, guide them to Reno. 

They saw the sights in Reno, still ran into a bunch of drunk people. They went to stores, went to restaurants, and their hotel was nice. The bed was big, the sheets were soft, the atmosphere was similar to Las Vegas. A calmer, less uncomfortable Las Vegas. But… even despite that, Theodore and Jackson admitted when they got home that they had more fun in Genoa and in the other small town in Nevada, rather than Las Vegas. In Reno, people were harassing them and calling them slurs. In the little towns, no one seemed to notice. The small, sleepy towns had so much charm, and Reno felt… like Reno. Like what they expected. They had much more fun in the small towns and they admittedly didn’t regret getting lost on the way there. They also weren’t mad when they got lost on the way back and were able to tour another cute, small town. Jackson wasn’t mad either because he got a matching set of nesting dolls for his pseudo-Prague set. Theodore kept making fun of him for it anyways.


	11. Patched Up

Jackson hadn’t planned this. He never planned it. But for the third time this week, fists were flying and words exchanged. It had started when two guys kept following behind Jackson on his way home. He was tired, he just wanted to go home and sleep after working a nine-to-eight shift. He was exhausted, standing on his feet bagging groceries, organizing shelves, rearranging things, talking with customers, offering free samples that no one took. But these guys wouldn’t leave him alone. They started talking.

“Hey, faggot, where’s your boyfriend?”

“Shut up,” Jackson says, but doesn’t provoke. He doesn’t try to make things worse.

“Aww… we hurt the pansy’s feelings, Kyle!”

Jackson still is silent, ignoring them. Walking a little faster. But he can hear the sounds of their steel toed boots pursuing him still at the fast pace he’d chose. He knew if he said something they’d hit him harder but he knew either way he was fucked. Especially with the way that they surrounded him, even as only two. Two against one was a losing fight, even if Jackson had a lot of strength and worked out regularly.

“Are you going to fight like a girl or a man, twink?”

Jackson’s enraged, but he clenches his fists so hard his nails dig into his palms. He can feel how hard he’s squeezing his hands together, his lips pursed together and frowning. He’s so angry, but he can’t act.

But… he can act when one of the punches. And one of them took the opportunity. Kyle, the one he knew beforehand who had been harassing her for months, swung first, his fist cracking into Jackson’s face. He felt his nose get warm, and it hurt, and he was startled by the sudden fist even if he expected to get punched, and he backed up as his face stung. Pressing the fleshy side of his palm onto the bottom of his nose, trying to stave the blood for moment as he regains his footing.

The guys are laughing and Jackson’s free hand goes up to pop one of them in the jaw, fist connecting with flesh and bone so hard it makes the other guy’s teeth clack together and his mouth snap shut. Kyle reels back to punch Jackson again and he ducks. His head rings from the punch but he knows he has to at least get away. He punches the other guy in the nose and he falls, and then he turns to kick Kyle in the crotch. Kyle was quicker and catches his leg, twisting it uncomfortably so he falls to the ground. He catches himself with his already bloodied palms as Kyle looms over him. Blood drips down his face as Kyle stomps hard on his exposed wrist. Pain crackles up his wrist, and he has an uncomfortable feeling that he’ll have to get it set by a doctor.

He doesn’t know how to react. The guy on the ground gets up, and Kyle pulls Jackson up, holding Jackson back helpless and saying, “Hey, Caleb, wanna punch the pretty fairy?” Caleb grins evilly, nodding. Jackson hates himself for punching the guy twice in the face, seeing the guy’s busted lip and bleeding nose not unlike his own. Caleb’s fist hits him hard in the eye, and Jackson can feel it bruising already. He could feel it swelling. Caleb laughs a stupid, ugly pigheaded grunt of a laugh, and Kyle drops him. Kyle pushes Jackson down again and they both walk away, laughing and slapping hands as if they achieved some sort of goal.

Maybe they had a quota of LGBT kids to hit every night…

He looks around and he’s scared. These streets were already threatening, but after getting beaten like this again, this is the worst time. This is the worst he’s been beaten. He sits down on the steps in front of some shitty south side apartment complex, pulling out his phone and dialing Theodore’s number.

Theodore picks up immediately, “Hey, babe. You okay?”

“Um…” he says slowly, nervously. He didn’t ever want to call Theodore about these kinds of things. He could always say it was some mishap at work but this was inexcusable. “I’m at Thirty Fifth and Oak, can you come walk with me the rest of the way home please?”

“Why?”

“Just… please come.” He couldn’t say it. He hangs up as Theodore is in the middle of asking why again. Jackson waits there for a half hour, looking around anxiously in case Caleb and Kyle come back. He can hear footsteps and finds himself begging softly, “Please just don’t break anything else…”

Theodore still didn’t see him, but he speaks, “Break anything else?” Jackson feels hot shame and worry flow through him, and he steps into the light. Theodore’s smile fades away into concern. “What happened to you? Jackson?” Hot tears start down his face, that strong, tough facade fading away in an instant the moment Theodore asked, the moment Theodore saw. How could he be so weak?

“T-Two guys, they… um, they beat my ass,” he says sadly. “They beat me for um…”

“Being gay?” Theodore says.

“Don’t say it so loud!” Jackson says, his voice raising in pitch because of his anxiety.

Theodore didn’t like this look on Jackson. He didn’t like that Jackson had streams of blood coming from both nostrils, dried and cracking and still coming out into his mouth. His teeth were stained red from the blood. His eye was swollen nearly shut, purple and ugly. Jackson’s face was covered in tears. In fear. There was worry and lines etched in his face, his eyebrows narrowed in concern. Theodore puts a hand gently on his face and Jackson slaps it away, “D-Don’t! They m-might see and come back!”

Theodore frowns and sighs. “Okay. Um… come on. I’ll have to stop at the store to get some medical stuff but I’ll patch you up.” Jackson follows next to Theodore and he wants so badly to hold his hand but he knows that the risk far outweighs that desire. He can’t risk this, and he’s too weak to fight anymore, to defend Theodore. He can’t defend Theodore… can’t defend himself. They go into a Walgreens and Jackson follows behind Theodore like a scared kicked puppy, and then they head home after Theodore had made some purchases of rubbing alcohol and gauze. They get back home, and Jackson sits on the couch as Theodore had told him to.

He’s still crying when Theodore comes back.

“Jackson… babe,” Theodore says gently. He kisses his boyfriend’s forehead, “You’re okay. They can’t get you in here. I’m here…” Before Theodore can even consider patching his wounds, he knows that he has to comfort Jackson. He holds Jackson close, rocking him gently and speaking softly to him, as Jackson shakes and sobs. He knows his nose is staining Theodore’s shirt but Theodore doesn’t seem to care. Theodore was humming softly, even if he wasn’t a very good singer, but it was comforting. They sit there in the quiet, the only sounds in the room being Jackson’s gentle sobbing, Theodore’s soft humming, and the very familiar tick tock tick tock of the clock on the wall.

Theodore kisses the top of Jackson’s head when he stops crying. Then, he sits Jackson up, gently wiping the blood from his face with a wet wash cloth. He kisses his cheek as he gently wipes his entire face, soothing and soft. Wiping away the tears, the spread blood, the snot. He offers a watery smile to Theodore as they sit there, and Theodore patches him up, slowly, and carefully. His lips are gentle and sure as they kiss him, and they kiss sweetly and softly for a bit before Jackson pulls away.

His voice is heartbreakingly pained, “D-Do you still love me, Theo? E-Even though my nose is probably broken a-and my wrist is f-fucked up?”

Theodore smiles gently at him, “Of course I do, babe. I won’t ever stop loving you, even if homophobes keep beating both of us up. That won’t keep us apart.” Theodore kisses Jackson’s cheeks, his forehead, his lips. He kisses his neck, his shoulders. Theodore takes his time, kissing his skin carefully and intentionally. He wants to make sure Jackson feels every single kiss to every single freckle, every single kiss to every single scar on his skin from Gabriel, from any other person who dared to lay an ill finger onto Jackson’s soft, porcelain skin.

Theodore spent all of two hours placing soft, leisurely kisses to every single expanse of Jackson’s skin. Every place he could reach. Jackson would giggle, ticklish as he was, and it was sweet and soft. He never had felt so loved, basking in all of Theodore’s warmth. How did he get so lucky? Jackson catches Theodore in a kiss as Theodore looks up at him, and he smiles into the kiss. Pulling away again after a moment, he speaks quietly, “I love you….”

“I love you too, babe.”

Those words warmed him up faster than coffee in the morning, faster than his favorite blanket, his softest sweater, his fluffiest socks. They made him feel softer than any puppy could, than any cheesy Christmas card or any other tacky compliment from his parents. Theodore’s words always made him feel the happiest, the warmest, the softest. They made him feel like the most loved boy in the history of the world. And if it was just between them, he was.


	12. Posthumous

The problem was that Jackson kept getting into fights with the homophobes. They got worse and worse, wearing brass knuckles and actually using the steel-toed boots they’d worn. Their punches would break his face to the point that his nose curved and his cheeks and jaw weren’t the same. He still was as handsome and beautiful as ever, but… still. His face was fucked up.

What Theodore didn’t expect was for Jackson to be an hour late coming home. His phone rang and he grabs it without looking, excited to at least hear Jackson’s voice, “Hey, baby. Where are you?”

The voice that responded wasn’t Jackson’s. It was some other man’s. “Uh… hey uh… My name’s Kyle… Um. I didn’t mean to-- b-but. And I called the cops already b-but uh--”

“What happened? Tell me what happened.” Theodore’s voice is monotone, no longer the soft and gentle voice he used for his love.

“Uh… I punched him in the face and uh… I landed too high up and I th-think I killed him.”

“What?!”

“Listen, I d-didn’t mean to, man, I’m really sorry. I called the ambulance and they’re on their way but I have to go before they get here.”

“Why? Why can’t you let them arrest you for murdering him?!” Theodore feels tears prickling in his eyes. “Why don’t you let them give you what you deserve?!”

“Listen, man, I’m sorry. I have to go. You’re his emergency contact, so I thought I’d tell you before the cops do, but I have to go, man.” The line went dead, and Theodore’s heart sinks. How… could this have happened? Jackson was… dead?

He receives a call from the police fifteen minutes later confirming that Jackson was being sent to the hospital. They told him a cop would come by to pick him up to take him to hospital. Then, ten minutes later, an officer knocks on his door and he gets into the man’s car. Officer Anderson. Officer Anderson drives him to the local hospital, Saint Joseph’s, and then he’s taken into room four fifty two on the fourth floor. He’s led inside, Officer Anderson’s hand on Theodore’s shoulder.

Jackson’s face is disgusting. Bloodied and battered, purple, green, blue, yellow, red bruises all over his face. His throat is covered in purpling bruises in the shape of a hand. He has cuts all over his arms and face. His fingers were bleeding, a few of the nails torn straight off of his hands. His shirt, which was in a pile on the floor since he’d been taken out of his clothes, was bloody and torn. The heartbeat monitor at the side that was hooked up to his finger was beeping, but very slowly.

A doctor spoke, looking at a clipboard, “Are you Theodore Valentine?”

“Y-Yes.”

“You were listed as Jackson Lockhart’s first contact. He’s stable right now, but I’m not sure if he’ll… um. If he’ll make it.”

“What happened?”

“Um, he’s suffering from a broken nose, a fractured jaw, some of his fingernails have been ripped out, he has many lacerations, extreme bruising, and he may have a fractured rib. We haven’t done X-rays on that yet.”

Theodore nods. He sits down in one of the plastic chairs. “Will he wake up?”

“We don’t know. He’s still unconscious as of right now.”

Theodore nods again, moving the chair closer to Jackson’s side. 

“We’ll be coming by a bit later to clean up his wounds, so you’ll have to get out of the way for that. We needed to make sure he was stable first.” Theodore isn’t really listening, too busy looking at the broken face of his boyfriend. He can’t believe this happened to him… What would they do? What would he do if Jackson didn’t wake up?

~*~

Jackson woke up briefly, and Theodore told him how much he loved him. Jackson smiled blankly, and mumbled, “Love you too,” but he couldn’t talk much or very well because of his injuries. A few hours later, Jackson fell back asleep, and then Theodore cried when he heard the beeping on his heart monitor go flat to one monotone beep.

Monotone. That’s what his life was now. Grey, monotone, bullshit. How was he supposed to go on now that Jackson was… dead?

A few months pass miserably, and he hates every moment. He finds himself dialing Jackson’s phone, every day, just to hear his voice.

_ “Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of Jackson Lockhart. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, I’m probably working or busy. Leave your name and number, and we’ll be in touch soon. Thanks so much!” _

He’d listen to it every day, the way that Jackson said his own name, the way he pronounced every word. Sounds he took for granted. He kept sending messages to Jackson’s phone, as if he would answer.

> I love you.

> It’s been 2 months since you passed.

> I miss you so so much.

> It’s been 4 months.

> 5 months.

> I keep thinking you’ll reply to me.

> I love you so very much.

> I’m so angry those… assholes took you away from me.

> You didn’t deserve that.

> I wish it could have been me instead.

Every time Theodore called Jackson’s number and he didn’t pick up, he doesn’t know how to feel. He knows that Jackson can’t but there’s always this weird hope that he will. After six months, he dials his number again.

“Hello?”

Someone had answered. Jackson? Was he… what? How?

“Jacskon? Baby, is that you? Are you there?”

“... I think you’ve got the wrong number. My name’s Alex.”

“Wh-What?”

“You’ve got the wrong number. I don’t even know a Jackson.”

… Jackson’s number had been switched. He lost every single chance of contact. He would never hear Jackson’s voice again.

~*~

Theodore kept having dreams of Jackson. That was all he had left. Jackson smiling at him. Jackson speaking softly.

_ “I love you, Theo.” _

_ “You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever met.” _

_ “You’re so wonderful.” _

_ “Kiss me, wonder boy.” _

_ “You never cease to amaze me.” _

_ “My beautiful, brave, amazing boyfriend.” _

_ “I love you with all my heart, Theodore Valentine.” _

Jackson would kiss him under big oak trees, weeping willows. In castle walls, as a prince and a knight. He’d take Polaroid photos. He’d suddenly have brown hair, black hair. He’d sing songs of confessions. He’d dance on a stage, do flips and jumps and martial arts. Jackson was doing all these amazing things. Jackson was amazing, powerful, strong. Jackson could withstand anything.

Anything except brass knuckles and steel-toed boots. 

Theodore wakes up in a cold sweat, already crying. He shakes and cries. He reaches for his phone to dial the number of one of Jackson’s friends, who comes over to console him. As he cries into the other male’s shirt, he realizes that he’s not okay. He thought he could handle this. But he couldn’t. It was too hard.

Jackson’s friend, JB, is there for Theodore as much as he can be despite his busy day job. Theodore is lucky the sadness usually hits him at night. At night when JB could come by and actually help him. JB wasn’t a replacement to Jackson, Theodore never intended him to be. But JB was at least another person who knew what Theodore was going through. JB would stay the night at Theodore’s place, sleep on the couch, make sure Theodore got up the next morning and make sure Theodore slept through the night. JB didn’t have to, but he did. Theodore couldn’t have been more grateful that JB was there to help him, even if it didn’t do much to fill the hole in his heart where Jackson had used to be.

He didn’t feel Jackson’s love anymore, didn’t feel Jackson’s warmth. It felt so empty and dark without him there. Dark, lonely, lame… He couldn’t function without him. Theodore struggled to get out of bed. Theodore struggled to eat, to go to work, to do… anything. Because Jackson wasn’t there to laugh, to smile, to joke with him. Theodore missed Jackson’s sweet texts, his jokes and stupid comments. He missed it all. Nothing could fill that space, no matter how often his friends and family texted him. Asked how he was doing. It felt almost suffocating, really, that they texted him so much. It wasn’t the same. Wasn’t fair. But he couldn’t do anything to stop this. He had to try to get out of the funk on his own, and the only other person who helped him remember to eat anymore was JB, who’d send him texts often asking if he ate, if he was sleeping alright, if he needed anything. If anyone else asked, he wouldn’t trust. But something about JB’s quiet, serious demeanor made Theodore want to trust him more and be more honest.

Theodore would sleep every night in Jackson’s clothes. He never washed them because he didn’t want them to stop smelling like Jackson. The side of the bed that Jackson slept in was left untouched. That side of the bed always unmade, the little dents where his body had been left untouched. His things were left exactly where he’d placed them before… before he’d died. Sometimes if Theodore pretended, it almost felt like Jackson was still alive.

But he wasn’t. And Theodore had to accept that, however hard it was.

Theodore started dating another guy, and he liked him, but he didn’t fall head over heels the same way that he had for Jackson. No one could replace Jackson.


	13. Taught and Teach

When Theodore learned he was going to be meeting Jackson’s family for Thanksgiving, he thought it was only fair he should try to learn some things in Jackson’s native language, even if he couldn’t speak it fluently and his parents knew English. It was the thought that counted. Jackson was fine with that. Korean wasn’t the hardest language to learn… writing it was harder than saying it. So, Jackson prepared a little booklet of stuff that he and Theodore would learn how to say.

“The first thing we’re going to learn is how to say is a general greeting. It means ‘hello,’ ‘good morning,’ ‘good evening,’ everything like that basically.”

“Okay,” Theodore says.

Jackson carefully writes the characters in front of Theodore, who looks at him blankly. Jackson laughs, “It’s okay. You won’t have to write them or read it. I’m just writing them down so I don’t forget what I’ve taught you.”

“Okay….” Theodore’s already a little scared about this. “How do I pronounce it?”

“Annyeonghaseyo.”

“What?”

“Okay. We’ll break it up into bits. Repeat after me.”

“Alright.”

Jackson pronounces the syllables as they would be pronounced in the word. “Ahn. Nyeong. Ha. Say. Yo.”

Theodore says each syllable after Jackson, before trying to put them together.

Jackson smiles, “Remember it’s an ‘ny’ sound, not just the ‘y.’”

“Oh… right.” Theodore says it right the next time, but very slow.

“Okay… now faster.” Theodore says it over and over, feeling it out and trying to get used to saying it. Theodore gets it and Jackson smiles, kissing him. “You’re doing good.”

They go through this for an hour every day.

_ Hello, good morning, good evening: annyeonghaseyo. _

_ Mother: eomi or eomeoni. _

_ Father: appa or abeoji. _

_ Goodbye: annyeong. _

_ How are you?: jal iss-eoss ni? _

_ Thank you: kamsahamnida. _

_ Please: budi or jebal. _

_ Nice to meet you: mannaseo bangabseubnida. _

Just for laughs, Theodore asks a few days before their lessons were over and they’d have to meet Jackson’s parents, “How do you say ‘I love you?’”

Jackson falters for a moment before smiling a little. He writes the characters in front of Theodore even though they meant nothing to him. Then, he speaks softly, “Salanghae.”

Theodore smiles a little too, trying to pronounce it. “Sah...lan...ghay?”

“Yeah! Salanghae.”

Theodore smiles wider, “Well, salanghae, Jackson.”

“Nado salanghae,” Jackson replies with a smile. Then, because he can’t help showing off. “Naneun mueosobodado dangsin-eul salanghabnida.”

“What did you say?”

“I love you more than anything else.”

“You’re so sweet.”

“Kamsahamnida.”

Theodore slaps Jackson’s arm, “You better keep speaking English to me, or I’m going to have to buy a Korean to English dictionary.”

Jackson giggles, “Geugeos-eul boneun geos-i jaemiiss-eul geos-ibnida.”

“What?”

“I said, ‘It would be funny to see that.’”

“Quit teasing me!”

“Mos! Neoleul neomu joh-ahae.”

“What? Quit it.”

“Never, I like you too much for that.”

Theodore rolls his eyes. “If you and your parents are talking in Korean, I’m only going to know half the words you say.”

“More like a fourteenth, but yeah. Especially because we talk really fast.”

Theodore sighs. This was going to be hard.

He visits Jackson’s family, who lived in one of the outer cities, and just as Jackson predicted, they all spoke really fast. “Jackson! Dasi mannaseo bangawoyo! Ulineun dangsin-eul geuliwohaessda!”

The only word Theodore recognized was ‘Jackson.’ Oh boy…

“Um, annyeonghaseo…” Theodore says softly.

Both of his parents’ faces light up.

“Hangug-eoleul hal jul aseyo?”

“Um…” Theodore says. Well, he’d certainly stepped in it now.

Luckily Jackson came in to save the day, “Geuneun naega galeuchyeo jun geosdeulman algoissda. Yeong-eolo malhasibsio.”

His parents both nod, and very slowly say, “Oh! Joesonghabnida…. We did not… realize you only knew a small part of Korean. We will try to speak English for you.”

“Kamsahamnida,” Theodore says. “Mannaseo bangabseubnida.”

“It is nice to meet you too, Theodore. Jackson loves to talk about you.”

Jackson blushes, “Don’t embarrass me, eomi…”

Of course, his mom took every opportunity to embarrass him while his grandmother made dinner and his father talked with Jackson. Theodore got the golden opportunity of seeing Jackson’s baby pictures, hearing countless stories of Jackson doing stupid stuff as a kid. It was sweet to hear these stories, and though it was hard when she’d slip back into Korean without thinking, it was still nice. Mrs. Lockhart was nice, and so was Mr. Lockhart. Jackson’s mom was in the middle of telling a story when Jackson and his father came in.

“And he had just fallen down… I remember he was saying, ‘Neomu apa, eomi!’, naneun geuleul dowayahaessda!”

Upon seeing his blank face, Jackson translates, “He was saying, ‘It hurts so much, mom,’ and I had to go help him. Eomi, are you telling the story of when I fell off the swingset as a kid?”

His mom giggles, “Geulae, naya.”

“What other embarrassing stories have you told him?”

Theodore cuts in before they start talking in Korean, more stuff he doesn’t understand, “She told me the bathtub story, the naptime story, the time you were in preschool, and the time in third grade where you lost your lunchbox and cried.”

Most of the night passes smoothly, Jackson translating for Theodore as best as he remembers, and Theodore trying to respond in Korean if he can with his limited phrases, or speaking slowly and clearly in English. They get along just fine. 

Dinner is fun, they have some traditional Korean dishes, and they allow Theodore to say the grace, carefully, in English, with Jackson translating it to his parents because it had a lot of unfamiliar words. The food is delicious, flavorful and rich, and Theodore falls in love with it. It’s hard not to enjoy. 

Jackson’s mother is petite, and has the same eyes as him, coy and smart and full of wit. She’s incredibly funny, and her laugh is as contagious as her son’s. Even when Theodore doesn’t understand the joke, her laugh combined with her son’s is enough to get him to howl with laughter too. She dresses well, casual and simple, and never seems to have a smile far from her face.

Jackson’s father is almost the opposite from Jackson’s mother. He’s serious, with black, thick rimmed glasses. His hair is dark, and he always wears a button down and trousers, or so Jackson tells Theodore. His demeanor is very calm, cool, and collected. He’s interesting, no doubt, but the seriousness of his father’s look is curious considering how rambunctious and fun his son is. Then again, Jackson did have his moments of seriousness and honesty.

Out of them all though, and Theodore hadn’t met Jackson’s entire family yet, Jackson’s grandmother was his favorite. She was unfiltered, hilarious, and would often say things without thinking. She loved jokes, loved being loud, and would constantly tease Jackson, much to Jackson’s dismay. Jackson would blush and mumble, “Ttong, geuleon mal hajima.” His grandmother would always laugh and say ‘why not?’ because it was fun to tease him.

Jackson had siblings, a sister and brother, and a few cousins. His grandparents had mostly passed on except his grandmother and his grandfather on his mother’s side. Regardless, they were a fun family. The Lockharts came to the United States three generations back, travelling here after the change in rulers in Korea. Both his parents were Korean, and his mother had been living here when she’d met his father--her family had come a long time before that. 

The face his mother made talking about the day she’d met his father was adorable and soft. His mother was still learning English because she’d been raised in a mostly Korean-only speaking household, and she needed to know English before she could even consider applying for a job. His father had been nearly fluent in English for awhile, and he saw Jackson’s mother standing at the corner for a subway, trying to read the sign so she took the right stop. He read the sign to her, and in exchange, she asked if he wanted to get coffee. Since that day, they saw each other every day at that same coffee shop on dates, smiling and laughing. Jackson’s mother said that one of the reasons that she liked Jackson’s father so much was  _ because _ he was so serious. His seriousness balanced her out, just as much as she managed to pull out the funny, joking side of Jackson’s father sometimes. Though Theodore hadn’t seen it, the way Jackson agreed made him trust that that was the truth.

As they’re both leaving, he can hear Jackson and his mother talking.

“Salanghae, eomi.”

“Nado salanghae, eonjedwunji hwan-yeong hal geolago malhaejwo. Neoui abeojiwa geuleul jeongmallo joh-ahanda.”

Jackson nods, kissing his mother on the cheek before heading to the car where Theodore had been waiting.

“What did she say?” he asks.

Jackson shrugs. “She said she loved me, blah blah. Said you’re welcome back any time, that her and my dad really like you.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah,” Jackson says with a gentle smile, before stepping closer to Theodore and smiling at him wider. “Can I kiss you?”

“Of course.” He kisses Jackson first, meeting him halfway through his ministrations and pressing his lips to Jackson’s. Theodore smiles into the kiss and it’s hard for Jackson not to resist smiling either.


	14. Fairy Tale (And How It Fell Apart)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is based off of my own story, called 'the red king and the mad king,' so if it's similar, that's why. the dialogue is basically all the same. i'm tired. this was 2,000 words.

For some reason, people always saw Theodore as Jackon’s enemy. That wasn’t true. Where Theodore, as the king of the kingdom of Valentine, was patient, kind, and sincere, Jackson, as the king of the kingdom of Lockhart, was just the same. They were equal in every way, except that Theodore was in the kingdom right next door, and he kept to himself more than Jackson did. But they weren’t enemies. They didn’t hate each other. Their parents, however, did.

His parents had asked Theodore what his plans were for the next heir. Theodore did not know how to tell his parents there would not be a son or daughter of his because he was more interested in men… so he just left it. Said he would figure things out. They tried to marry him off but he would refuse. They didn’t ask questions and let him just figure things out on his own. The Valentine kingdom would end pretty quickly on Theodore’s behalf because he wouldn’t have an heir under his name. He didn’t know how to tell his parents, but that was the way that it was.

Theodore’s parents had since retired the throne, and he was the sole king. Jackson’s parents had retired much at the same time, and had instilled the promises of rivalry and hatred towards the Valentine kingdom just as they had. But Theodore had ignored his family’s begging to fight with the Lockharts. He was content with peace. Jackson, on the other hand was not.

He got a letter from the kingdom next door, and a page brought it in for him to read. King Valentine looked over the parchment sealed shut with a wax seal. Dark, pretty green with hints and swirls of silver and gold. In the middle was an ‘L,’ and, after telling the page to leave the room, he opened the letter. Squinting at the writing, he tried to make out what the letters were very slowly. Taking his time to read it.

_ To Theodore Valentine of the Valentine Kingdom of Glen, _

_ I propose that thou and I meet and create an agreement ‘tween us that we can either hast peace or war. I grow weary of this neutrality and silence between us. _

_ From the highest King Jackson Lockhart of the Lockhart Kingdom of Alderfor. _

Theodore began to wonder if this letter wasn’t meant for him, as stupid as it was, but he knew that couldn’t be true, considering he’d addressed it to him in his full name. The kingdom name was also correct… There was no way it was wrong. He only hoped that Jackson wouldn’t be angry, or violent.

~*~

That was a wrong hope. 

King Jackson of Alderfor stood before him, in the library-turned-conference room. He wanted to believe that Jackson wasn’t angry, or that he wouldn’t hurt him. The only odd look about him was the look in his eyes that made Theodore feel like Jackson knew something he didn’t. Jackson was attractive even, pretty pink lips and blonde hair.

“I believe that ‘tis in our best interest to either pursue war or peace. I leave that decision to thou,” King Jackson says.

“But wherefore art thou interrupting our silence so suddenly? Thou wast perfectly fine with the silence.”

“That was ‘ere I defeated several other kingdoms. Yours was next in the line.”

Theodore recalled that. King Jackson had taken over Rosedale, Swynbourne, and Broadview. He was… next. Theodore sighs, switching the weight on his legs nervously, “But peace is still an option, ay?”

King Jackson smiles, but the smile holds a coyness, because he had some advantage. Like someone who’d fixed the game in his favor. “Ay, peace is an option. But peace is an option for a price. I doth not spare lives for free. Thou shouldst wot that.”

The silence is deafening, pregnant and full as they sit there. As Theodore weighs his options. He decides peace for a price is worth it for the sake of saving lives and keeping people safe. “Ay, what is thy price? Any amount of gold, land, agriculture; I will pay it to thou.”

The king of Alderfor smiles, with a smirk that was partially menacing as much as it was attractive to Theodore. The king smiles still… silence still… But then he speaks. “The price is simple.” As if that answered all his questions. Theodore opens his mouth to ask what he means, to get more clarification, but is silenced by the opposing king’s lips on his own. He can’t mask his surprise, which comes out as an exasperated noise that King Jackson takes as invitation to pull him closer. They kiss for what feels like hours, tasting and exploring, and Jackson all the while searching for a way to grab him, groping for purchase to pull Theodore closer.

Eventually, they part, and King Theodore blurts, “Good sir, how am I to payeth this price if’t be true we art both did occupy with other tasks f’r our kingdoms? It dost not seem feasible for us.”

King Jackson smirks again, but doesn’t answer the question that King Theodore had asked. “Doth thou not find me attractive?”

That was a loaded question, and also not an answer to what he’d been asked. “That dost not answer mine question, good sir.”

The king of Alderfor is much more forceful, pulling Theodore closer by a fistful of his robes. They were nose-to-nose. “Thou did not answer mine question either. Doth thou find me attractive, or nay?”

“...Ay, ay, sir.” Theodore can’t help but be honest.

Jackson’s face is pulled into an even wider grin. “Then trust that thy need for our… fees to be met will come to fruition on its own terms.” The man from Alderfor then turned, and left the room. The heavy doors of the library had barely closed before Theodore was able to snap out of it and react to what the other king had said.

~*~

Another letter came with that beautiful green crest and seal. Theodore was excited.

_ To the dearest King Theodore Valentine of the Valentine Kingdom of Glen. _

_ Haply we couldst meet within the next few days if’t be true thee can maketh the time to see me in Alderfor? I hardly cullionly this letter to sound desperate; rather I intend it to clarify that thy payment and dues art behoveful for peace. The first time was dram more than example. Thou still owe me. _

_ From the highest King Jackson Lockhart of the Lockhart Kingdom of Alderfor. _

Theodore called a page to arrange for travel later the next day, and requested a letter be sent to the King of Alderfor, telling him that he would be there as soon as possible tomorrow. He told those around him and those who asked that it was for business. Theodore convinced himself this was business and nothing else. All business, no pleasure involved. Even as attractive as Jackson was, just business.

The next day, he travelled to Alderfor and was welcomed. Everything was beautiful, green plaid and flags flew over the city, and it was as bright as Glen, but in a different way. Where Glen was red and silver, Alderfor was green and gold and silver. Alderfor was richer than Glen, which was yet another reason why peace was important. Theodore smiled at many people who he passed, and all bowed their heads and curtsied when they saw the crown on his head. The peasants of Alderfor were more disciplined than the ones in Glen… or was it that they were a little more afraid?

When he went inside the palace, he was led by a few associates to the throne room. The decor was different than that of Glen. The beautiful green, silver, and gold continued throughout the entire kingdom, the flowerpots had chrysanthemums and roses. King Jackson was sitting on his throne, and startled Theodore by using his name. “Theodore, ‘tis a pleasure to see you. I welcome you to Alderfor. Mine kingdom welcomes thou in all of its--and thy--beauty.”

Theodore manages to hide away his blush and respond, “Gramercy, good sir. I appreciate thy welcome and arrived hither on business to pay mine dues for peace.”

“I wot that is what wherefore ye are hither. For what other reason would thou hast to visit me? We can make thy transaction wherever thou feel is most right.” Theodore was prepared to say somewhere private, but the King of Alderfor was not finished speaking. “And thou may call me Jackson or my liege. Nothing else from hither on.”

Theodore decided he’d call him Jackson. They were on the same level, and calling him ‘my liege’ would give Jackson a seemingly superior edge that he didn’t appreciate. “Ay, Jackson. All is fair with me, and I would like thou to pick whence we art to complete mine debt.”

Jackson smiled, genuine and king, and Theodore felt his nerves melt away. This was what he liked… But still, the King of Alderfor was unexpected… so some of his nerves pricked back up. Jackson led him through the castle to a bedroom, and shut the door behind them.

~*~

The payments went on for months. Theodore promised over and over to himself that it was business… as much as he was lying to himself. Jackson’s payments upgraded from kisses to sex. He couldn’t resist how interesting Jackson was, especially with the softer side he saw. He was sweet when he wanted to be, when he let his guard down and was able to ignore the hatred injected into him by his parents and their words. Jackson even apologized for his negative feelings, saying that at this point it was an act. He didn’t hate Theodore. He loved Theodore. Jackson promised that. One late night, they both laid in bed together in Alderfor, and Jackson spoke softly, “Ay, I doth not think thither is someone I hast seen that is quite as beautiful as thou… Haply one day we will be married. The first dual kingship in the history of Alderfor. Haply in Glen as well?” Even as Theodore was drifting off to sleep, Theodore could hear Jackson keep speaking softly. “Marrying thou may be in both of our best interests, both in the sake of kingship and in the sake of our humors. I dare to say that I bite thee by the ear, likely more than anyone else. I hope that thou would say the same for me, my dear king of Glen.”

~*~

It was hard to hide their feelings. They couldn’t stop people from talking and noticing, and rumors flying. They noticed the frequent letters. Theodore did not dictate a letter this time, instead writing it himself.

_ To the highest King Jackson Lockhart of the Lockhart Kingdom of Alderfor. _

_ The people will begin to talk, Jackson. The people art already beginning to talk about us, about our affections and feelings, and about how our peace payments art being made. Many of the people accountable in mine kingdom for taking stock hast noticed nay a change in the numbers, and art wondering what I pay thou in. It would be most awkward to betoken them I pay thou with mine corse and mine lips, would it not? I ask that thou give me some sort of answer or counsel to solve this issue. _

_ Yours, King Theodore Valentine of the Valentine Kingdom of Glen. _

There was no reply for many months, and Theodore was scared Jackson had passed. The agreements of peace between the kingdoms could be lost… but worse so he would lose the feeling of Jackson’s lips against his, his skin against his. Theodore waited and waited, and any time someone entered his room, he would look for a letter in their hands that was never there. Theodore eventually had had enough, and he travelled over there himself. He didn’t say anything to anyone. He wanted a response, he wanted answers, he wanted anything from Jackson at this point. He was desperate. He went right into the throne room first, and he was not there. There was an empty feeling, the room colder than usual, the room lacking Jackson’s bright personality, even despite it being masked in false hatred.

Theodore kept going, went to Jackson’s bedroom. He spoke for the first time on this trip, “J-Jackson?” The door was wide open which was odd. As he stepped closer, he could see a figure in the bed, fast asleep. Thank god. Though there was only one candle, he knew that blonde hair anywhere… Jackson was only asleep.

As he got closer, looking at the beautiful green blankets and sheets. He remembers the nights where they were tangled up in these sheets, the nights that the moon was their only light. He looks at Jackson’s beautiful red pillows--

Jackson’s pillows were white. They were supposed to be white.

And the colors of the kingdom were green. Never this red like this.

As soon as he realized, the metallic scent of blood stung his senses and his nose.

Theodore backs up, for a moment, pulling the blankets away, and he saw the hole through his lover’s body. A knife in the sheets, blood in a pool. He climbed up next to this beautiful man, his only love, kissing his jaw amidst the tears on his face. There was no heartbeat. No breath, as he listened to his chest.

Jackson was dead. Had to be.

He cried hard, but composed himself quickly as he adopted a newfound hatred. A newfound anger. He sent for a page. “Today I am changing what we doth,” he tells the page. “Today we art going to find whoever killed the highest King Jackson Lockhart of Alderfor. I will make it mine duty and task to kill him by mine own hand.” The page nodded.

Theodore had snapped. His kingdom was no longer red because of the strength and power of the color red. It was red because he caused blood to shed by his own hands. People say he went insane--he had. He was insane because he’d lost his only true love.


	15. ETL (Extra-Terrestrial Love)

He wasn’t an alien. Well, okay, he was an alien by the definition of the word, but he wasn’t… abnormal compared to others. Sure, Jackson came from space, had a space ship and weird alien powers… but he didn’t act any different and wasn’t inherently different on sight. He just looked like a normal guy in his twenties. People didn’t question him, and he had a stable job. He kept to himself, doing his research for the other aliens alone, without any other help. He was perfectly fine living this way.

That is… until a human moved into the apartment next door to him. A human named Theodore. Theodore had a job at the grocery store, and often Jackson would see him scanning his groceries now that he’d settled himself into the apartment next door to Jackson’s. Theodore, however, did put a bit of a kink in Jackson’s plans.

He was told three things when he came to Earth for the scout and research mission he was assigned:

_One: Don’t get caught._ _  
__Two: Keep a full and detailed journal about humans and their everyday lives._

_ Three: Do not, under any circumstances, fall in love. _

Rule one was easy--he blended in well, adapted to the American human culture easily. Rule number two used to be easy… but number three often got in the way of number two, or so he’d been told. And now he’d learned because he’d failed step three. He had done so well over the last ten years on Earth… but Theodore came along and it was game over. Rule three broken, rule two difficult. He was supposed to document every detail, but how could he talk about his crush on Theodore? He wasn’t used to feelings of love. The people of his planet didn’t fall in love. They reproduced and that was it. No love necessary.

So these feelings were all new. Jackson wasn’t familiar with a lot of feelings because living on his home planet made feelings sort of… uncool. Besides that, the creatures of his planet also typically did not express what few emotions they had, especially the elders. And the elders raised the young ones… hence they didn’t express emotions either. But here on Earth, being around the humans rubbed off on him and he started to learn feelings, like an artificial intelligence robot who gained sentience. He learned happiness, sadness, anger… But he’d never learned love until Theodore came along.

In his readings of human texts--which was difficult in and of itself because he had to learn their language, their letters, everything like that--he had read about human feelings. He read about their happiness, sadness, anger, love, compassion, kindness, hatred, angst, lust, and any other emotion known to… well, known to man. Jackson read about it all, only had experienced a handful, and the ones he knew familiarly were countable on one hand. Love was his favorite to read about as much as it was forbidden.

So when Theodore came over to say hello to his new neighbors, and found nobody in the apartment to the other side, he went to say hello to Jackson. And when Jackson opened the door and felt his stomach swoop just like the human texts he’d read, the awful teen and young adult novels, the so-called “chick lit” and Nicholas Sparks stories, he knew he was in trouble. The apparent and metaphorical “butterflies” in his stomach were fluttering. He knew he was in  _ major _ trouble. When Theodore smiled and in his sweet voice said, “Hello, nice to meet you. I’m Theodore,” and Jackson felt his knees go weak, his cheeks flush…  _ Oh, no… _

But Jackson still smiled, can’t help but be a little flirty--that was the right word, right? Human language still confounded him. “Hey, nice to meet you too.” He offered a hand, common courtesy for human people. Theodore shook it and grinned back.

“Just wanted to come by and say hello, since I’m your new neighbor next door.”

“Oh! That’s cool!” Jackson said. As if Theodore’s arrival was news, rather than something he’d sneakily studied to put into his journals. “I’m glad you said hello. If you need help with moving or want to play games or anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Theodore smiles even wider, “Thanks so much--uh…” Searching for his name.

“Jackson,” he says, realizing that he’d never introduced himself by his name. “Sorry about that.”

“No worries. Thanks so much, Jackson. I’ll see you around.” He offers a wave before turning and going back toward his own apartment. Jackson shuts the door slowly and smiles. First contact: success. 

Over the next few months, Jackson talks with Theodore as much as he can. He helps Theodore move into his apartment, arranging paintings on the walls, commenting on various knick knacks and tchotchkes that he’d collected from travelling. Jackson couldn’t resist giving Theodore one of the collectibles from his planet: an intricate necklace with an engraved metal plate and pretty copper accents. Theodore loved it.

They became fast friends, and Jackson wanted nothing more than to act on his feelings of love for Theodore. It was so rare, interesting, new. He wanted to learn more about it, see why his planet had told him he wasn’t allowed to experience it. He hadn’t learned about the subtleties of love… hadn’t learned about all the stuff he read in human texts through real life. He learned in text, now he wanted to learn in practice.

A few months more pass, and eventually Jackson can’t take it anymore. He looks at Theodore who’s in the middle of playing another round of a game at Jackson’s apartment. Watches his face contort in excitement as he scores a few more points. “Yes!”

“Good job, Theo,” Jackson says brightly.

“Thanks, J,” he says in return.

“Um, Theo… Can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure,” Theodore says, pausing the game and turning to face him. Undivided attention. 

“Um,” Jackson starts. He’d read so many stories. Which approach did he take? Which one would woo him, win his heart like all the attractive men in the books wooed the woman they wanted? He never had decided why so many authors only wrote about men and women falling in love. Were humans sex exclusive? Only interested in the opposite? He didn’t understand it.

“What is it?” Theodore prompts, when Jackson doesn’t finish talking.

“Uh... “ What approach, what approach, what approach! What would win him over? “I’ve fallen in love with someone.”

“Oh? Really? Who?” Theodore asks.

“Uh, you… don’t know them. They’re really cool, though. Very nice, funny, they make me laugh and smile. I really like having them around. I’ve been in love with them since the day I met them, and uh, I feel really lucky to be so close to them.”

“Sounds like you really are in love, Jackson…” Theodore says, a smile on his face. So gentle, but so clueless and naive.

“Yeah… Um. The problem is that I don’t know how to tell them that I like them.”

“Ah,” he replies. “Got it. Well, it depends on who they are. Personally…” Jackson can’t believe it was working itself out the same way it was written in the human texts. “I would want someone to just be honest with me. Just flat out say that they like me.”

“Really?” Jackson asks.

“Yeah. Honesty is the best policy, in my opinion. And plus, it cuts out the whole beating around the bush part. Everyone can just be straight and honest with each other.”

“Okay,” Jackson says. Then, he blurts, “I like you, Theodore.”

“What?”

“I like you, Theodore.”

“I like you too, Jackson. Why so sudden in telling me that? Are you practicing for when you confess?”

Jackson feels a little angry that Theodore is so… what’s the word? Clueless. So clueless. “Theodore, you’re the person I was talking about. I like you. I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I’m in love with you,” he repeats. “I’ve been in love with you since you said hello to me when you moved in.”

“...And you didn’t do anything about it?”

“No,” Jackson says. “I wanted to be your friend first. Like everything I read in the human texts.”

“...Human texts?”

_ Shit _ .

“Uh--books, I mean.”

“...Right… Books… human texts…. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you mad that I confessed?” Jackson asks, suddenly scared.

“No, I’m not mad. I… like you too. I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

“I always felt like you were a little different. Writing in your journal all the time… sometimes you’d have slips of the tongue that were a bit weird, like the human texts and books thing… And I… don’t understand why.”

“I’m uh,” Jackson says. “Um, foriegn.”

“Foreign? How so?”

This was the make or break answer. “Do you want the truth that’ll break your heart, or a lie that will let us be together?”

“Jackson, you’re being dramatic.”

“I’m being serious. Answer the question.”

Theodore would have to decide what was more important: the truth of Jackson’s origins, or the love he had for Jackson.

“A lie,” Theodore says.

“I’m from France, and my first language is not English.”

“... That… doesn’t really make sense, but… okay. You’re from France, and your first language isn’t English. Got it.” Jackson didn’t have the right accent, didn’t mistake things the right way. But Theodore would pretend that was the truth, because he wanted to be with Jackson more than he wanted to know the truth. 

The truth was that Jackson was an alien. But to Theodore, Jackson was just Jackson.


	16. Want Him Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a rewrite of my story, Out of the Woods. If you'd like to read that, it's on my page. The body of this chapter WILL BE FILLER. Pay it no mind. I'm just doing that for the sake of reference for word count. Thanks!

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Quisque venenatis imperdiet dui molestie mollis. Integer a leo enim. In vestibulum ex et sapien venenatis blandit. Fusce accumsan aliquam eros, eget tincidunt mauris rhoncus non. Nam at sapien fermentum, facilisis nulla at, feugiat felis. Suspendisse ac scelerisque nunc. Ut a convallis ex, ac dictum dui. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed eu rutrum libero. In odio augue, bibendum et justo vehicula, consectetur congue lorem. Quisque ac massa sit amet nibh efficitur lacinia vitae ac eros. Maecenas facilisis commodo ipsum, at iaculis est volutpat ut. Duis consectetur scelerisque augue, vel volutpat libero congue sed. Cras feugiat urna ac tellus suscipit, sed volutpat ligula maximus. Cras sit amet laoreet turpis.

Donec scelerisque fermentum dui id tempus. Praesent a erat tincidunt, congue neque ut, facilisis augue. Morbi sagittis nisi in orci ultrices, rutrum egestas massa vulputate. Sed vitae sem tellus. Ut imperdiet malesuada egestas. Vestibulum suscipit pulvinar erat non laoreet. Etiam tristique eleifend orci et feugiat. Nam at magna odio. Etiam justo metus, blandit non placerat et, aliquam id mauris.

Fusce nec laoreet tortor, in congue nisl. Suspendisse aliquet sollicitudin magna sed posuere. Proin vitae magna dui. Praesent suscipit turpis non feugiat molestie. In ut quam enim. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Curabitur commodo imperdiet risus, volutpat convallis purus posuere facilisis. Nunc sodales in risus quis vestibulum. Morbi rhoncus id quam a blandit. Ut ullamcorper maximus pulvinar. Nullam blandit, mi quis consequat molestie, neque neque faucibus felis, vitae feugiat lorem mi a nibh. Donec malesuada mi sed lacinia euismod. Nulla posuere nec ligula in sodales. Proin tempor interdum feugiat. Nullam ut metus mi. In at nisl sed dui consequat semper.

Duis posuere tristique lacinia. Sed pulvinar, nibh id ultricies tincidunt, est diam vulputate augue, vel dignissim purus est et lorem. Nulla mattis, libero nec elementum malesuada, sapien massa tincidunt ante, at convallis metus elit vel justo. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Phasellus semper massa ut facilisis malesuada. Vestibulum tempor volutpat quam, venenatis convallis nunc laoreet non. Vestibulum vitae congue risus. Donec bibendum dictum ante, id suscipit dui varius sed. Donec porta sem turpis, ac bibendum dui pellentesque sit amet. Curabitur non arcu ut elit luctus malesuada vitae eu nunc.

Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Phasellus faucibus risus sit amet pulvinar scelerisque. Nulla consequat et diam quis efficitur. Ut eu sem imperdiet, porttitor est in, efficitur dui. Praesent rutrum quis enim ut lacinia. Phasellus lacinia ex nec enim sollicitudin efficitur. Aenean porta lacus id sem tincidunt tempus.

Nunc at eros quis sem bibendum consequat. Phasellus blandit mauris vitae velit lacinia, et accumsan urna ultrices. Aenean viverra metus vitae facilisis bibendum. Cras nulla ligula, faucibus non lacinia eget, congue non dui. Nam rhoncus diam sit amet fringilla dignissim. Donec molestie enim vitae commodo efficitur. Etiam quis interdum justo. Mauris pharetra venenatis leo, eu iaculis nibh tincidunt in. Proin non erat ut purus scelerisque tristique. Sed volutpat sem vitae dolor interdum, vitae vulputate massa viverra. Nam placerat ipsum in diam placerat molestie. Sed ac pretium erat.

Nulla facilisi. Suspendisse hendrerit, tellus ut volutpat blandit, nunc massa porta neque, a tempor ligula orci sit amet odio. Proin sit amet consectetur tortor. Donec ultricies varius aliquam. Praesent sed mi et sem scelerisque dictum. Pellentesque ornare nisl vitae justo ornare sagittis. Quisque vitae aliquam leo. Cras a cursus ligula, id auctor risus. Morbi elit nulla, luctus id eros sit amet, sollicitudin porttitor est. Phasellus a hendrerit lectus. Aenean non scelerisque metus. Mauris a elementum odio. Nullam facilisis sapien arcu, at fringilla justo tincidunt eget. Donec eu leo in metus commodo aliquet vel in nunc. Nunc vel viverra felis.

Proin dictum euismod justo in dignissim. Nunc vitae ipsum id mi gravida interdum gravida sit amet felis. Quisque iaculis cursus pulvinar. Aliquam erat volutpat. Nulla nulla ligula, varius elementum sodales eget, placerat imperdiet odio. Phasellus non nibh a lacus iaculis mollis. Etiam vel iaculis tortor. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Proin commodo massa vitae est congue aliquet. Mauris placerat purus libero, eget ullamcorper erat bibendum quis. Integer dapibus sagittis neque sed sodales. Nam efficitur odio id dictum eleifend.

Aliquam posuere auctor magna vel cursus. Nulla posuere gravida pellentesque. Quisque sollicitudin, sapien sed accumsan tempus, sapien sapien pulvinar ex, ac vehicula massa nisi sed odio. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Quisque mattis semper ultricies. Curabitur pellentesque sagittis tortor, ac molestie lorem dictum et. Fusce sit amet ornare ex. Cras sit amet sem quis tellus vestibulum lobortis quis a ipsum. Etiam eu congue ex, vel accumsan nisi. Morbi sodales id nibh in rhoncus.

Ut dignissim massa eget sollicitudin placerat. Nam sed mollis est. Nunc pharetra feugiat ligula, quis hendrerit augue congue cursus. Donec faucibus urna sit amet sapien porttitor, sed elementum erat rhoncus. Vivamus vestibulum gravida dictum. Praesent ut lorem fringilla arcu congue faucibus. Praesent auctor tincidunt tempus. Proin a lobortis tellus.

Aliquam ullamcorper accumsan metus eu elementum. Proin quam dui, congue at libero a, imperdiet porttitor nibh. Nam ac rhoncus eros. Fusce quis ligula hendrerit mi tincidunt pretium. In id nunc sit amet nunc cursus varius. Maecenas condimentum, est et lobortis blandit, nisi lacus dictum risus, a elementum tortor enim id lectus. Nulla id elit odio. Proin molestie nisi neque, eget sollicitudin lectus fringilla et. Donec id purus mollis, interdum quam quis, viverra metus. Donec interdum, nulla mattis laoreet pharetra, sem risus fermentum diam, fermentum porta sapien nisi et dolor. Praesent sed leo in ante venenatis placerat. Donec mattis lorem lectus, eleifend condimentum felis tincidunt interdum. Duis porttitor in dui in efficitur. Aenean sagittis ligula metus, eget vestibulum mauris fermentum non. Cras in arcu odio.

Sed molestie nunc sapien, tempor consequat lectus ultrices eu. Mauris auctor, metus sit amet blandit aliquam, magna felis aliquam dui, ut iaculis lectus felis in leo. Praesent vulputate, purus at efficitur accumsan, dolor erat tristique nisi, ac iaculis est sem sit amet ex. Phasellus eleifend enim vel purus cursus, a fermentum ipsum laoreet. Aliquam aliquam commodo nunc vitae porttitor. Proin pellentesque posuere arcu sed consequat. Quisque congue ligula id ligula lacinia, a sollicitudin augue feugiat. Phasellus pulvinar nisl vitae euismod accumsan. Vestibulum ullamcorper sem eu erat suscipit ultrices.

Ut elementum est sit amet magna viverra euismod. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Donec nisl nisi, pulvinar vel tincidunt ac, viverra et tortor. Pellentesque lacinia quis justo eu pulvinar. Aenean condimentum magna at eros dignissim commodo. Nunc quis finibus augue. Aliquam erat volutpat. Fusce lectus leo, laoreet a auctor vitae, accumsan non sem. Praesent rutrum, arcu in scelerisque suscipit, leo nunc accumsan mi, eget accumsan nisi dolor vitae nibh. Etiam et ligula tortor. Etiam eu faucibus erat, eget molestie ex. Phasellus vel massa vitae elit volutpat convallis. Maecenas est nisi, finibus sed finibus a, bibendum at neque. Aliquam laoreet faucibus mauris vel faucibus.

Aliquam tempus nisl ligula, vel interdum diam finibus nec. Maecenas congue fermentum risus vitae iaculis. Aliquam at nibh hendrerit, lacinia massa feugiat, tristique ante. In id orci lobortis, placerat enim ut, dictum metus. Praesent dignissim quam in sem scelerisque malesuada. Nulla non lorem quis est accumsan auctor vitae a odio. Duis euismod aliquam risus nec dictum. Nulla ligula neque, fringilla sed efficitur vel, ornare at augue. Donec molestie commodo egestas. Ut sed tincidunt augue, blandit tempor diam. Vivamus lobortis augue sit amet dui blandit ultrices. Nam tempus, eros vehicula vehicula accumsan, lectus orci dapibus ex, id scelerisque tellus lorem non nibh.

Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Mauris vitae arcu diam. Cras consectetur lobortis erat ut pretium. Nulla consectetur tempor ullamcorper. Aliquam quis condimentum velit. Pellentesque vel facilisis nunc, nec faucibus leo. Proin in tortor sodales elit porttitor ultrices. Mauris at facilisis ipsum. Phasellus luctus eros a lorem convallis, eu ultricies eros bibendum. Vestibulum at volutpat orci. Ut mollis, lorem id volutpat tincidunt, nisi libero pharetra lacus, id viverra neque augue ac justo. Sed facilisis in arcu id vestibulum.

Aliquam tempor vestibulum justo vitae placerat. Vivamus nisl purus, eleifend vitae aliquet maximus, hendrerit ac turpis. Morbi enim nisl, malesuada eget ipsum sed, bibendum dapibus lorem. Vivamus vel turpis sit amet purus tincidunt posuere sed quis tortor. Etiam at nunc tempus, pellentesque elit quis, consequat eros. Vestibulum ac velit faucibus, iaculis nunc eget, bibendum purus. Duis cursus vel justo vitae finibus. Phasellus cursus enim sed nisi placerat, et bibendum elit pretium. Duis venenatis, diam id feugiat blandit, magna urna cursus enim, sollicitudin rutrum erat risus non purus. Aenean fermentum sed enim eu pellentesque. Nulla pharetra lorem vitae sollicitudin rutrum. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Maecenas fringilla, massa ac vestibulum rutrum, mi erat iaculis nunc, non interdum augue neque et orci.

Mauris quis augue sit amet tellus porta venenatis. Suspendisse arcu purus, sagittis id egestas at, luctus sed urna. Sed suscipit efficitur odio, quis consequat libero pretium sed. Sed tincidunt orci et commodo feugiat. Morbi ullamcorper libero in suscipit faucibus. Integer velit mauris, fermentum vel consequat at, venenatis quis sem. Integer dictum congue imperdiet.

Vivamus tempor dui eu sodales feugiat. Nunc sodales sagittis lorem, ut tincidunt ex mattis eget. Proin tempus mi urna, quis pulvinar urna eleifend sed. Quisque ultricies nibh ac elit.


	17. Colorblind and Real Blind

Theodore has been blind as long as he can remember. He was born blind, which was not a surprising thing. In society, a portion of the population was blind, and another portion only saw the world in black and white. Once a person found their soulmate, their blindness would be lifted. This would either be slightly jarring in the sake of color blindness, or absolutely terrifyingly startling in the case of total blindness. Theodore had wished many times he were just someone who saw the world in black and white, but he wasn’t so lucky when he was born. But… being blind wasn’t all bad. He was guided around on streets, had a seeing eye dog, wore the cool shades everywhere. People would help him, smile at him even though he couldn’t see it, greet him nicely. They’d guide him to his seat and help direct his attention in the right direction. Warn him about ledges, handles, anything that might trip him up. It was nice to have people to look out for him. He had gotten used to everyday life while being blind. 

He stood at a crosswalk, finding where it was based on the bumps on the sidewalk. He waited patiently for the signal to change, for him to be able to walk. He hears cars slow to a stop, and the chirp of the crosswalk. Theodore starts to cross the street, his cane in front of him. He was just running to the store so he’d left Gnocchi--his seeing eye dog--at home. However, Theodore was jarred when he heard the sounds of honking fast approaching. Some people yelling, “What the hell are you doing, buddy?!”

He feels someone grab him and pull him back. He stumbles and falls into the sidewalk, right onto the truncated bubble tiles that he used to see. What had happened? The signal had changed…

Whoever had grabbed him took him gently by the arm, helping him up. A baritone voice, smooth and gentle, “Sorry for pulling you like that. You walked into the crosswalk of a light that just changed.”

“O-Oh,” Theodore says, the surprise evident on his face.

“Don’t worry. Doesn’t look like you’re hurt… right?”

“I’m fine,” Theodore says. “Um….” He reached a hand out, wanting to shake the stranger’s hand who’d saved his life. But since he couldn’t see, he had no idea how close or far the stranger was, or even if his hand was anywhere near the stranger’s.

“It’s okay. My name’s Jackson.” He feels the stranger’s opposite hand, warm and soft, guide Theodore’s hand to his own, before squeezing it politely and shaking it. “And you are?”

“Theodore.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Jackson was polite. Something he could appreciate.

Theodore and Jackson continued to meet up for awhile, hanging out and becoming friends. They got closer and closer. Theodore learned that Jackson was colorblind, not real blind. Theodore told him, dumbly, that he was real blind, not colorblind. Jackson laughed, which eased his tensions of being scared about saying something stupid. Theodore and Jackson became close. They sit in Jackson’s apartment, watching and listening to a movie on TV.

Jackson speaks after awhile, “I can’t wait for the day I can actually see this movie in full color. I wonder what colors look like.”

Theodore nods, “I can’t wait to see the movie rather than just listening to it.”

Jackson giggles. Theodore suddenly gets an idea and smiles but then his face falls.

“...What?” Jackson says. He knows too well what Theodore’s habits and patterns were like.

“Um… it’s stupid.”

“Nothing you could say is stupid, Theodore,” Jackson says. “Now spit it out.”

“Um…” Theodore says slowly, his cheeks flushed and his face nervous. “Something that I did with my family and a few of my other friends is that… um, to sort of get a picture of what they looked like, I’d um… touch their face and their hair. To sort of make the picture in my head by touch.”

Jackson nods and smiles, “Yeah?”

“And um… I figured since we’ve been friends for four or five months now… maybe I could…?”

Jackson nods again. “Of course. Tell me what to do.”

Theodore holds out his hands, “Um… if you could guide my hands to your face, then I can take it from there.”

“Got it.” Jackson takes Theodore’s hands carefully in his, pulling them a bit closer and pressing Theodore’s palms against his cheeks. “Your hands are on my cheeks now.” Theodore giggles, his fingers moving slowly across Jackson’s face. His fingers trace gently over his cheekbones, mapping the lines of his face and touching his eyes.

“Oh! These are… different…” Theodore says. “Can you open your eyes, or are you scared I’ll poke you?”

“I don’t think you’d poke me. Just be careful.” He opens his eyes. “Go for it.”

Theodore touches them, the curve of his eyes and the shape of them. “This is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before… They’re different from my family and friends.”

Jackson smiles at the bluntness of it. “Well, um, Theo, that’s because my parents are both Korean.”

Theodore’s face turns pink, “Oh, gosh. I’m sorry.” Sorry to say something so unintentionally offensive.

“Don’t be! You didn’t know.” Jackson laughs. “It’s okay.”

Theodore keeps touching, following his eyebrows, his temples, finding his forehead and his chin and jaw. He works his way to Jackson’s lips, touching them for a long time. His fingers are gentle and soft against his skin, as he maps out the shape of his lips. His hands move down back to his jaw, following the line of his jaw to Jackson’s ears. He feels the variety of metals in Jackson’s ear. A set of hoops, and another stud in one of the ears. 

“You have your ears pierced,” Theodore says.

“Yep,” Jackson replies with a laugh. “The hoops were a gift when I was a kid, and the extra stud was just because I could.”

Theodore nods, more focused on feeling the shape of Jackson’s ears, the way that they curved. Theodore continues on touching Jackson, feeling his hair. It was soft, shaved shorter at the back but fluffier and longer at the top. Theodore smiles, “Your hair is really soft. Do you style it at all?”

“Nah. It just kinda does its own thing. I wear hats a lot, but today I didn’t. Lucky chance.” Jackson’s smiling and Theodore can feel it on his cheeks. “Can you feel that?” Jackson asks.

“Yeah,” Theodore replies. Jackson had a big smile. Bright and happy. “Do you smile with your teeth?”

“Yeah,” Jackson answers. “It would look weird on me if I didn’t.”

“You think so?” Theodore asks.

“Do you not think so?”

“I don’t know, Jackson. I can’t see.”

Jackson is torn between laughing and apologizing. He chuckles nervously, “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I was teasing.”

Jackson smiles again.

“You smile a lot.”

“Yeah.”

They fall into silence and Theodore’s hands fall slowly away from Jackson’s face. Theodore thanks him quietly for letting him do that. They watch the rest of the movie, and Jackson helps Theodore get home. They weren’t mad at each other, nothing was awkward or had changed. They just were nervous. This was something new. Something they’d never done before in their time of being friends, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. But again. Just something new.

Over the next few days, Theodore’s able to assemble what Jackson looks like in his mind using the references he had. It was easier because he had time to himself to figure it out. It was over lunch that things really changed. They sat down together, across the table from one another, at a mexican restaurant up the street from Theodore’s house. They both ordered, Jackson having been with Theodore enough times to have instinctively asked for a braille menu for him. As they sit there, Theodore reaches for his drink and Jackson absently guides Theodore’s hand to his cup as he’s telling a story. As if it were habit. Second nature.

Jackson thought that Theodore was special and different. Important. Someone to know. Something worth treasuring. He realized as they’re sitting there eating tacos that those are the same things his father used to describe his mother. Theodore must be… his soulmate.

Theodore sits there in the silence and then hears Jackson sputter into his drink. “What’s wrong?”

“I just--uh, nothing.”

“Spill.”

“It’s nothing. Really.”

Theodore frowns, “You can’t hide stuff from me.”

Jackson sighs. “I don’t want to say because I don’t want to make something happen. It needs time. I need time. Okay?”

Theodore’s so confused by the way he said this that he agrees to give Jackson time. But Theodore was thinking himself. Jackson guides Theodore to a lot of things. His fork, the edges of his hot plate, the knife, anything else. Warns him about the edges of tables, steps and stairs. Tries to be there and help him. Theodore started to realize pretty early on that Jackson was different from everyone else. Theodore knew that. He wondered if Jackson thought that he was something different too… He didn’t want this to be so one sided. Maybe Jackson was… Theodore’s soulmate.

All at once, the darkness over Theodore’s eyes is gone. He can see Jackson, the world around him in bright technicolor. He blinks rapidly. “Wh-what?”

Jackson is just as wide eyed. “Theo…”

“Jackson…” The only thing he can think to say.

“I can see colors.”

“I can  _ see _ .”

“You’re my soulmate,” they both say together, and Theodore can’t help but cry as Jackson takes his hand and squeezes it. 


	18. Fire Escape

Jackson leaned back on the couch, sighing out as he mashed ‘A’ to go through the dialogue he’d already seen eighteen times that morning. If he could beat this boss, he could finally get the last achievement and be done with this stupid game. Curse his dumb bets with himself. Finally, he saw the ugly face of the boss and muttered, “Alright, you son of a gun, let’s fucking tango.” He smashed the buttons, alternating between shooting and rolling, dodging and throwing, and chucking and chucking grenades. Jackson glanced up at the top right to see that the boss had only 23% health left. “A few more shots and you’ll be dead, loser.” He chucked another grenade, and glanced up. 19%. Fuck. Jackson kept smashing the right trigger, hoping like hell it would kill the boss. A loud bell rang and the sprinklers came on. A voice came through the walkie-talkie situated in the far corner of his apartment, “Mr. Lockhart, another fire. We need you to help get out the folks over in the leftmost halls.”

He sighed, getting up, and rushing to get the walkie-talkie, “On it. Thanks, Jones.”

Then, he walked out, calling calmly but loudly, “Alright folks, c’mon this way, towards the stairs. Don’t use the elevators, and proceed down to the lobby and out of the building in an orderly fashion. Try to go quickly folks, please.”

The people flooded out, a baby crying and a woman with blonde hair holding tight to a curly-haired man’s hand. He heard the woman say, “Calm down, Kevin, it’s fine.”

The man—presumably Kevin—replied, “Lane, you know I hate how we have these stupid fire alarms literally every other day. Do you think someone’s lint-trap caught on fire?”

“That hasn’t happened in months. It’s probably the one guy in 13D.” The man laughed and walked quickly, pulling the woman now.

He watched more people stream out; since he was a fire volunteer, he had to wait for everyone else to get off the floor before him. He caught the eyes of a tattooed blonde and smiled at her.

She smiled back, blue eyes twinkling as she followed the crowd.

Jackson took note of more. There was a man with bright green eyes who seemed to be fond of talking and a sweet faced brunette woman clutching to his arm. Another man with a curly, wiry beard and a kind face, with his wife. Jackson remembered them getting married a few months ago—especially since he’d heard the ‘honeymoon.’

He glanced at a taller man with blue eyes and a stubbly beard, and a smaller, shorter female holding tight to his hand. Her brown eyes were filled with tears as she spoke, “Ch-Charlie, I’m scared.”

The man nodded and cooed, “It’s okay. Lily. You’re good. We’ll make it out and it’ll be over. Don’t worry.” She kept crying, thankfully without noise, and the man held her hand tighter and his gaze pulled from up ahead back down to the woman holding onto him. “You believe me, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah.” The man smiled and kissed the top of her head, and the she spoke more, “Do you think it was Theodore again?”

“Probably,” Jackson overheard, finding himself walking after them since they were the last on the floor. “He probably burnt toast again.”

“I d-don’t think toast causes house fires.”

“Mmm,” the man said. “You’re so smart.” She flushed. “Maybe he tried to make dinner. Weren’t you going to go over there for a bit to say hi?”

“Sh-shit. I shouldn’t have asked-d him to hang out with me. Or I s-should have made dinner.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” the man said.

Jackson tuned their conversation out, and turned to the walkie-talkie in his hand, “Alright, floor three’s clear, Jones. What about you?”

“I’ve got four. It was the guy in 13D again. He burnt some shit and caused a fire.”

“Sorry, man.”

“Everywhere else clear too? We safe to exit?”

“Yep. Dean got the second and Jesse got the first. We’re all clear, safe to head out.”

Jackson ushered the groups along, silently pleading the tall man and his (slightly annoyingly so) crying girlfriend-fiancée-whatever to move faster out the doors. The two branched off to go find someone, and Jackson looked to see a portion of the building on fire. The firefighters were setting up to hose it down, and Jackson gathered everyone together while Dean began calling names to see if everyone was there.

Roll call passed and everyone was there. It was clear that they were now just supposed to wait for the firefighters to say it was safe to go back inside. Some of them went inside to check on the internal fire and see that it was out. Jackson just leaned back and waited for them to be told they could go inside.

~*~

A few months later another fire alarm went off. Two weeks after that, another did. Soon enough they were happening every other week. Jackson ended up handing off his fire volunteer duties to the curly haired man a few doors down, named Kevin, because he was so exhausted from doing them himself.

Jackson still hadn’t gone back to beat that boss, simply because he didn’t want to fuck around with it until either a) the guy in 13D got his shit together and stopped cooking or b) he moved out completely.

Neither happened.

~*~

Jackson eventually was sent to talk to the person in 13D, to ask them what their issue was or why they were so impossibly incompetent at cooking. The fire alarm going off every night was starting to make people mad and Jackson was tired of it himself. It made it near impossible for him to get any sleep. So he knocks on the door.

No one answers.

“Hello? Anyone home?”

No one replies.

“Listen, I just want to talk.”

A very soft voice replies, “Who’s there?”

“It’s the guy from 8C. I just want to talk to you, man.”

The door opened, and Jackson wasn’t expecting such a soft, sweet looking boy to be in front of him. He had a soft face, freckles all over his cheeks, dark inky hair. His eyes were kind and tender. He looked terrified though. “Wh-What do you want?”

“Um, I wanted to talk about why you keep accidentally almost burning the apartment complex down, is all.”

“I-I… That’s not me.”

“Then who else lives in this apartment with you?”

“M-My cat,” the guy says.

“Your… cat?”

“Yes,” he says. As if on cue, the cat meows and slinks its way towards the door. The cat was white with a big splotch on its face and another on its back in the shape of a heart. The cat moves closer, nuzzling against Jackson’s legs. “Wow… Nora doesn’t usually like people. Especially strangers. You’re a rare occurrence.”

“I’m Jackson,” he says, introducing himself.

The guy from 13D smiles, “Theodore.”

“Uh… so how does your cat cause these fires?”

Theodore instead steps aside, “In a second. Come in, please. It’s rude to have a new friend just standing in the hall.”

New… friend? Were they friends now? Jackson steps inside Theodore’s apartment, sitting down on the couch after Theodore had invited him to. Nora jumps onto the couch and sits in his lap. “Wow… she does like you. Huh.”

“About the… the fires.”

“Oh, right. That. Uh, sometimes Nora likes to take bits of the newspaper and shove them in the toaster. And I don’t really realize that she does it and she’ll push at the toaster plunger until the toaster goes down and then next thing you know I’ve got paper burning in my kitchen and the fire alarms go off because the smoke detectors also notice that I’ve got a fire and--”

“I got it,” Jackson says. “You ramble a lot.”

“Only when I’m nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?”

“It’s not every day that a nice attractive guy comes to my apartment and my cat falls in love with him at first sight.”

Jackson, feeling bold, says, “…Are you sure it’s not just the cat who feels that way?”

Theodore blushes, “Would it be bad if I felt that way too?”

“No,” Jackson says.

Theodore seems relieved. But Jackson wasn’t done speaking. He smiles, “I kinda feel that way too. Maybe we’ll hit it off. If your cat likes me so much, there’s definitely a chance. Y’know, cats have always been symbols of higher knowledge and wisdom.”

“Really?” Theodore asks. “Maybe Nora knows more about you than I do.”

“She probably already has detected my blood type, parent’s names, street address, and social security number,” he jokes.

Theodore laughs and it’s beautiful and sweet and melodic, “Probably. She’s pretty clever. Just the other day she figured out how to push the button on the bowl for her feeder so she can get food. So she’s been being a fat cat.”

Jackson chuckles, “Well I hope you figure out a way to limit her diet. We don’t want the pretty lady getting fat, do we?”

Theodore grins, glancing at the clock on his wall. “Oh… I have to go to work in like, fifteen.”

“Yeah? I probably should get back to my apartment too.”

“It was nice speaking with you, Jackson,” Theodore says. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, absolutely. I’m just a floor down. 8C.”

“8C. Got it.”

Jackson stands to leave, and feels Nora headbutt him one last time as Theodore waves goodbye with a soft smile on his face. As he heads down the stairs back to his apartment in 8C, he can’t help but smile. Granted, he didn’t actually tell Theodore to stop trying to burn down the apartment complex, but maybe now that they knew each other, they could at least stand together and chat while they waited for the fire department to get there. And that was enough.


	19. Professionals Do Not Cry

Each new time Jackson was praised for yet another beautiful pirouette, a graceful arabesque, a fantastic plié to a grande jeté following with a tour en l’air, it was like salt to a wound. Each time he was praised for being a talented, amazing danseur, it stung like a thousand papercuts soaked in vinegar. 

Theodore couldn’t help but feel that rage. He’d worked harder, so much harder, done hours of practice and done a fair amount of solo dances in larger pieces. It felt almost like Jackson had had his praise handed to him. In a way, he did.

After all, the moment Jackson’s sister had brought him in, all he got was praise for his “gift.”

Theodore didn’t want to think he was bitter, but it was hard not to be. Gifts were something to be praised, sure, but ignoring the hard-earned talent and work of everyone else seemed hardly fair. And somehow, even though the death glares and repeated daggers Theodore stared at Jackson were ever-present, Jackson still wanted to help him. 

Jackson tried to teach him how to do a pirouette on pointe, first by telling him that he was tying his pointe shoes wrong. As if. What did he know? That was how he had been taught since he was young.

Jackson tried to teach him how to make his turn-outs a sharper ninety-degree angle, because Theodore’s looked “more seventy-five than ninety.” But his heels could not be any tighter together. His toes could not open wider and point any more directly towards the outer walls of the room unless they ached.

Jackson tried to teach Theodore how to get more height on his plié to a grande jeté, putting more force into the bending and extension of his knees in the plié so that the height would increase in the jeté. Jackson seemed to think that his knees could bend lower, and that he was not already putting enough force into his jump.

But all of Jackson’s unwanted advice was useless when he still got the praise. “Good job, Jackson!” “Beautiful progression, Jackson!” “Fantastic soutenu turn, Jackson!” “Well done, Jackson!”

Theodore watched him step once, twice, three times in balancé before moving to leap in another grande jeté, pushing his legs outwards in a beautiful, even, straight split and landing flatly back in fourth position, toes pointed in opposite directions practically horizontally towards the walls.

After all of this, more praise. More compliments on his fantastic, completely horizontal splits—something damn impossible for a male dancer to execute—and his flawless landing. 

But then, Jackson decides to grind Theodore’s gears further. Does he do it on purpose?

“Hey, could you help me put my hair up in a bun? It keeps getting in my face.”

How dare he. How dare he!

Theodore blurts out some irritated rebuttal before walking out, tears stinging his face as the mantra of  _ Ballerinas do not cry, professionals do not cry, ballerinas do not cry, professionals do not cry  _ repeats over and over in his head like a broken record reminding him of yet another failure in his dancing career.

Theodore slides into his car, and cries into the steering wheel. How was any of this fair?

Minutes pass, but they feel like hours. A knuckle knocks on his window, and of course, it’s Jackson, sunny smile dimmed, dark eyes ebbing with concern, and unruly blonde kept somewhat tame in a thin, tiny bun at the top back of his head.

What did Jackson know?

He gestured for Theodore to roll down her window.

Theodore complied, though for what reason, he did not know.

“Are you okay?”

Like Jackson had any right to ask.

“You’re really good, you know that? I admire you and your—“ Jackson starts, but Theodore has none of it.

“Don’t.” Theodore rolls up the window in his face, and he watches Jackson’s lips move but no sound comes through the Plexiglas. Jackson’s face looks like someone had just kicked his dog, told him he was worthless.

Maybe now he’d know how Theodore felt.

Starting his car, Theodore pulled away and drove home.

~*~

The next day, Jackson was there, hair this time already pulled up into a tight little bun, but the wisps of hair had started to come out. Working still on his adagio dance with one of the instructors. Talking with another who was going to be is partner for the grand adage. 

Of course Jackson did not ask Theodore to dance with him. Why would he? Theodore was untalented, not worth the praise. It would makes sense if Jackson picked a pretty blonde whose fouettés were always praised for being very tight and concise. In dancing, it had to be perfect. Obviously, the girl had to be tiny, perfect for lifts during the grande adage. Jackson would be able to lift the girl, hold her by the waist and twirl her around while she scissored her legs, split them into beautiful even splits, and then do a beautiful turn out. 

Theodore went to one of the instructors and spoke, “I’d like to let you know I’m quitting.”

“Why? You’re so talented!”

“I don’t think I’m talented enough for this field, or this studio.”

Jackson had overheard and almost ran over. “Why would you quit? You’re amazing! I’ve seen you dance since you were five. You’ve been fantastic ever since then.” The sunny, sincere smile on his face almost made Theodore want to agree, believe him, trust him.

But Theodore shook his head. “I’m quitting because I need to. This passion is not something I can pursue.”

“You’d get plenty of jobs. You’ve got the skill for it,” he insisted.

Finally, Theodore realized Jackson wouldn’t leave it alone unless he was honest.

“I’m quitting because of you.”

Theodore knew it was overdramatic, knew he was being overdramatic by his next choice, but he turned on his heels and exited the studio, leaving Jackson and his black tights, his white shirt, his beautiful expensive pointe shoes behind. Leaving him and those big, questioning dark eyes behind.

Theodore didn’t realize he was running until he heard the slapping of feet behind him. The slap of pointe shoes against concrete, something Theodore had learned to be attuned to and scold. “It’s bad for your shoes to run or walk on concrete with them,” he blurts.

It was Jackson’s voice who replied. “I know. But you’re more important than these shoes.”

“Why? You’ve got everything you need back there. You’ve got a dance studio held right under your thumb, all the dancers admire you, the teachers praise you. You’re already set for a scholarship at one of the best dance academies in the country. Isn’t that enough? What more do you want to take from me?” He couldn’t help blurting that on accident.

“…Take from you?”

“You showed up later than me, and you’ve gotten twice as much love and praise as I have. Everyone in the studio adores you. Everyone wants you to be their partner for dancing. I’m nothing. You’ve got everything I could ever want.”

“Theodore…” Jackson says slowly. “I… I didn’t mean to take those things from you. If it’s any consolation, I think that your dancing is fantastic. You actually inspire me a lot when you dance. You’re diligent and hard working, and I’ve never seen someone practice so much. I know you stay for hours after classes are over so you can perfect your dances and your moves. I think you’re… amazing, Theodore.”

“What do you know?”

“I know that stuff’s true, Theodore. I’ve seen you dance for over a year and a half. I know that you’ve almost won gold in nearly every competition. I know how hard you work for this, and I know how much pride every teacher you’ve had has for you. Everyone seems to believe in you and is so proud of you except yourself. You deserve to be proud of yourself and be happy. You are such a talented, amazing dancer, Theodore.”

Theodore frowns, “Why are you saying these things?”

Jackson sighs quietly. Was he nervous? “Do you want the truth?”

“You make it sound like the truth is bad.”

“...It’s not bad. I just asked if you wanted me to tell you. If you wanted to hear it.”

“Tell me the truth,” Theodore says quietly. What could he say that was worse than any of the other stuff?

“I say those kinds of things not only because they’re true, but because I think I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time. That’s why I always compliment you when we dance, that’s why I tried to give you pointers. I wanted to get close to you, and I wanted to make you feel good.”

Theodore frowns. “But you’re still going to pick Arielle as your dance partner.”

“I barely know Arielle. And, if I’m honest, while she can do fantastic fouettés, she can’t do much of anything else as fantastic. If I wanted to win, and if I wanted to pick a partner who has a lot of skill and talent, the obvious choice is you, Theodore.”

“Y-You want me to dance with you in the showcase? For your grande adage?” Theodore asks, his voice full of surprise. He was flabbergasted.

“Yes. I want you to be my partner. Besides that, it will be interesting to the judges to have two male front performers rather than a male and a female.”

Theodore nods

“I really think this could work if you’ll agree to be my partner for the grande adage.”

Theodore nods again, “I will.”

The next few months, they practice hard. They make the grande adage as amazing as they possibly can. Lifts, scissored legs, beautiful turns and graceful leaps. The music was intense, well timed, the words were beautiful but not distracting. Theodore and Jackson made that dance everything they needed it to be and more. They owned that song. Every single part of that dance was perfect. They performed hard in front of the judges, trying their best to impress them. They knew that everything was going well. They watched as the other dancers perform them made careless mistakes. Twisting legs, bending knees during leaps, arms not extended properly. Rookie mistakes, nervous mistakes, accidents. It was all going to work out.

“The winners of the silver in the 2016 All Dance New York competition is… Le Dernier Debout Studio!”

That wasn’t them. That means they either got third or first.

“And the moment you all have been waiting for. The first place, gold medal of the 2016 All Dance New York competition goes to… Jackson Lockhart, dancing with partner Theodore Valentine of Beauté Dans La Simplicité Studio!”

Theodore turns to Jackson who grins and is awarded the medal. He takes it from his own neck and puts it around Theodore’s. “I’m lucky,” Jackson says, taking the microphone from the emcee to give his deserved speech. “But Theodore deserves the praise far more than me. He’s an excellent dancer, and I’m a very lucky partner of his. Thank you very much.” Theodore starts crying at Jackson’s kind words, and at the fact that they had just won gold.  _ Gold _ . Theodore thinks to himself,  _ Maybe professionals do cry. Maybe ballerinas do cry. _ He hands the microphone back to the emcee and takes Theodore’s hand, guiding him off the stage. As they’re driving home together in the back of the dance van, Jackson still doesn’t let go of Theodore’s hand.

Theodore doesn’t mind.


	20. High School Sweethearts

Jackson Lockhart never fell in love. Ever. The thought of it freaked him out, for one, and it just didn’t seem right to him, for another. After all, being in love meant commitment and promises, two things he was particularly awkward at (amongst the other additions to his socially awkward behaviors). Secondly, it wasn't as though he were asexual or a chronic masturbator, it was just that he didn’t know what to say to guys.

Of course, these feelings changed for poor Jackson Lockhart when he met a boy. Or, rather, when a boy met him. This boy, he didn’t know his name, but this boy was interesting. The boy liked to make jokes, had bright, knowing eyes, and seemed to be able to read his mind but still be utterly confused by the message that laid there. This boy loved bands and music, and this boy happened to be best friends with a girl he was awkward half-friends with. That was his chance.

After weeks of just looking at the boy while the boy looked in his locker, Jackson finally decided he needed information. He asked his aforementioned awkward half-friend, Lindsay, about this guy that was infecting his brain like the best possible cold that lets you take a day off.

Lindsay replied, "Oh, Theodore?"  _ Theodore! That's his name. I like that name,  _ Jackson thought. "Yeah! He’s really nice. I guess he’s likes bands a lot, but he’s also really likes art and he thinks musicians are interesting."

"Why?" Jackson asked, while making a mental note that he likes singers, because he was just that.

"Theodore just thinks they're cool because it takes forever to learn. And guitar music sounds cool." Jackson just nodded a reply, and Lindsay decided to say goodbye to talk to a few other friends. During all of his classes, Jackson did not volunteer. Jackson didn’t say a word. All Jackson did was think of him, of Theodore.

Theodore told Lindsay, after a few months, that he thought a certain guy was cute.

Lindsay nodded, "That's Jackson Lockhart."

"Really?" he replied, "I’ve heard people say nice things about him."

"Yeah," Lindsay says with a shrug, "He's a really nice guy, but he's sort of awkward."

Theodore nodded in assent, "That's okay. I am too. We could be awkward together."

Lindsay nods and grins, but she doesn't tell Theodore about how Jackson had asked about him a few weeks before.

Theodore found himself laying up, night after night, thinking of Jackson. He found himself wondering if Jackson felt the same way. The saddest part was that he didn’t know Jackson was doing the same things about him.

The year progressed on and on, and both of them were being driven mad with the other. Lindsay found herself being the middle-man between the two, trying to get them to talk and to eventually just do something, because doing nothing won't make them date. She would relay messages for the two, subliminally of course, and would avoid, at all costs, letting her two friends give up hope.

Theodore, being occasionally clumsy, tripped during lunch and went face first into the floor. The room fell silent and a few people chuckled, but most everyone else just gawked and stared. Theodore let in a breath, then let it out as Lindsay stood politely, waiting for Theodore to compose himself. She knew that Theodore needed to take his time.

Jackson Lockhart, however, did not know this. He somehow got a strong sense of courage, and needed to help somehow. Despite Lindsay’s protests to not get involved, Jackson reached down and grabbed Theodore’s hands to help him up. Weirdly enough, he didn’t argue or yell.

Theodore let him help. A spark jumped between their clasped hands, and Jackson dropped Theodore’s quickly, for fear of freaking him out.

"Thanks, J-Jackson," Theodore said, and damn his stutter. Theodore smiled at Jackson, and he grinned back.

"You're welcome, Theodore."

After school that day, Jackson felt a reckless sort of rush. He talked to Theodore without stumbling. Theodore didn’t seem uncomfortable. Everything was going well. Everything felt good.

This time, Theodore was at his locker unaccompanied, since Lindsay had to go home early. Jackson Lockhart's reckless adrenaline decided to step in, with the rest of his brain in tow.

"Hey, Theodore!"

"Hi, Jackson. Thanks for helping me today."

"No problem-o," he said, then kicked himself mentally for it.  _ Problem-o? Really Jackson?! _ "I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something," Jackson said.

Theodore’s mind raced.  _ Oh shit. What is he going to say? Did I mess up? Did he mess up? What's going on? _ "Okay." His voice came out awfully calm in comparison to how his heart was racing and he was absolutely terrified.

"It's, um... I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. I like you. A lot. I think you're really cool and you're really awesome and...just--oh fuck it," and, in a blink, Jackson’s lips were on his. Despite the fact that he was significantly shorter than Jackson, Theodore only had to tip on his toes a little. Theodore was shocked, of course, but this is mostly what Theodore had been hoping for.

Jackson pulled away and put on a lopsided grin instead, "So what do you say?"

"I say I agree," Theodore says, amazed by his honesty. "If you want to take me out some time, text me the details. But, I gotta go. See ya around, Jackson." Against everything Theodore would have done, he kissed Jackson’s cheek on the way out.

Jackson looked shyly at the floor, then pumped his fist into the sky as a sign of victory, "Yes!"

Things have been different around school since Theodore and Jackson started dating. For one, Theodore felt a lot happier. For two, Jackson was opening up more, and was helping Theodore do that too. And lastly, they were voted second cutest couple, after Meg Anders and Andrew Donnelly. Things were shaping up for the two, and it was a good thing. A very good thing.

It suddenly became crucially important to the both of them that, while they were actually dating, they did not really... act like a couple. People knew they were dating, yes, but she and him never really held hands or particularly followed the “I’m dating you” sort of general ideas. Jackson realized this first, and immediately wanted to do something about it. Leave it to awkward half-friend (and Jackson secretly owed his life to her for setting them up) Lindsay to help him out. Jackson sent a text: ‘Hey Lindsay. How does one... like... go about holding someone’s hand... or something?’

Lindsay texted back: ‘lol jackson, you dont have the knack for being in love do you? I dont either, but at least i’m much more aware than you.’

Jackson sighed at his phone before replying, ‘Shut up. Just tell me what I should do.’

‘i dont know what you should do. this is your life, man.’

‘Now is not the time to be the philosophical ‘Follow your dreams!’ friend. Now is the time for you to be the advice giving friend.’

‘fine. okay, what i would say you do is just go for it. i figure that if you both mutually like each other, which you do, then it should be fine. both of you are so awkward at this stuff, so its about time one of you initiates something.’

He replied wholeheartedly, actually genuinely excited to see if her idea would actually work, ‘Okay! I’ll try it, and let you know how it goes.’

Actually, Jackson ended up chickening out, and being limp when it came to trying that. Every time Lindsay passed him in the hall, she’d wiggle her eyebrows and mouth, “You got this!” But oh boy, Jackson didn’t have this at all. He had no idea what he was doing. How do you just... grab someone’s hand? Would they think you’re trying to murder them or something?  _ That would be my first instinct, _ he thought.

At lunch, he sat with Theodore the way he usually did, and noticed Theodore’s hand resting on the table as he talked across to Lindsay. Lindsay looked at Theodore’s hand for a second, then at Jackson, then wiggled her eyebrows again. Of course, Lindsay was the queen of surreptitious messages, so Theodore hadn’t noticed the eyebrow wiggles or Jackson’s uncomfortable staring at his hand.

Finally, he just did it. He reached up and grabbed Theodore’s hand and twined their fingers together and smiled at him. Theodore just smiled back and squeezed his hand. Lindsay grinned and winked at Jackson before getting up to throw away her trash.

Theodore spoke, “I’ve waited for you to do that for awhile, y‘know.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. I thought about trying to do it myself, but then I got embarrassed and didn’t. I’m glad you did though.”

“I’m glad I did too,” he responded, looking down at his bowl of soup and smiling, because he was. He thought he couldn’t do this. Maybe it’s easier than he thought. Maybe he could really do this. He could actually not be awkward for once in his life.

Jackson asked Theodore on a date again, before he left, and it was set for Saturday. When Saturday came around, Jackson went to pick him up. He had told Theodore to dress warmly, since they were going to be out all night. In Jackson’s car, Theodore asked where they were going, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down. “We’re going somewhere. It’s all in the element of surprise. By the way, you look super adorable,” Jackson said.

Theodore blushed, “Thank you. And, I never really pegged you to be one who enjoys the element of mystery.”

“I do,” he says. “I used to be obsessed with the Hardy Boys.”

Theodore snorted. “Dork.”

“Nerd,” he said back, before leaning over to kiss him. They kissed for a moment, then Jackson pulled away and started driving again. They arrived at a field, and Jackson threw a blanket out on the grass, before sitting and patting the spot next to him. Theodore sat next to him, and they cuddled close, watching the sunset and then the stars. They laid for hours, talking and kissing and cuddling close to each other. It felt like that was where they were supposed to be.

~*~

Today was one of those days where Theodore felt like shit. Complete, utter, total _ shit _ . He felt sick, and miserable, and frankly, a little sad, too. Theodore also didn’t feel like texting his friends, or even his boyfriend for that matter. Jackson had sent her a text asking if he wanted to go with him to the mall for a little while. Theodore had politely declined, saying he felt sick. That was only a partial lie.

Theodore curled up in bed as Olive, his beloved dog and trusted best friend for life, curled next to him. Theodore patted her head and looked out the window, watching clouds for what felt like ages. Theodore hadn’t heard the door open, but, the next thing he knew, he felt a warm body next to him. Theodore felt for a moment, and realized it was Jackson. He cuddled closer and Jackson intertwined their fingers, “I knew you were only partially sick.”

“How’d you know?”

“I know you really well, Theodore. We’ve been dating for months.”

“I know, but sometimes things don’t appear that obvious.”

“Yes, and it wasn’t obvious. It took me time to figure it out. It took me time to understand your anxieties and your depression and things like that. It’ll still take me time to understand it. It’ll be okay though, because I’m excited to understand, and know you better.”

“Thanks, Jackson. You always know what to say,” Theodore says quietly, squeezing his hand.

“I love you.” The words came out of Jackson’s mouth, and he was almost shocked he said them too. But Theodore’s heart skipped a beat, and he smiled and pressed a kiss to Jackson’s lips.

“I love you too.” Theodore cuddled closer to him, “Thanks for coming... to help me.”

“That’s all I want to do. I want to help you and make you happy,” he said. “I want to understand you and to make you feel okay again, however long that takes. I want you to wake up every morning knowing how loved you are, and go to sleep every night feeling calm and safe. I want you to smile again, and I want you to forget terrors you had in your past. I want you to feel the happiest you've ever felt, and I want you to always know how much you mean to me."

At the end of Jackson’s little speech, Theodore found himself crying. Not sad tears, but happy tears. The tears you get when someone says or does something so incredibly sweet that your heart swells and your eyes prickle with tears and you almost think you're going to die because they've just made your day/month/year/life.

"Shhhh," Jackson soothed, pulling Theodore close and wiping away the tears. He kissed his nose, then pressed a quick peck to his lips, and smiled. "You're okay. You're here with me, and everything is fine."

"I love you so much," Theodore says inbetween the huffs of her breath.

"I love you too, Jackson."

~*~

Jackson and Theodore had been living together for a few months now, and they could not have been happier. Ever since he'd proposed, it'd been even more blissful than high school was. They moved to Los Angeles, attended college there, and he proposed in front of the art museum.

They agreed on most everything, and rarely, if ever, argued. But one topic that always fueled controversy was a very important one: ice cream flavors. Ice cream is very important to a human's lifestyle, and a gross flavor just makes everyone sad.

Jackson preferred interesting flavors, like chocolate caramel swirl and caramel turtle flavored, but Theodore was all for the classic flavors like vanilla and chocolate. One day on a grocery run, they went to the ice cream aisle, and Lydia pulled out a carton of Oreo cookie ice cream. Theodore groaned, "Noooope, we are not getting Oreo ice cream. We are getting plain old Rocky Road."

"But Rocky Road is the worst possible flavor. If you're going to subject me to boring flavors, at least do something like cookie dough or brownie bits."

"Those are just flavors you like!" Theodore angrily said back.

Jackson sighed, "At least I know you actually like those flavors!" This stopped Theodore in his tracks, because it was very true. He did like those flavors when it came to Jackson’s preference for ice cream.

"Touché," Theodore said in response, giving in and letting Jackson grab the brownie bit ice cream instead.

 


	21. The Fantasy Life of Jay Gatsby

The parties of Jay Gatsby were quite possibly the biggest thing to happen in West and East Egg. Both areas would divulge into fistfights over who would be invited and who would not be invited. Theodore and Jackson lived quietly and comfortably without invitations to a Gatsby party. They both agreed they were overrated, and had an odd sense that Jay Gatsby was not who he puts himself off to be. The man was eccentric, to say the least. Theodore agreed with Jackson in the thought that they would never been invited to a Gatsby party. Gatsby parties were full of too much hype and too much let down.

Theodore checked the mail that morning, and wandered back in, placing the mail on the kitchen table where Jackson was reading a magazine and drinking his coffee. Theodore flipped through all the mail. A new magazine subscription, bill, bill, advertisement, coupon book, a dark navy envelope with gold ink, bill, adver-- Wait. 

What? 

Theodore pulls the envelope out and reads the label aloud.

_ Misters Theodore Valentine and Jackson Lockhart. _

_ 45 Evergreen Avenue,  _

_ West Egg, New York, New York. _

“What’s up? Jackson asks, glancing up from the article he was reading.

“We… got a letter.”

“Who from?”

He looks up at the top of the envelope to the sender’s address.

_ Mister Jay Gatsby. _

_ 15 Florissant Street, _

_ East Egg, New York, New York.  _

Theodore coughs and sputters, and Jackson stands quickly and places a hand on his lover’s back. Jackson’s then able to see the envelope, the beautiful gold calligraphy ink, the dark paper, and the pretty gold seal they hadn’t even explored yet on the back. And the sender’s name.

“Gatsby?” Jackson says. “What would he want from us?”

“I don’t know.”

Theodore drags a finger under the unsealed edge of the envelope’s flap, carefully tearing the seal away from the rest of the paper. They look at the seal before pulling out the letter. It was a gold seal, with a ‘G’ in the middle, and a ‘J’ overlaid over it. There were swirls and scribbles of filigree all around it. Beautiful, ornate, and shiny. Much like Gatsby himself. 

Theodore pulls out the letter, setting the envelope on the table as they read it together. 

_ Dearest Theodore and Jackson, _

_ I hope you both are doing well. It is my cordial pleasure to invite you to a party at my residence, whose address can be found via the return address on this letter. I would appreciate an RSVP staying whether or not you are coming, sent back within two days of receiving this letter. I hope you both can attend this party--after all, invitations such as these are one in a million. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Jay Gatsby. _

Theodore looks at Jackson now, who was frowning.

“Are we going to go?” Jackson asked.

“Why would we?”

“Because we were invited?” Jackson says. “I don’t know. Maybe a Gatsby party could be fun.”

“Jackson, listen to yourself! We both agreed Gatsby’s parties are stupid, and we both agreed we didn’t want to go to them.”

“But… It could be interesting. Just so we can affirm our suspicions that Gatsby parties aren’t all people make them out to be.”

“So we’re going just to confirm what we already know is true?”

“Exactly.”

So, with that decision final, Theodore writes back a letter to Gatsby saying that they will be attending. The neighbors were surprised, considering Theodore and Jackson talked about their disinterest in Jay Gatsby and his parties so much that they may as well have shirts with Gatsby’s name on them and a big red ‘x’ over it. Theodore straightened Jackson’s tie, and the two set out in their beat up white coupe to the address on the envelope. People were crowded on the horse shoe shaped drive, cars parked up and down the driveway and into the streets. The gates were flung wide open. The trees were kept neat, the yard trimmed and cut into a beautiful diamond pattern rarely seen outside of golf courses and deluxe resorts. All the lights were shining at full luminosity inside, fountains spilling into basins outside in front of the big, black doors, complete with pretty gold knockers. 

People didn’t really knock before they entered, though. They simply handed a man standing outside their jacket, and handed another man the keys to their vehicles. Valet service? Coat check? Where did Gatsby have the money for these services…? Theodore and Jackson are forced to park all the way a block over and walk to Gatsby’s house. It was a brisk fifteen minute walk, but they didn’t mind. Holding hands, they made their way up to the door, and a woman in red pushes past them to go inside. Theodore pockets his keys rather than giving them to the man at the door, and they open the doors and head inside. 

As soon as the two entered, they saw how lavish the setting was. It was beautiful, gold everywhere, a white marble staircase at the back in front of large, long, thin windows. Flowers on pedestals every few feet, more large windows, and beautiful marble floors. In the center of the room was a large mosaic of gold and navy tiles. 

The entire building itself felt like a monolithic castle. Everything was new, shiny, and gold when possible. Tapestries from all over the world lined the halls that they walked to get to the party room. The lights were elegant and huge fixtures with dangling strands of sparkling, shaped glass hung from them. The castle-like look… everything within it was so lavish, but Theodore and Jackson could never remember Gatsby having a job or making income.

Perhaps this was all an elaborate disguise. A falsified representation of himself. Theodore pulls Jackson into the main room, where people were sipping on champagne and dancing to the band. Everyone was smiling and laughing but Gatsby himself was nowhere to be seen. The world around them all felt so fabricated. Gatsby was building himself up on lies, on mixtures of false and true that contradicted themselves.

Gatsby himself was not great, even despite people saying so. His parties, his lifestyle, his house were great. But he himself was an ordinary man, hiding under the facade of beauty and riches, placing himself in a shroud of gold leaf wallpaper and imported paintings. Gatsby was… well, Gatsby was a fake. He wants so deeply to appear amazing and fantastic, but deep underneath that, Jay Gatsby was a broken, lonely man.

“Ah, you both must be Theodore Valentine and Jackson Lockhart, hm?”

Theodore is pulled from his thoughts to see Jackson smiling brightly and shaking the hand of Gatsby himself.

“Yes, that’s us,” Jackson says. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Gatsby.”

“Please, call me Jay.” Gatsby offered a four hundred watt smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Theodore saw right through it.

As they follow Gatsby up to the terrace, he was telling them about things as they passed by. “This painting is from Italy, and is one of the rarest. I’m very lucky to own it, don’t you think?”

Theodore frowns, and Jackson rolls his eyes. But they both put smiles on their faces when Gatsby turns back to them, holding the door open for them to enter the terrace. Looking out at the view, there was a beautiful lake, and on the opposite side was a very tiny green light, blinking but omnipresent. A few lights were on at the house which possessed that light, but they did not know who was there.

“Ah, I see you both are admiring the Buchanan household.”

“...Yes,” Theodore says. “We weren’t aware they were the family that lived there.”

“Yes. Tom and Daisy Buchanan live there with their young daughter. It is a really beautiful home. Georgian style with red brick. Fountains and hedges, all manicured perfectly.”

Theodore and Jackson both nod.

The green light flickers off with finality, shrouding the lake with darkness, the only light on it now was the face of the moon reflected on its surface. A sadness graces Gatsby’s face. Theodore notices but doesn’t say anything. His theory was true. Behind all the riches, Gatsby seemed miserable. A few women walk by, giggling and drunk, on their way back from the ladies’ room to the party once more. Music and laughing could be heard even all the way out here. Cars were honking, more people were arriving still. 

“It must be fun to throw parties such as these, Jay,” Jackson says.

“It’s enjoyable. It fills a part of my heart that can’t be filled.”

“...What do you mean by that?” Jackson asks cautiously.

“Ah… I would not want to bore you with the tragedies of my past.” Theodore and Jackson sit across from him on the terrace, and Gatsby looks at them sadly. “But it seems you both are insisting, hm?”

They both nod. They mostly just want to get more background information on Gatsby… to further judge the situation.

“Throwing these parties… it makes me feel alive again. Many many years ago, back when I was not Jay Gatsby but James Gatz, I fell for a girl. She was my everything… the light of my life. And now that I am older, now that she’s gone off to marry another man who doesn’t love her the way I do…” Gatsby’s hands clench together into fists as he sighs out an upset breath. “The only light I have from her is that green one from the dock across the lake. She doesn’t know how much that light means to me.”

Throwing the parties, the facade of grandiose living… they were to fill a loneliness in Gatsby’s heart. To make the woman, Daisy, across the lake jealous of the riches, regret marrying her husband. 

Gatsby continues talking for nearly two hours of his past, of his father and of fishing trips. Theodore and Jackson are too polite to go. They gather from this that Gatsby himself is more than just a richly poor man, more than a man hiding beneath a gold hat. Gatsby is sad. Gatsby is a combination of idealism and predatory love for Daisy. Gatsby is aggressive and sinister, bordering violent, threatening Daisy’s husband, but horribly, incredibly naive to believe that taking out Tom Buchanan would make Daisy love him. He has a tender heart for Daisy, and a tender sense of emotion, but it wouldn’t be enough to excuse predatory, aggressive, violent behavior. Among all the money, style, riches, was a vulgar, violent man who is tragic and almost hilariously comedic in his terribly naive and banal attempts to gain Daisy’s love. 

Theodore and Jackson excuse themselves after another hour at the party, away from Gatsby and trying to interact with others. The people, in their fanciest dresses and suits, sipping from gold-trimmed glasses of bubbling golden champagne--it was all false. A built up, falsified fantasy for Gatsby to live and pretend that the world would fall into his lap like a dream come true. Gatsby would have to face reality someday.

Theodore and Jackson, now at home, lay in bed, and agree to never go to another Gatsby party. Not only was the party itself uninteresting because they felt like they did not fit in, but Gatsby himself took such a liking to them that they knew if they kept coming, Gatsby would get attached. They decided to let Jay Gatsby get attached to another male figure--which he did and found in a man named Nick Carraway, according to the gossip of the neighborhood. They decided to never go back to a Gatsby party, because they didn’t want to expose themselves to that world; the world of a fantasy castle full of people with fake facades and false laughter, under the control of a monetarily rich man who was poor in sense and spirit. 


	22. The god, the universe, and the entity.

**** The universe was his business partner. The universe provided the trade, the ethics, the work labor, the individuals required to build the millions of ideas spawned in the brain of the god who conceived the very universe doing his bidding. Had it been intentional to create a universe entirely to do work and creation for him? No. The universe had been made because he was lonely. The god wanted a friend, and hoped to find it in the universe. Moreover, the god wanted a lover, and wanted the universe to cover him in the soft stars and gentle coldness that it held. But the universe worked too hard, was not interested in outside affairs such as this.

After creating millions of stars, planets, atmospheres, creatures, species, races, towns, countries, and everything else that was born from his brain, the god still felt lonely. The people on the planets were much too small for him to love, and he was much too large and omnipresent for them to love. The people of the planets would praise him, all under different names; God, Yahweh, Allah, The One, Sarsarghet, Forduntuanta… some others that were unpronounceable even to his skilled tongue. Their praises stoked the flame in his chest, but they could do nothing to help it.

So he set the universe to work, forming stars and dead planets together. He had a vivid image in his head. Beautiful, soft black brown hair. A smile so bright, welcoming, sure. Eyes that were gentle, similar to the eyes of the people he had placed in the countries of Taiwan, Korea, Singapore, Japan, China. A straight, simple nose. Despite how serious the face could seem, kindness and a soft feeling exuded from it. 

But more, the god focused on the personality. Created an entity with a pure heart, a kindness so deep it seemed stupid. The entity would love endlessly and in their own way, with almost wild recklessness. Love so unconditional, pure, kind. The entity would connect with every person on a deep, spiritual, passionate level. This entity had a whole heart to give, and would willingly offer it to anyone who asked.

Maybe this entity could learn to love the god who created it differently than the creatures on the planets who worshipped him. It was a wrong kind of love, not the love he needed. The god needed pure love, unconditional, wholehearted, wholesome love. Maybe this entity could provide that. Maybe this entity could give the god the love he needed, the love he’d longed for as he watched creatures on planets fall in love of their own accord.

The love was fabricated, but at least it would count. 

It took several eons. Dead stars, planets, all the most beautiful recycled things were put into creating this entity. Shaping the entity from the feet up. Only the softest, prettiest, brightest things went into this--old planets made of diamond cores, stardust of pink, light red, gold, light yellow, aqua, olive green, all the shades of blue the god could find, light purple, whites… every color that would bring the positivity that the god craved into this entity.

He put the light red for joy and passion, for sensitivity and love. He put the pink for love and friendship. He put gold for prestige, illumination, quality. Yellow for sunshine, joy, happiness, intellect. Aqua for emotional healing and protection. Olive green for peace. Blues of every kind--trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, trust, healing, tranquility, understanding, softness, knowledge, integrity, seriousness. Light purple for romanticism, nostalgia. White for innocence, purity, safety… The god wanted this entity to have nothing but good, pure, beautiful things.

And among all the eons, the god shaped the entity with his own hands and fingers. Though the universe brought the tools, the stardust and the planets, the materials, everything else--the god shaped the entity on his own. Fingers gently pressing against the entity’s cheeks and face, forming cheekbones, moving around lips to shape the soft curve of the bottom and the gentle Cupid’s bow of the top. Working to shape each of the folds of the ears, pressing metals from the planets who rained metal into the ears to form earrings. Shaping eyebrows, the nose exactly to the image. The god shaped the entity’s torso, fit and muscled but soft enough to be endearing and nonthreatening. The god shaped every tooth in the entity’s mouth, the shape of the eyes and the fingernails and every bone. The god created this entity entirely from scratch and on a scale five hundred times larger than he was used to.

Finally… finally finally finally the entity was finished. All that was left was to find something to form the heart. The god had created the entity’s brain from pyrite, a stone found of one of the dead planets that was meant to enhance intelligence, protection, stability, creativity, and memory. The god searched for a long time, trying to find the best possible material to form the heart of this entity--to be the final step before breathing life into the entity’s lungs. He searched and searched until the universe brought to him a planet full of baby pink gems. The gems of unselfish love and honesty, of purest kindness. The god knew this was right. He formed all of the beautiful baby pink gems into one, creating a heart big enough, bigger than he had put into the creatures on earth to be able to handle all the love put into this entity, and he places it gently into the entity’s chest.

The heart was not beating yet. The god moved closer to this beautiful entity, the entity that he had formed of his own using the materials from his only other friend, the universe. He presses his lips to the lips of the entity, breathing life into the entity and kissing softly. The entity’s lungs expand and the god pulls away. The heart in the entity’s chest beats, as the rest of the membranes and tissues fill in around, like they always had for any creature the god had made. But this one was different. The entity’s skin was beautiful, soft and porcelain-like, dimples on cheeks and the life almost seeming to pour from it.

The god had never given the entity a name, wanted it to decide for itself who it was and what it was called. “What is your name? Who are you?” the god asks, the voice timid and sweet even despite the foreboding largeness of his physique.

“I am Jackson,” the entity says. “I was created to love, with all my heart, and with all that I have.”

The way that the entity, Jackson, had worded that made it seem as though there was no free will involved. The god had not considered that. Since he had already breathed life into the entity… he could not place anymore within it. He would have to make do with what he had.

He gathers some metals and a few of the gems around him, scanning his options. Quartz, diamond, and sodalite. He gathers up the rest of the sodalite that he has, forming it into one single gem and then attaching it to the metals that had formed a beautiful, intricate, unbreakable chain. He puts the necklace around the entity’s neck. “You now have the free will to decide when and if you should love.”

The god knew that this was a risk--after all, now the entity had the choice to love him or not. This was dangerous. If the one creature the god had worked to create for eons in order to not feel so alone in this blank, empty void chose to love someone else…

The entity looks at the god with those gentle, soft eyes that he’d shaped. The eyes that he had made to be as soft and pure as they are. “Who are you?”

The god had rarely used his name. None of the creatures in the universe seemed to listen when he said it, so he left it alone and let them call him other nonsense names. But the entity was different. “I go by many names. To the creatures of the universe, I am known as God, Yahweh, Sarsaghet… But to you, and as is my true name, I am known as Theodore.” Desperately alone. Theodore, the god who had created the universe and everything in it, just wanted someone. 

The entity smiled at the god. Soft eyes still, and that beautiful, bright, happy smile that the god had created specifically for him to see poked through on the entity’s face. “It is nice to meet you, Theodore.”

The god smiles back. It had felt like eons and eons since he had smiled. And now this beautiful entity was helping him to smile. The god fell for the entity even in conception, even throughout the creation of the entity. But now the entity had to fall in love with the god. This took time. It took around half an eon for the entity to fall in love. The night that they both finally loved each other, pink stars and brightest supernovas were created. A solar eclipse on every planet hid from view the sins that the god chose to partake with the entity.

But the god was happy. Finally happy. The friendship he had with the universe now worked in tandem with the relationship he had with the entity. It was all that he ever needed… careful precision had created the entity, but the learned traits made the entity all his own, still unexpected. And just as with any other creature the god blew life into, with the breath of life came the promise of stories of the past and the future. The entity had its own life story, etched into the very fibers of his skin… and even the god did not know the story in all its details. The god was discovering something new in the entity, and that was exciting all on its own.


	23. Face-to-Face

In the very late spring, a man came face-to-face with art. Jackson found art sitting near the pond on a bench, sketching into a sketchbook, half glancing up at the fountain as he sketched. Ducks gathered around art’s feet. Jackson wanted nothing more to get closer, but he was scared to scare them away… So he left art alone for a long time, tried to find the same beauty in other things. But nothing compared to that masterpiece…

After a month, he couldn’t take it anymore. He sat down next to art, glancing over at the sketchbook. Today there were watercolors, spreads of greens and blues and baby pinks. Jackson was so fascinated. His eyes trail all over, to the high top shoes, the black sweater with a white grid pattern, shorts, the cute rainbow baseball cap. This was the first time Jackson had been able to see so closely… 

“Can I help you?”

Jackson’s startled from his stupor by the voice… the voice he’d longed to hear but perhaps not in that tone. “Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at me and my sketchbook for fifteen minutes. Can I help you?”

“N-No, I just noticed your art and I thought it was nice.”

“Alright. Well, if you’re going to stare so much, shouldn’t you at least introduce yourself?”

“Jackson,” he says with no hesitation.

The other stands, snapping shut the sketchbook and gathering things into a backpack. “Pleasure to meet you, Jackson, but I’ll see you around.” With a coy smile, the other one was gone. Just as quick as the conversation had started, it had ended. Jackson felt empty, angry… He wanted nothing more than to know the name of the beauty he longed to interact with, longed to love.

It took two more weeks for him to get the name.

“You’re awfully mysterious?”

A few more dots of flowers were added to the sketch, before a reply, “How so?”

“I know barely anything about you. I don’t even know your name.”

“And yet I know your full name, where you work, your friends names, your birthday… Isn’t that interesting how willing you are to trust?”

Jackson huffs, “I just want to know more about you.”

With a shrug, “I suppose maybe you’ve earned my name, since you’ve come to see me for a month and a half now.” Apparently Jackson hadn’t been that sneaky before their first real interaction. “My name is Theodore.”

_ Theodore. Theodore, Theodore, Theodore. _ Jackson committed it to memory, filed it away along with everything else important in his head. Credit card pins, social security number, parent’s cell numbers in case of emergency, blood type and dietary restrictions,  _ Theodore _ . “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Theodore.”

Theodore smiles for the first time and Jackson’s heart swells. He wanted nothing more than to make Theodore smile forever and ever, as much as he could. He wanted Theodore to be happy all the time, even if it meant Jackson was not happy. All that mattered was Theodore’s happiness. All that mattered… all that was important…

Jackson watches Theodore draw for the rest of three hours, before Theodore stands. “I’m sure I’ll see you again tomorrow, whether I like it or not.”

“You make it seem like you don’t want to meet with me.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

“Can you stop being so mysterious, Theodore?”

“No, I can’t, Jackson Lockhart, birthday May fourteenth, working at Louellen’s Coffee on Fifth Street, best friends with JB and Double B. I can’t stop being mysterious. One of us has to be the naive, trusting dunce in this friendship, and it most certainly won’t be me.”

Theodore turned and left, but Jackson thought about what Theodore said. Something or someone had clearly hurt Theodore… now he was jaded, untrusting, and bitter. He didn’t want to let anyone in because of past issues with doing so. Jackson wanted nothing more than to know what was wrong, how he could fix it, what he could do to make things right.

It took another two weeks for Theodore to even reveal his last name.  _ Valentine. Theodore Valentine. Theodore Valentine. Theo-dore Val-en-tine. _ Jackson repeats this in his head like a repetitive melody, never planning to let it escape any time soon. It took even longer for Theodore to trust Jackson enough to really tell him much of anything besides arbitrary facts.

A year into this awkward interaction, this awkward friendship that felt one sided at some points, Theodore finally reveals something… the reason for his distrust, for his bitterness and jadedness…

“It… just was caused by some guy.”

“Who?”

“Um… his name was Parker.”

**Theodore giggles, smiling brightly as he enters the apartment. When he gets in, however, the apartment reeks of weed and alcohol. He knew something was wrong, and the smile slides slowly from his face. He could trust, maybe it would be okay. Maybe it was just one of Parker’s stupid friends.**

**Parker walks out of his room, eyes red and giggling, holding a bottle of beer in his hand. His eyes catch Theodore’s and the bottle slides from his fingers and shatters against the tile floor, putting glass and beer everywhere.**

**“Parker…” Theodore says. “Let me clean that up. You go sit down.”**

**He starts to go towards the kitchen but Parker isn’t having it. Parker grabs his wrist sharply, “Don’t fucking tell me what to do. I’m in charge, not you. Don’t you ever remember that?” The other hand goes to Theodore’s hair, pulling it hard, forcing him to make eye contact with Parker.**

**Theodore nods, even though it causes further pulling on his hair.**

**Parker, by the hand fisted in Theodore’s hair, shoves him face-first towards the glass and beer. “Now clean this up, and don’t fucking backsass me.”**

**Theodore reaches for a rag and wipes up the beer and the glass, pitching the entire rag into the trash. “Is there anything you need, Parker?”**

**“No.”**

**For an hour, Theodore’s free. He sits in the kitchen and reads quietly. But after that hour had passed, Parker got antsy and stood up, walking over. He was still drunk and had smoked some more. He was giggling as if this was hilarious, some sort of comedic joke. It was a sick joke, to Theodore anyways.**

**Parker grabs him hard by the wrist, fingers so tight nails were digging into skin and bruising was almost obviously going to happen. He pulls Theodore into their shared bedroom, closing the door behind them after shoving Theodore forward towards the bed.**

**When Theodore doesn’t react, Parker hisses, “Are you just going to stand there and look like a fucking dunce? You’re so naive.”**

**He knows exactly what Parker wants. But he doesn’t want it. “I’m not really in the mood for it, Parker.”**

**Parker giggles, “Tough shit. You’re mine, and I think you need to learn some manners, you little bitch.”**

**Little bitch. Little bitch. Little bitch.**

**Naive dunce. Little bitch. Naive dunce. Little bitch.**

**These repeated in his head as Parker used and abused him. These repeated in his head the next morning when Parker had gone to prowl the streets or whatever it was he did. These repeated as Theodore showered and tried to wash away the dirty, used feeling off of his skin. These repeated as he scrubbed his skin raw. These repeated as he tried to go to work without worrying.**

**When he got home, the cycle repeated. Parker was high. Parker was drunk. Theodore said no. Parker didn’t take no for an answer. Parker used and abused him. Parker insulted him some more.**

**Little bitch. Naive dunce.**

_ One of us has to be the naive, trusting dunce in this friendship, and it most certainly won’t be me. _

After hearing this story, after thinking of what Theodore had said, Jackson places a hand gently on Theodore’s knee. Theodore pulls away. Jackson doesn’t push it. 

“I’m sorry that happened.”

“So is everyone else.”

Jackson frowns. “Not every guy you meet is going to be like him. You need to try to give others a chance.”

“And get hurt again? I don’t think so. I’d prefer not to live four months of my life being raped by a drunken, drugged up asshole again.”

Jackson frowns still, “I know you’re scared. But if you try to give someone a chance, maybe it’ll work out for the better.”

“Are you just saying that because you want me to give you a chance?”

The words stung Jackson, partially because yes, he did want Theodore to give him a chance. But he wasn’t saying these things to make Theodore want to give him a chance. He was saying these things to try to help Theodore. “No. I’m saying that because I think it will help you feel better.”

Jackson watched later on as Theodore opened up to a sweet, tender-hearted guy named Jeffrey. So close… but yet so far. Jackson thought everything was fine between them, until Theodore showed up to the park again, sketchbook in his hands, with a huge, purple bruise on his face.

Jackson can’t even get a word in edgewise as Theodore blurts, “So, Jackson, tell me again how not everyone is like that? Tell me again how not all guys are going to abuse me? Tell me again how people aren’t lying, deceitful assholes who only have the goal of hurting one another for their own gain? Tell me again, Jackson, I’d love to hear your stupid, naive optimism!”

Jackson frowns and sighs. “I don’t know why you’ve had such bad experiences with guys. Again, I’m sorry that that happened, even though you think I’m just saying that out of pity. I know that you’re upset. I get it. It’s hard. And it’s hard to trust after having bad experiences, and it’s scary to think of anyone not hurting you after that’s all that’s happened. I’m not saying you have to keep trying to give people chances, but I just want you to know that I really think someday things will work out for you.”

Theodore sighs in return. “Maybe since you’re the only guy who’s been genuinely nice to me first… you’re someone worth trying.”

“What?”

“Do you want to go get lunch with me tomorrow?”

Jackson nods. “Okay.”


	24. Proof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rewrite of my story, Proof. If you'd like to read that, it's on my page. The body of this chapter WILL BE FILLER. Pay it no mind. I'm just doing that for the sake of reference for word count. Thanks!

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Quisque sit amet ornare dolor, sed commodo nisi. Cras eu dolor non ante laoreet hendrerit et id justo. Etiam massa augue, pharetra et eros a, tristique interdum lacus. Etiam nibh turpis, convallis sit amet mattis vitae, aliquet et dui. Vestibulum facilisis mauris eu maximus finibus. Etiam gravida eu sapien id mattis. In accumsan nec sapien in porta. Integer sed malesuada nisi. Etiam venenatis rhoncus commodo. Etiam at elit vel purus rutrum luctus vitae ultrices magna. Aliquam purus nulla, porta at pretium id, interdum non tellus. Phasellus sit amet diam ut risus tristique eleifend sed in sem. Sed quis arcu odio.

Integer a finibus purus. Nulla facilisi. Donec justo mauris, volutpat et congue vitae, pharetra et lorem. Curabitur suscipit enim id viverra pellentesque. Phasellus at posuere nulla. Pellentesque tempor libero sem, et convallis est ultricies quis. Curabitur at imperdiet est, non aliquam sapien. Aliquam nec mi risus. Suspendisse potenti.

In convallis, sapien eu rhoncus placerat, augue turpis faucibus ligula, quis mattis leo sem at mi. Nullam nec sodales augue. Sed pulvinar fringilla magna elementum tempor. Praesent sed mauris tortor. Aliquam porta quam tortor, nec laoreet velit dictum non. Aenean mattis tempor orci, eu lacinia orci egestas ut. Mauris eget feugiat ante. Fusce porta, lacus ut pulvinar imperdiet, quam quam vulputate purus, id commodo dolor arcu dictum augue. Cras lacus ex, ullamcorper quis aliquam viverra, aliquam et sem. Vivamus vel fringilla tortor, vel condimentum tellus. Ut risus ante, iaculis quis sollicitudin sed, euismod et orci. Aliquam erat volutpat.

Aenean vulputate bibendum lacinia. Sed ut tincidunt nulla. Donec venenatis sapien ut fringilla feugiat. Maecenas aliquam enim eu pulvinar condimentum. Vivamus quis interdum enim, vel porttitor ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Phasellus facilisis magna ut convallis varius. Suspendisse sagittis ultrices urna, sed lacinia elit bibendum vitae. Fusce imperdiet tincidunt augue, et posuere odio rhoncus vitae. Vestibulum lobortis augue non nulla sollicitudin, convallis laoreet metus vehicula.

Cras dapibus ligula ac euismod posuere. Sed hendrerit ullamcorper velit, ac finibus orci tincidunt in. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Ut lacinia convallis imperdiet. Ut laoreet, felis quis posuere pellentesque, nibh urna euismod velit, eu ultricies tortor est quis turpis. Nullam maximus orci at metus fringilla faucibus. Nam fermentum, odio eu consequat tincidunt, metus sapien rhoncus arcu, eu convallis ligula risus scelerisque nulla. Curabitur vitae quam fringilla magna bibendum suscipit vel sed velit. Aenean lobortis sapien lorem, eu lacinia ligula condimentum nec.

Quisque ut ex in felis iaculis commodo. Suspendisse hendrerit tincidunt enim vitae sollicitudin. Nunc in quam vel massa sodales feugiat mattis sit amet elit. Integer rutrum libero tortor, ut egestas urna rhoncus nec. Mauris metus elit, malesuada sed mauris ac, lacinia elementum ligula. Morbi id ipsum mi. Sed lacinia a diam nec finibus. Donec aliquet nunc lacus, id elementum ligula ullamcorper id. Aenean molestie blandit purus id auctor.

Morbi vulputate nunc eros, at congue mi accumsan ut. Curabitur sodales tristique tellus, luctus hendrerit dolor interdum sit amet. Nullam vel mattis sapien. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Maecenas vel velit non risus maximus egestas. Aliquam egestas porta sem, et dictum magna tincidunt a. Duis auctor eros a interdum facilisis. Nulla feugiat erat ut aliquam bibendum. Morbi id venenatis ex, nec molestie massa. Fusce cursus nulla aliquet vulputate tincidunt. Etiam tempor scelerisque urna, at molestie nulla porta eu. Nullam tempor, erat ac blandit viverra, nisl eros tincidunt lectus, vitae luctus nibh diam id turpis. Praesent hendrerit ante lorem, et aliquet nulla dapibus eget.

Aenean felis libero, congue et ante nec, pulvinar consectetur quam. Maecenas vel lectus at metus tristique elementum at et lacus. Fusce fringilla, eros eu convallis sollicitudin, elit nulla ultrices mauris, id mollis mauris sem vitae nisi. Aliquam eu euismod nisi. Etiam sed quam magna. Nam iaculis facilisis ante, in auctor augue porta eget. Proin nunc ex, accumsan nec viverra quis, tempus eget turpis. Quisque dignissim a justo eget finibus. Praesent auctor neque dolor, et aliquet orci bibendum ut.

Nullam non erat rhoncus, dapibus augue non, pulvinar augue. Aenean bibendum arcu quis venenatis sodales. In eget ultricies orci, ac vulputate sapien. Ut placerat magna eu libero luctus bibendum. In sit amet molestie mauris. Mauris vehicula ante libero, quis dapibus erat placerat ornare. Donec congue libero vitae est egestas hendrerit in in quam. Donec turpis odio, auctor non gravida ac, rhoncus vitae ex. Nunc imperdiet tellus at enim consequat tempus. Pellentesque vulputate est id justo imperdiet, sed condimentum metus sodales. Quisque neque mi, cursus quis turpis ac, porta vulputate nibh. Integer iaculis eget augue ut sagittis. Donec in tempus orci, et varius tortor. Fusce elit lorem, commodo vel feugiat dictum, ullamcorper non nibh. Donec mattis vulputate turpis nec lobortis. In dignissim id risus in blandit.

Etiam ullamcorper sem id justo blandit, in venenatis lectus pharetra. Etiam vehicula nulla vitae ex luctus, ut scelerisque enim vehicula. Nunc sed magna a metus tincidunt laoreet. Sed non eros nulla. Mauris hendrerit lorem sit amet mauris malesuada congue. Nam tincidunt, massa sit amet iaculis placerat, metus elit laoreet elit, a bibendum dui orci in risus. Aenean ornare felis et hendrerit laoreet.

Curabitur in sagittis erat, vel varius nisi. Nunc varius sollicitudin arcu, at fermentum erat tincidunt eu. Donec risus lectus, dictum eget viverra sed, porttitor ac arcu. Nullam sapien elit, maximus non magna a, tincidunt rutrum est. Quisque imperdiet vitae augue nec fermentum. Fusce viverra accumsan lectus. Sed rutrum nisi a feugiat suscipit. Nunc ultrices lorem sed urna posuere ultricies. Etiam sed felis aliquam, cursus orci a, venenatis tortor. Praesent cursus velit ac placerat ullamcorper. Ut aliquam tristique dui. Sed ullamcorper, urna non faucibus placerat, mi mauris varius erat, vitae bibendum eros est eu metus. Aenean odio nibh, consectetur eu venenatis nec, faucibus eu ex.

Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec pretium mattis leo, eget laoreet augue pulvinar vitae. Vivamus id ultrices ligula. Morbi a tempor massa. Ut vestibulum mi turpis, et accumsan massa bibendum vel. Aliquam sapien ligula, sodales aliquet sapien eu, egestas tincidunt tellus. Aliquam quis sollicitudin velit, id ultricies diam. Pellentesque molestie orci sagittis mollis viverra. Phasellus massa lectus, lacinia quis libero ac, venenatis porta velit. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Nunc eu malesuada nunc. Morbi dignissim lorem at justo volutpat, sed fringilla metus tincidunt. Praesent nec tellus vitae leo maximus vulputate id ac massa. Maecenas pulvinar diam lacus, at egestas est egestas eu. Aenean mattis scelerisque quam ut porta.

Pellentesque in massa id nisi lobortis consequat at id enim. Ut sed mollis ligula, nec blandit justo. Suspendisse ullamcorper turpis massa, et luctus sapien scelerisque at. Aenean elementum convallis dignissim. Etiam imperdiet ex et mauris malesuada suscipit. Duis ex erat, semper id vulputate ac, commodo et urna. Curabitur faucibus aliquam elementum. Nulla tincidunt aliquam purus ut sodales. Aenean faucibus nisl vitae leo finibus, ut viverra lectus tincidunt.

Morbi nec euismod ligula. Mauris facilisis id risus eu hendrerit. Morbi vel urna nec tellus pharetra mollis. In tempor tortor rutrum massa finibus bibendum. Aenean quis felis ultrices velit vestibulum mattis et quis est. In mi dolor, cursus tempor ipsum eu, sollicitudin elementum mauris. Morbi vitae metus in dui viverra porttitor.

Cras in dictum mi, vel volutpat lacus. Nulla at dictum elit, in pretium purus. Vestibulum nec elit vel arcu imperdiet pretium. Sed sagittis eget velit eu dignissim. Cras in ultricies ligula. Donec ut ornare arcu, id tincidunt tortor. Etiam suscipit nisl sed efficitur ultrices. Curabitur id pharetra ipsum. Duis ullamcorper nec dui quis fermentum. Donec egestas vestibulum felis ut dignissim.

Sed vehicula sapien sed tellus blandit bibendum. Vivamus commodo magna in dui dictum egestas. Morbi gravida augue sed enim varius, quis bibendum sapien dapibus. Vestibulum eget dictum nisi. Integer non ipsum ut est dictum condimentum a non diam. Morbi bibendum turpis id justo hendrerit, elementum accumsan nisl tincidunt. Curabitur et scelerisque erat. Nam tempus diam eget mauris pulvinar, eget dapibus enim imperdiet. Proin in tincidunt tellus. Vestibulum placerat molestie eleifend. Mauris tincidunt purus vitae cursus iaculis. Integer volutpat scelerisque ante, id condimentum metus imperdiet sed. Proin vitae eleifend tellus. Etiam laoreet pretium nisl, nec hendrerit quam. Fusce vel cursus nisi. Curabitur accumsan rhoncus vulputate.

Cras cursus lacus neque, at placerat tortor porttitor id. Morbi at augue quis nisl varius pulvinar. Morbi viverra arcu ac ligula ullamcorper, at tincidunt tortor mattis. Phasellus aliquet mauris nunc, ac pellentesque nisl euismod ut. In consequat, quam vitae accumsan iaculis, ipsum velit lobortis erat, quis suscipit orci justo quis nulla. Vivamus eu vehicula orci. Duis eu tortor varius, pharetra nulla nec, dictum augue.

Pellentesque viverra pretium ligula, eu gravida mauris. Cras elementum risus ut sapien fringilla, non dignissim tellus pulvinar. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Cras ut leo diam. Donec fringilla turpis justo, at fringilla velit rutrum ac. Duis blandit, nisl nec aliquam mattis, mauris nulla hendrerit eros, sed tristique nulla justo a mi. Cras sed pellentesque nisi. Aliquam hendrerit lectus lacinia, pharetra risus at, efficitur erat. Nulla gravida faucibus ornare. Mauris tristique pulvinar eros. Vivamus ut imperdiet eros. Sed non eleifend lorem.

Duis porta odio turpis, in consectetur risus viverra vitae. Pellentesque tempor consectetur elit, ac hendrerit augue venenatis eget. Vestibulum ac ex eget eros dictum finibus. Suspendisse fringilla dolor orci, vitae gravida erat molestie consectetur. Mauris at rhoncus mi. Duis tortor mi, bibendum eu lacus et, semper rhoncus quam. In ac mollis velit, eu vestibulum augue. Etiam nisl elit, eleifend tempor lorem ac, lobortis scelerisque eros. Aenean finibus rutrum odio vitae sollicitudin.

Pellentesque at risus nec libero varius tincidunt. Phasellus porttitor arcu blandit arcu aliquam tincidunt. Ut et neque ligula. Aliquam ipsum sem, convallis efficitur mi sollicitudin, pellentesque pulvinar eros. Proin dapibus nec felis id suscipit. In tincidunt.


	25. Siren's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rewrite of my story, Siren's Song. If you'd like to read that, it's on my page. The body of this chapter WILL BE FILLER. Pay it no mind. I'm just doing that for the sake of reference for word count. Thanks!

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Vestibulum ac vulputate lorem. Nullam vestibulum sit amet sapien at faucibus. Fusce nec quam aliquet, congue libero eu, interdum velit. Sed et lorem eget nisi sodales iaculis ut quis justo. Integer interdum mauris eu diam gravida, mollis tristique ex facilisis. Donec ex metus, scelerisque a tellus ut, facilisis porttitor ligula. Sed maximus tristique elit sed imperdiet.

Phasellus euismod urna augue, nec finibus enim condimentum vel. In volutpat arcu a lorem ultrices, vitae condimentum ligula commodo. Aliquam in lacinia tellus. Proin nulla nisl, dignissim ac varius quis, accumsan et libero. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Vestibulum vestibulum laoreet tristique. Duis sit amet molestie ex. Vivamus ullamcorper, quam ac fringilla mattis, nulla dolor ultrices urna, ac elementum urna ligula ut turpis. Nullam nec aliquam augue. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Etiam consequat posuere ligula et bibendum. Donec lacinia pretium mollis. Vivamus urna orci, ullamcorper ut enim vitae, blandit vestibulum erat. Sed non ipsum nibh.

Nulla quis porta odio. Aliquam sed elit vel urna imperdiet consequat a vel quam. Proin neque mauris, auctor a ornare quis, vestibulum sit amet turpis. Aenean egestas dolor in arcu pulvinar pharetra. Phasellus volutpat eros nibh. Suspendisse potenti. Aliquam consequat mi vel lacinia ultricies. Sed vestibulum feugiat tellus in imperdiet. Quisque imperdiet felis sed lacus dictum, vel tristique dui congue. Nullam ultricies, nisi a eleifend luctus, sapien nisi eleifend libero, non aliquet libero ex vel nunc. Integer hendrerit eros sed arcu mattis, ut semper orci tristique. Nunc et diam at dolor imperdiet vehicula sit amet eu dolor. Phasellus porta ultricies sapien nec egestas. Morbi non dignissim justo.

Nulla ac odio auctor, porta libero et, aliquet tortor. Proin venenatis urna elit, non hendrerit nulla blandit eu. Aliquam sodales massa vel eleifend cursus. Phasellus nec massa eget elit hendrerit eleifend quis in turpis. Donec malesuada tortor neque, eget vehicula diam cursus id. Nunc porttitor magna nisi, id rutrum orci vulputate et. Praesent maximus, nulla vel efficitur faucibus, diam purus eleifend leo, ut sodales urna nibh a elit. Mauris nisi urna, tincidunt at urna et, pulvinar convallis lectus. Nulla nec pretium purus. Pellentesque volutpat mauris tortor, ac vulputate felis hendrerit ut. Quisque id ante eleifend, tincidunt nunc vel, vestibulum enim. Mauris suscipit, lacus vel vulputate euismod, justo dolor finibus velit, vitae accumsan turpis sapien vitae lorem. In ullamcorper lacus et orci sagittis consectetur. Mauris porttitor, justo sit amet commodo pellentesque, lectus purus feugiat massa, ut malesuada nunc sapien et metus. Cras facilisis luctus placerat.

Nullam condimentum elit ac leo rhoncus vestibulum. Ut a augue faucibus, iaculis tortor vitae, ullamcorper neque. Fusce sollicitudin consectetur accumsan. Cras at bibendum leo, in efficitur mi. Integer vitae turpis porta, auctor ipsum in, mattis ante. Curabitur sed tincidunt odio. Aliquam cursus velit eu ante vehicula, eget bibendum metus vestibulum. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Curabitur sit amet nisi risus. Integer faucibus eros vitae nulla auctor posuere. Nunc vehicula, lorem at aliquet tempus, urna augue vestibulum nisi, non hendrerit purus mi sit amet diam. Curabitur eu odio nulla.

Pellentesque quis nibh nec sapien hendrerit gravida eu sed metus. Fusce porta maximus feugiat. Vestibulum malesuada enim porta lacus accumsan, sed feugiat lectus interdum. Donec in hendrerit quam, non tempus ligula. Ut sodales iaculis nunc, nec maximus elit dictum non. Suspendisse eget ligula ante. Duis nec elementum sem. Nulla facilisi. Sed semper leo non tellus sodales lacinia. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus.

Sed aliquet ligula sit amet arcu porttitor egestas. In et tempor metus. Donec magna felis, mollis nec consectetur a, fermentum nec justo. Quisque dapibus turpis dui, at congue orci molestie eu. Nullam felis nunc, bibendum vel ultricies eu, lobortis luctus risus. Aenean tincidunt maximus gravida. Nullam mollis arcu eu sem rhoncus, eget sodales enim semper. Donec consectetur vestibulum massa, sed vehicula urna dignissim in. Nunc scelerisque placerat nisi ut consectetur. Integer rutrum nisl a lectus pulvinar accumsan. Etiam fermentum blandit arcu vel auctor. Mauris lacus velit, faucibus sit amet ante eu, gravida imperdiet nunc. Phasellus fringilla vel orci vitae congue.

Integer mauris lorem, tincidunt in turpis et, auctor vestibulum urna. Nunc luctus convallis vulputate. Morbi eget diam id augue accumsan finibus. Nulla lobortis, lorem ac ornare sollicitudin, sapien lacus pulvinar lectus, vel commodo eros enim a diam. Nam eget pellentesque massa, id aliquam felis. Donec massa libero, bibendum mattis euismod sit amet, ullamcorper quis enim. Sed laoreet urna a tortor luctus, lobortis ornare lectus gravida. Suspendisse blandit nulla at euismod ultricies. Sed ac fermentum quam. Nam quis quam a augue hendrerit eleifend dapibus malesuada massa. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Sed imperdiet nibh eu sollicitudin tristique. Nulla accumsan volutpat lacus, at elementum ante pulvinar non. Vivamus consequat rhoncus lectus, ut commodo turpis fermentum eget.

Phasellus quis est id felis ultrices volutpat. Aenean blandit, orci et commodo ultricies, magna urna facilisis metus, eget scelerisque nunc nulla eu lacus. Praesent hendrerit neque orci, ut vehicula enim cursus ut. Morbi iaculis nisi nec ligula posuere elementum. Sed iaculis et justo mollis pulvinar. Sed porta risus ligula, eget tincidunt mauris volutpat malesuada. Suspendisse luctus nec arcu sed luctus. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Vivamus elit mauris, posuere eget suscipit sit amet, auctor at odio. Nulla vestibulum nisl a tellus dapibus faucibus.

Curabitur scelerisque mi at nisi ullamcorper, a vehicula enim aliquam. Curabitur lectus purus, consectetur at sem non, vulputate tincidunt ipsum. Sed at felis imperdiet, ultrices lectus non, varius augue. Morbi rhoncus vulputate dolor. Duis iaculis ligula nec ante ullamcorper tempor. Donec egestas, urna eget porta consequat, lorem mi hendrerit mauris, eu tempor turpis leo at sapien. Praesent sit amet neque quam. Proin bibendum leo dignissim tellus porttitor, id elementum purus vulputate. Praesent hendrerit rutrum ipsum sit amet euismod.

Etiam quis leo ut nisi blandit rutrum a nec orci. Phasellus quis dui risus. Etiam quis porttitor diam. Ut dignissim massa mattis elementum venenatis. Vivamus rhoncus interdum metus non faucibus. Donec volutpat, arcu non vestibulum sollicitudin, tellus ligula fermentum felis, sed vestibulum erat nulla et lacus. Etiam ligula dolor, facilisis quis urna id, mattis cursus felis. Nam congue et tortor vitae dapibus. Proin ullamcorper felis lectus, eu porttitor ipsum venenatis nec. Quisque molestie tortor augue, ac viverra ligula gravida et. Nam dignissim turpis magna, et suscipit ante molestie vel. Suspendisse potenti. Vivamus id neque justo. Nunc venenatis est neque, feugiat efficitur tortor tempus nec. Nullam pellentesque neque ex, id accumsan felis pellentesque ut.

Etiam vitae tellus ipsum. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce eu arcu in dolor finibus posuere quis commodo eros. Donec sed lorem id mi rutrum consectetur. Ut iaculis sem arcu, eget maximus odio condimentum fringilla. Aliquam iaculis risus et elit aliquam, ullamcorper finibus sapien tristique. Donec et odio ac enim feugiat rutrum.

Etiam egestas metus id tincidunt dictum. Nullam eget nisi id lectus tincidunt gravida sit amet eget purus. Phasellus rhoncus neque est, id dapibus ipsum condimentum eget. Donec felis leo, blandit et lorem dapibus, tempus malesuada ex. Duis et orci nibh. Vestibulum accumsan porta felis at fringilla. Praesent id feugiat mi, a rhoncus libero. In ante purus, facilisis a eros nec, viverra ullamcorper elit. Vivamus elementum, ipsum quis laoreet tristique, nunc felis viverra ligula, vel sagittis nunc tortor dignissim orci. Vivamus quis interdum sapien.

Duis fermentum mollis elit, et cursus nibh tincidunt vitae. Integer id tincidunt ante. Fusce quam dolor, sollicitudin pellentesque imperdiet ac, efficitur at erat. Phasellus elit augue, efficitur at eleifend ac, mattis vitae purus. Fusce convallis eleifend erat, ullamcorper vehicula sem pellentesque porttitor. Integer sagittis pulvinar elit ut placerat. Nunc quis pharetra risus, at pellentesque diam. Suspendisse laoreet dolor dui, eu hendrerit nunc consequat eu. In pretium lorem vel erat rutrum, eu gravida lectus feugiat. Proin turpis sem, pretium eget orci vitae, accumsan consectetur nibh. Nunc quis placerat enim. Duis varius neque sit amet dolor porttitor sagittis. Morbi et urna porta, ornare augue ut, hendrerit neque. Pellentesque dignissim mollis turpis. Duis eget laoreet erat, ac facilisis arcu. Pellentesque nec ultricies quam.

Morbi pellentesque tempus ex, in interdum arcu tristique a. Aliquam eget aliquam justo. In rutrum laoreet ipsum in vulputate. Suspendisse malesuada auctor justo in luctus. Aenean mauris velit, sagittis quis lectus eget, feugiat fringilla tortor. Nulla consectetur, elit a viverra imperdiet, arcu massa eleifend nunc, sed varius lacus ipsum id urna. Morbi varius erat vitae diam laoreet gravida id quis nibh. Aenean quis tellus eu sapien venenatis pretium quis at urna. Donec fringilla sapien massa, eget iaculis ligula consectetur id. Etiam nisi libero, commodo vel augue varius, auctor tristique augue. Donec ac ultrices risus, ac sagittis mauris. Vivamus hendrerit commodo lacus, a egestas mauris volutpat vitae. Phasellus facilisis non quam nec dapibus. Sed et quam nisi.

Vivamus elementum pulvinar efficitur. Proin mauris ante, ullamcorper id eros ac, condimentum congue eros. Duis non nulla tempor, consequat nisi quis, iaculis ipsum. Duis maximus, quam a scelerisque eleifend, ex erat accumsan nisl, nec bibendum dolor diam ac lectus. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Nullam volutpat nulla magna, nec sollicitudin mi tristique eget. Vivamus laoreet blandit volutpat. Nunc interdum auctor tempor. Nam et diam semper, aliquet ante vitae, sodales felis. Mauris molestie facilisis sem eu hendrerit. Donec et libero sem. Integer faucibus quis nunc quis finibus. Praesent porttitor metus eget velit hendrerit varius. Aenean varius nulla neque. Suspendisse suscipit nec ipsum vel aliquet. Phasellus placerat turpis vitae massa ultrices, nec consectetur magna scelerisque.

Morbi semper tortor felis. Praesent pharetra ligula at quam sagittis eleifend. Integer tincidunt, augue at hendrerit maximus, massa magna mattis neque, eget pulvinar lacus eros at enim. Cras nec felis posuere, elementum turpis vitae, tincidunt orci. Proin vitae porttitor ex. Maecenas nibh sem, facilisis non libero vel, lobortis euismod lorem. Nullam nec pulvinar est. Phasellus at vulputate odio.

Etiam dictum quam in auctor finibus. Sed vulputate dapibus nunc sit amet fringilla. Ut nec metus id lacus interdum pretium vitae vitae mauris. Suspendisse eget tempus est. Curabitur ac posuere risus. Aliquam placerat justo nec maximus lacinia. Sed faucibus enim sed neque auctor, at commodo erat commodo. Mauris vel lectus aliquet, vehicula massa vel, posuere lacus. Morbi in dapibus libero. Integer quis nisi lacus. Curabitur vitae fringilla elit. Donec sodales eu sapien ut commodo.

Donec at elit odio. Maecenas dapibus, quam nec auctor vulputate, ante lacus tempus nisi, eget pulvinar diam sapien et neque. Aliquam non eros vestibulum velit fringilla fringilla a eu urna. Phasellus accumsan ornare volutpat. Nulla a risus ac tortor porttitor faucibus. Sed ut hendrerit tellus, at pretium tortor. Sed viverra odio orci, et auctor neque mattis ac.

Fusce id turpis gravida, posuere justo in, condimentum elit. Duis pulvinar, risus eu rutrum pulvinar, tortor nisi dignissim purus, ut volutpat quam massa in libero. Nunc nisi purus, fringilla sit amet nibh vel, condimentum molestie odio. Etiam auctor pharetra diam nec dictum. Nullam eget nunc mollis, consectetur neque laoreet, volutpat ex. Nunc congue nunc vel urna auctor, vitae tristique lacus interdum. Nulla blandit venenatis quam et elementum. Nam volutpat feugiat enim ut cursus. Donec tortor lectus, molestie eget sollicitudin quis, scelerisque eget massa. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Maecenas quis mauris luctus, pharetra turpis vel, tincidunt mauris. Vestibulum congue enim et diam finibus, sit amet porttitor neque venenatis.


	26. Turned (The Before)

When he bit that guy in an alley, Jackson hadn’t expected him to show up a few months later at the council, expecting to get registered. He looked pissed. Jackson could assume it was because he hadn’t wanted to be a vampire. Jackson hadn’t wanted to make him into one, but he tasted too good, and then when he’d realized he got carried away, tried to take it far enough that his lack of blood would kill him painlessly. But apparently he had recovered, or someone had called an ambulance for him to get help. So here he was now… a newly turned vampire, without any clue what he was doing. Jackson felt bad, because technically he was to mentor the new vampire since he’d been the one to turn him, but they had no way of placing the blame on him.

“Jackson Lockhart,” the head of the council said.

Jackson stood, bending a bit at his waist in a bow before straightening up, “Yes, sir?”

“What are your reports for human interactions?”

Jackson was a part of the human and vampire interactions committee. Which would make it all the worse if they learned he had turned a human into a vampire--considering they were trying to get all vampires off of human blood and onto bagged blood instead. The HVIC was also trying to get vampires to treat humans more kindly, and help relations be more positive between humans and vampires, so hopefully humans would stop cowering away. Vampires were not bad, and just because they lived forever and drank blood did not make them evil. They did not ever have intention to hurt. Vampires in general had a very bad reputation. People made vampires out to be a lot worse than they are. Most vampires were very kind, and very skilled in professions, teaching others how to do good things for the human race because they had been alive to see what works and what doesn’t. Vampires had helped society a lot more than humans though they did.

But of course, Jackson, one of the highest up in the HVIC had to be the one who turned the most recent human. The new vampire would end up being brought up, since a name was written on the agenda. He hadn’t asked for the human’s name before he’d started sucking his neck. Jackson felt bad, making the poor kid think he was going to get lucky. Jackson had made himself look a little more attractive, a little more interesting to look at… He’d convinced the poor guy to believe that Jackson was going to take him home. Instead, Jackson led him to dark alley…  kissed him until he was distracted, kissed down his neck and then bit him. He’d… He’d used the poor human. Gone against everything in the HVIC. 

And now, in front of all the court, they’d realize it. They’d hear him get called out for it, if the human, now vampire, was able to identify him by his face or identify him some other way. Jackson was terrified. He had a very high risk of losing his job if that happened. He had to hope to everything that existed that the new vampire couldn’t identify him. 

“Humans have started to amend laws to hire vampires into basic service positions, such as firefighting, police officers, and other justice positions. This is a large step up. Additionally, there are some laws that are currently being considered to better give equal rights to all parties, not just vampires. That is all, sir, thank you.” He sits down politely.

The meeting continues on, until the head speaks another name. The one on the agenda board. “Theodore Valentine.”

The new vampire stands… the one that Jackson had created.

“It is to my understanding that you were turned into a vampire two months ago, and are looking to register yourself and learn the ways of being a vampire, including the correct vows and following the rules?”

Theodore nods, “Yes, sir.”

“And you understand that failure to comply with the rules put into place will result in your demise?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“Alright. Firstly, do we have any in the room who admit that they were the one to turn Mister Valentine?”

Jackson knows it’s him who did it, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Very well. Theodore Valentine, do you remember anything of the person who turned you?”

Theodore shakes his head, “No sir.”

“Do you remember anything at all?”

“I remember it started with kissing and then it wasn’t that anymore.”

That wasn’t enough to incriminate Jackson as the one involved.

Theodore shrugs, “I’m sorry I don’t have more information, sir.”

“That’s quite alright, Theodore. Since Mister Jackson Lockhart is the representative present for the HVIC, he will be the one to find you a mentor for your first year and a half as a vampire to help guide you. Is that understood?” The head wasn’t only talking to Theodore, but to Jackson as well. Both the boys not. “Excellent. You may discuss after the meeting. Onwards with the agenda, discussing…”

Jackson stops listening, blanking out for the rest of the meeting. After all, nothing else they really discussed concerned him that much. Once the meeting concluded with a loud ring of a bell, Jackson stands up and absently walks back out into the square, where people were milling around. Teenage girls were giggling, watching the group leave the hall. The girls always liked to fawn over the vampire council’s men. There were a few older men, and some men in their thirties, standing and watching too. They were searching for the vampire women. That was how this was.

Jackson feels a tap on his shoulder and sighs, not really interested in telling yet another teen girl that he’s gay and not interested, only to turn and come face to face with Theodore.

“Excuse me? I believe you’re… Jackson Lockhart? Correct?”

Jackson nods slowly.

“The head of the council told me to speak with you about finding a mentor.”

Jackson nods again, beckoning him along, “Yeah. C’mon, we’ll go to my office and check it out.”

They walk to his office, and then Jackson searches through files. It seemed like all the eligible people already had a mentoree. All of them except himself. This would make for a very interesting experience… He would’ve had to mentor him anyways by the law if they’d caught him, but now he was being forced to by his own work since he was the only available option. Jackson looks up at Theodore, “Well, by the looks of things, it seems I have to be your mentor.”

Theodore didn’t seem to feel either way. Jackson was worried he’d decline. But Theodore couldn’t be a vampire without a mentor. He couldn’t function. Not only was it illegal to be without a mentor as a new vampire, but it was also impossible for a young vampire to be alone without help. Young vampires didn’t know how to live, and without a mentor, they would surely die. They didn’t know how to get blood, didn’t know how to live with all the rules. It was dangerous. Theodore looked at Jackson for a long time before nodding, “Okay.”

It was interesting to look back and think that Jackson was resentful to be Theodore’s mentor. Because now, Theodore and Jackson were incredibly close. They were lovers. They’d taken the twining promise vows. The vows that bound them together, blood by blood, and tethered them together almost on a spiritual level. They felt what each other felt deeply within each other. They were bonded so intimately that one was never found without another. The day that they had their registration papers changed to ‘bonded’ was momentous--family was gathered, kisses were shared, and parties were held. It was the most important day of Jackson’s life.

But even more beyond this, Theodore and Jackson were so close. Even without their twining promise, they were close. It took awhile for Jackson to eventually admit to Theodore that he was the one who had turned him. It was hard, and Theodore had cried, and told Jackson that he hated him. Jackson apologized, but said he understood if Theodore didn’t want to stay. Theodore left for two days, but came back crying still. He told Jackson he was sorry. This was before they had taken their vows. Long, long before that. But Jackson welcomed Theodore back gently, a kiss to his forehead and patient gentle voice. He wanted Theodore to know that he was important and loved, and that Theodore would always be welcome there. Welcome in his home, welcome in his arms. Always safe and welcome there… Theodore cried the whole night, and Jackson held him. They had a bond like no other. They had a bond that was inseparable, even from the start. Their life had been up and down, but it didn’t matter now. They were too important now, too intimately tied together because they need it. They need each other, they need all the love that they had for each other because without that, they’d be nothing. 

Theodore earned a job at the HVIC with Jackson. Not by nepotism, but because Theodore, as a newly turned vampire, had a lot of excellent ideas for human relations. Theodore helped boost positive interactions between humans and vampires, and he was promoted to the highest boss of the HVIC pretty quickly.


	27. Turned (The After)

Jackson didn’t tell Theodore because he didn’t want to scare him. Jackson didn’t want Theodore to get scared thinking there were people out there who were out to kill him and people like him. Vampire slayers rarely went for vampires now since there were so many laws protecting their rights. But there were underground circles for hunting vampires anyways. Besides that, Jackson would protect Theodore as much as he could, protect him with his life. Theodore wouldn’t ever be hurt if Jackson had any say about it. Jackson wouldn’t dare put Theodore’s life in danger. 

But then a vampire hunter started targeting Jackson and Theodore both. Since they were basically attached at the hip, it would be easy to find them both together. She was targeting them for reasons Jackson didn’t know. Jackson was stressed, watching around corners, wanting to protect Theodore from any threat, but it was hard because he never knew what was friend or foe. He was trying so hard to be calm and not scare Theodore, but it was so difficult. Theodore would start to notice if he wasn’t careful. 

Jackson spent many nights while Theodore was out thinking about why they were being targeted. He’d reported it to the council, but there wasn’t much they could do but avoid it and hope they don’t get killed. They were on their own. Even their own people had abandoned them. Jackson was so mad that they were leaving them alone to die. But was there much that they could do anyways? Theodore and Jackson were only putting off the inevitable by avoiding it. The hunter would catch them eventually.

Jackson knew very little about her, but he’d seen her a few times. His heightened senses allowed him to catch her hurrying back around corners after getting too close. She wore glasses, which at least was a partial way to have an advantage. Smacking away her glasses would hinder her vision. Her hair had been longer when they’d started, around the middle of her back, but she lopped it off and now it was to her shoulders. It had been dyed blue on the ends for awhile, but that was replaced with a blended brunette-blonde again. She never smiled, so he had no indication of that. She had freckles. Jackson knew this. She would be pretty if it weren’t for the fact that she was trying to kill him.

She always wore a coat. A thick, brownish wool coat. Long, with big buttons in the front. She wore that jacket even in the summer. People looked at her weird, but she didn’t seem to care. Her eyes held an indication of something sinister when he caught them, and of course Jackson sent back a look of disgust. Jackson wanted her to stay as far away from him and Theodore as possible. She wore these boots. Khaki brown, heels taller than necessary, laced up in the front. He didn’t know how to feel about her.

Jackson felt threatened by her, and he didn’t want to get any closer to her if he could help it. So he helped Theodore avoid her. Any time he saw her, they’d go to a public space. They’d go where there’s a lot of people. As much as vampire hunters didn’t care about the laws relating to vampires, they did care about laws relating to murder. They would kill. But they didn’t want to get caught. Public spaces were the safest spaces for Theodore and Jackson to stay in.

Of course, it was hard to avoid her. And of course, they were bound to have a run in. He just hadn’t expected for the run in to happen while he was trying to help Theodore get home. She was standing there, right outside their front door, hand wrapped around the straps of her purse, still in those same boots and jacket. She had a smirk on her face.

“What do you want?” Jackson asks. “I need to get inside.”

“I’m sorry, I just need to speak with you for a minute.”

“About what?”

“Just a few things.” Her eyebrow quirks up into a curious expression. “You and your lover are vampires, correct?”

“That’s neither here nor there. Can we go inside now?”

“Ah! That’s just being rude. Couldn’t we at least introduce ourselves?”

“No. I don’t want you to know our names, and you don’t deserve the privilege of sharing yours with us.”

“That’s a little rude, don’t you think, Lockhart?”

Jackson sighs. “If you already know our names, then why are you making such a fuss?”

“Because I just love to make things interesting,” the hunter says. “I’m all about drama.”

“Then say your stupid monologue and move on.” Jackson was growing weary. He wanted to just go inside. To sit with Theodore, watch some TV, and relax.

“I don’t even get to introduce myself… But I will. For you, Jackson.” She winks, giggling. “My name is Laney. Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Your time here will be pretty short lived once I’m through.”

Jackson rolls his eyes and sighs. “Are you done? Can we just get this over with?”

“You’re awfully eager to die, aren’t you? What about your boyfriend?”

Theodore hadn’t said anything the entire time. He was just staring in disbelief. But finally words escaped him. “Jackson… Is… is she going to hurt us?”

He turns to Theodore, trying to speak gently. “Theo… I’m sorry…”

Theodore is wide eyed. 

“Oh dear, he didn’t even know he was destined to die?”

Theodore just stares at Jackson. He’s so worried. He doesn’t want to die. He can’t die. But he doesn’t want to lose Jackson either. He can’t live without him. Laney smiles sadly at the two of them. “Wow… Jackson, you didn’t even tell him his life is in danger…”

He didn’t want to scare Theodore. He didn’t want Theodore to get hurt. But instead he was making it worse. Theodore was hurting more now. Laney giggles, “This is quite the quarrel. I know an easy way to break this up.”

Jackson was too focused on trying to comfort Theodore that he didn’t watch Laney pull the stake from her bag. She smirks, running closer, and jamming it in their direction. It misses, thank god, and Jackson pulls Theodore out of the way, then turning to look at Laney. She was making a sort of pursed face, “This is pathetic.”

Her leg is up in an instant, kicking Jackson hard at in the jaw. It hurt like hell. Jackson never wanted to pick fights but now he would. He punched hard, and fought hard. He kept her at bay long enough for Theodore to get some space away. But he could only keep up for so long before getting fatigued. They stopped combat training years ago. He had no chance against a hunter trained in combat and fighting skills. Her stake whirls around, grazing his arm. It doesn’t hit his heart--he still has a chance. 

Jackson pushes her hard and she falls. He pins her down, growling in her face, “You’re going to stop hunting Theo and I. Got it?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh? And why’s that? I have the advantage over you right now.” 

“You think so, Jackson? Not for long.” Somehow, she’s stronger. She flips him over onto his back, her arm raised as her knees pin his elbows against the concrete. His jaw aches, and his skin hurts. He just wants to stop her from hurting Theodore. “You’re done for, Lockhart. I’ll get you, and then I’ll get your boyfriend. Aren’t you excited? He gets to see you die first!” At once, before Jackson can process everything she’d said, her arm thrusts down, forcing the stake directly into his heart.

A pained whine escapes him as blood spurts from the wound. She pulls the stake out, grinning like a madwoman as the blood sputters onto her face. She was so proud of herself. She turns to Theodore, who had already bolted down the street. As much as he wanted to mourn Jackson’s death, now he couldn’t. He had to protect himself. He had to get somewhere public. Jackson had taught Theodore that. He’s running hard when Laney tackles him to the concrete and stabs him too, giggling. She was insane. Absolutely insane. She grips the stake tightly in her hand even after tugging it from Theodore’s chest. 

She stands up, leaving his destroyed, broken body on the sidewalk of the neighborhood. Jackson’s body was left outside their house. Heading back to headquarters, Laney takes the manila folder from her desk, writing in a few notes. Then, under the pictures of Theodore and Jackson, she writes “TERMINATED” and puts large, red ‘x’s on their pictures.

She was intriguing. Writing her notes in pretty purple pen with perfect penmanship. Signing her name in hot pink. But in every single photo, she wasn’t without that grin. That terrifying, madwoman grin. She couldn’t stop it. It was too exciting. She doesn’t wash the blood off her face immediately. The blood was almost like a prize. A token of another two kills that were successful. She felt so much pride in herself. Her boss praises her, and offers her a new folder with a new target. No vampire would be safe. If she had any say, they’d all be eradicated. She begins reading the folder and the fact files for her next case, gathering up details. How exciting… the start of a new chase.

 


	28. Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just a rewrite of the first chapter of Dudes and Dolls, so if you're interested in reading that, it's on my page. The body of this chapter WILL BE FILLER. Pay it no mind. I'm just doing that for the sake of reference for word count. Thanks!

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Ut elementum magna nec neque suscipit scelerisque et quis ipsum. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Maecenas consequat ornare justo sit amet porttitor. Suspendisse vitae viverra orci. Fusce id lectus sit amet eros suscipit viverra in quis diam. Sed ullamcorper ipsum vitae tempus ornare. Sed tempor sit amet felis nec bibendum.

Maecenas laoreet semper sodales. Curabitur varius urna leo, eu dictum sem tempor a. Donec pretium elit et massa elementum, sit amet euismod ligula pharetra. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Aliquam varius arcu et quam maximus, at posuere dolor rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Etiam egestas, nunc ut ullamcorper dapibus, nisi nunc bibendum orci, et consequat enim nibh eu metus. Suspendisse pulvinar neque est, sed aliquam neque posuere non. Donec fermentum sed mauris et euismod. Aliquam vitae hendrerit tortor, quis mattis felis.

Integer euismod eleifend nisi, a interdum enim luctus vitae. Aenean vulputate vitae eros in gravida. Etiam eleifend, mi ut molestie ultricies, augue magna tempus neque, ut laoreet turpis lectus vitae nulla. Nam placerat nec mauris id consequat. Donec vulputate sagittis facilisis. Aliquam dapibus consequat vehicula. Sed tristique nibh ut lectus bibendum pretium. Curabitur massa tortor, consectetur vitae nulla consequat, efficitur imperdiet ante. Sed fringilla turpis eget urna varius, eget sodales dui pharetra. Duis rutrum at magna et finibus. Nunc sit amet nisi urna. Aenean porttitor tempor molestie. Donec in risus lacinia, placerat tellus tincidunt, porttitor sapien.

Vestibulum nec posuere leo. Donec malesuada quam quis scelerisque vestibulum. Etiam et porta justo. Donec sodales urna ut purus laoreet tincidunt. Duis laoreet, velit at luctus ullamcorper, diam neque feugiat ex, vitae dictum velit leo in est. Duis in ultricies diam. Nam et eleifend turpis. Vestibulum et ipsum consectetur, tristique tellus vel, condimentum eros. Nunc ac enim rhoncus, ullamcorper ligula nec, convallis nibh.

Vivamus fermentum turpis eget pulvinar cursus. Ut vel elit nec diam molestie elementum. Suspendisse vitae suscipit enim, eu congue ante. Aenean interdum diam consectetur pulvinar iaculis. Phasellus at.


	29. Luckiest

Jackson had been waiting for this day for a long time. Ever since the day he met Theodore. He texted Theodore the day before, asking him if he wanted to go out to the park that they used to go to all the time, since there was a band playing there the next day. Theodore agreed, saying how exciting it would be to go to the same place that they went to for their first date. Jackson was so excited that he said yes.

Everything was put together, planned ahead and all parts of the plan had a plan B, plan C, and plan D. Just in case something went wrong. But Jackson doubted anything would--he knew Theodore well enough to know what was going on with him and to be able to predict what Theodore would do. Hopefully. Except for the last part. He could only hope for that part.

First, he dressed up in an outfit he knew Theodore liked. A long, dark navy jacket, dark jeans, boots, and his hair out in the open rather than tucked under a baseball cap. He wore a white shirt with little black stars embroidered on it--a shirt Theodore had picked for him. He wore Theodore’s favorite rings and the necklace Theodore had gotten him. His earrings were simple, just some silvery hoops. He wanted this to be special. He told Theodore to wear something that makes him feel handsome and happy.

Theodore had chosen a baby pink sweater and some dark jeans, as well as grey boots. Theodore also had decided to wear the bracelet Jackson had gotten him with the little plate on the front that had an etching of the sound of Jackson saying, “I love you.” Just for when Theodore was at home and Jackson was travelling, and Theodore missed him. He bought it so Theodore wouldn’t forget that it was true. 

They walked hand in hand in the park, looking at the fountain and all the old and new pennies in the water. They sat at the edge, and Theodore pointed out all the coins, talking about the years. 

“There’s one from 1997. OJ Simpson was found liable in a civil suit that year, on February fifth.”

“There’s another from 1967. Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the first black US Supreme Court justice on October second.”

“2003… The Columbia space shuttle exploded and killed all seven of the astronauts in it on February first.”

“2008. Supreme Court ruled four to three in California in favor of same sex marriage on May fifteenth.”

“1955. Rosa Parks refused to sit down at the back of the bus December first.”

“1931. Al Capone was sentenced to eleven years in prison for tax evasion. Also… the Scottsboro trial… and the Star Spangled Banner became the national anthem officially.”

“1960. John F. Kennedy defeated Nixon in the presidential race.”

Jackson thought it was amazing that Theodore had all this in his head. He was so clever… smart and fantastic. Theodore always said he was lucky, but Jackson thought much the opposite. Jackson was lucky to be with Theodore. Calm, collected, soft, sweet Theodore. Theodore, who complimented Jackson’s rambunctious, loud, sometimes obnoxious personality. They balanced each other out, made each other whole by filling in the parts that they didn’t have. Theodore brought out the calm in Jackson, and Jackson brought out the fun and the loudness in Theodore. It was a relationship of equal give and take. Jackson was so lucky, because Theodore made him into a better person, made him into a more loving, soft, kind person. Theodore didn’t realize how much Jackson was grateful to be with him.

As they continue down, they feed some ducks using some stale bread left in a bag by some kids a few hours ago. They crumble it up into smaller bits and watch as the ducks quack and squawk near their feet for the bread. Theodore smiles so happily, all teeth and joy, and Jackson grins in return. His free hand goes around Theodore’s waist, squeezing his hip gently--not meaning anything by it. Just to touch, just to be close. Affectionate and sure.

Theodore still smiles as they walk further to people watch by the pond. They look at all the couples walking by. A girl with long brown hair, ends turning minty green from a dye job that was fading, wearing a pretty blue dress. She was holding hands with a boy with a bright smile and even brighter strawberry red hair. She was giggling at something her boyfriend had said, playfully batting his shoulder and squealing his name. The boy smiles back, “What? It’s not my fault that I have such a talented girlfriend, one who wins first place in photography, no less!”

Another couple walks by. Two girls. One with dark hair, curled and soft, thick framed glasses, and a high waisted skirt. She also wore a mustard yellow shirt, with some cute oxfords. The other was dressed in a black sweatshirt with some print on it, jeans and boots, her brown hair tugged back into a loose half up, half down look. Her red lipsticked lips were pulled into a grin too, as she spoke sweetly to her girlfriend, “Dodes…” Her girlfriend only giggles, tugging her along faster, “C’mon!”

Jackson looks over at Theodore, who squeezed his hand tighter. So in love. So, so in love. They keep walking now, to the old playground they used to visit when they were dating. Kids were playing, skipping rope and hopscotch. A few of the slides had tape over them because kids weren’t supposed to be playing on them. The kids were making piles out of the gravel, burying each other and laughing. Kids would get pushed and cry for a moment before getting back up and playing again. Two guys were playing basketball. Kids were swinging, jumping off and landing in the gravel like Jackson remembered doing so many years ago as a kid their age. Trekking over the monkey bars, jumping off the swings, going down the twisty slide, running across the bridge. Childhood was such an innocent time…

Finally, they got to where the band was playing. They were playing some fun, upbeat song. Jackson didn’t recognize it, as much as he wished he did. He was just waiting patiently for phase two. They were right on time. Everything was going to work out the way he wanted it to. The band starts playing and he hears the opening notes of a song he wrote. A song he’d given them.

Then, the singer starts, the voice soft and sure just the way that Jackson had wanted it to be sung.

_ Theodore… _

_ Oh, mi amor _

_ The one I adore… _

_ Theodore… _

_ Don’t you know how special you are _

_ To me? _

Theodore looks over at the sound of his name, listening. “What a crazy coincidence they chose to sing a song about a guy named Theodore, huh?”

Jackson laughs, “Yeah.”

They sit on a bench in the center, right by the band, to keep listening.

_ Theo, baby… _

_ I’m hoping for not maybe _

_ But I really don’t know what else to say _

_ But… I love you, anyway. _

_ Theo, baby... _

_ I’m bad with words… _

_ So listen here instead… _

 

Jackson stood up, and Theodore looked confused. Jackson just smiled, pretending to lean closer to hear what the band was singing as he jammed his hands into his pocket. His hand gripped that tiny velvet box as the music continued, and just as the refrain was starting, he turns to Theodore now, pulling out the box and getting on one knee, opening the box slowly as the singer sings.

 

_ Marry me… _

_ In the sunlight _

_ Under the soft white clouds _

_ Of the park we first fell in love in _

 

_ Marry me… _

_ Look at me here, _

_ I’m on my knee _

_ Begging, please… _

 

Theodore looks at Jackson, wide eyed, and he gasps. The song fades away. The people in the park are watching. He can hear the shutter of a photographer. “Are you serious?” Theodore asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

Jackson smiles gently. “Of course I am. Theodore Valentine, you make me the happiest man alive. Without you, I’d be nothing. Without you, I  _ am _ nothing. You’re the most handsome, wonderful, kind, sweet, soft, sensitive, amazing man I have ever met. I’m so beyond lucky to be your boyfriend, but I have to ask. Can I be lucky enough to be your husband?”

Theodore, without hesitation, grins, and offers his hand, “Yes. Absolutely.”

Jackson slides the simple gold band on Theodore’s hand, before gently pulling Theodore to stand as they kiss. The crowd claps and the music continues, a beautiful swell of strings and passion. Jackson pulls away to sing along with the singer. It was his song after all--of course he knew it.

_ You always say you’re lucky _

_ But I’m the lucky one. _

_ Luckier now than ever _

_ Because every day I fall in love _

_ With you. _

 

_ Theodore… _

_ The one I adore… _

_ You said yes… _

_ And I won’t ever forget this day… _

_ The day I became the luckiest, happiest man _

_ In the entire world. _


	30. "I Am My Beloved, and My Beloved Is Mine."

Everything was according to plan. Jackson’s friends and entourage kept him far away from where Theodore was getting ready. He couldn’t be spoiled. It was bad luck to see the bride early, and Jackson just assumed the same was true for his groom. He knew that. But he was damn impatient. He just wanted to see Theodore, see what he looked like, see his suit and his beautiful eyes. He wanted nothing more than to cheat. To see Theodore, to risk the bad luck to catch a glimpse, a side smile, a glance. Jackson wanted nothing more. But Jackson knew that Theodore would be disappointed if Jackson looked and cheated, so he waited. Jackson waited patiently at the end of the long road in front of the countryside field that they’d chosen together.

Jackson had started counting the dandelions in front of him when his closest friends, JB and Mark, who were on either side, said, “Jackson, he’s coming up. Don’t turn yet.”

Jackson could hear the smiles in their voices, saw Mark’s hand go to his mouth, eyes sparkling. He knew Theodore looked radiant, Jackson didn’t see him to know that. But Jackson gripped his hands in front of him, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Then, JB stepped away and he heard the two best friends all excitedly talking.

“You look fantastic, Theo,” JB’s voice.

Theodore’s other friend, Lindsay, was busy giving a pep talk to Theodore, who could do nothing but eke out thank yous and giggle nervously.

Jackson couldn’t take it, “Can I turn yet?”

Jackson heard footsteps moving away from him, and heard JB talking to another person. The conversation sounded like the photographer. For pictures. That made sense.

Mark nodded, “Yeah, go ahead, buddy.”

Jackson, even through his excitement, turned slowly. Patiently. Then Jackson saw Theodore, in the dapper suit. His eyes twinkled with the promise of the future, his dark black hair perfectly coiffed. Jackson pursed his lips to keep his breath from being taken away. “You look so fucking handsome.”

His cheeks flushed, “Thank you, Jackson. You look really nice too.”

Jackson was ecstatic, amazed at him, how Theodore could look any more handsom than he ever did before. Jackson couldn’t stop touching Theodore’s shoulders, his hands, his cheeks, and he’d be damned if he didn’t want to kiss him everywhere he could reach but he knew he couldn’t. There was a special, important kiss waiting for them inside.

~*~

Theodore waited at the end of the make-shift aisle, and it felt a lot like the road earlier that morning. He waited, waited, waited.

The music started quietly, and Jackson instantly recognized that it wasn’t the typical bridal march. A smile broke across his face as he saw a couple of their musically inclined friends, a few kids from a local choir, and a few others of their friends (though less musically inclined) all singing.

 

_Let the bough break, let it come down crashing_

_Let the sun fade out to a dark sky_

_I can't say I'd even notice it was absent_

_Cause I could live by the light in your eyes_

This was just a Theodore thing to do. Something only his fiance would do. Almost husband. The love of his life.

_I'll unfold before you_

_What I've strung together_

_The very first words_

_Of a lifelong love letter_

The smile kept growing as a couple dancers (he recognized one of his friends among them) twirled baby-blue ribbons and danced around the small venue they’d chosen together. The lights sparkled against the glittery ribbons as they snapped through the air, and Jackson couldn’t stop himself from bopping along to the song from where he stood at the altar.

 

_Tell the world that we finally got it all right_

_I choose you_

_I will become yours and you will become mine_

_I choose you_

_I choose you_

And then Theodore came out, clutching his dad’s arm as he went down the aisle. Theodore’s eyes were radiant, and her bouquet of blues and whites, morning glories and baby’s breath, bluebirds and daisies, irises and lilies.

_There was a time when I would have believed them_

_If they told me you could not come true_

_Just love's illusion_

_But then you found me and everything changed_

_And I believe in something again_

Theodore was looking at Jackson with a tiny smile meant only for him. Jackson read the ‘I love you’ in his eyes, and aimed to send one back as Theodore walked up to the altar where Jackson stood.

 

_My whole heart_

_Will be yours forever_

_This is a beautiful start to a lifelong love letter_

The dancers took to the front of the seats, skipping and twirling as the choir lined up to the right, singing and swaying to their own beat as they went. The bridesmaids were lined to the left, each one smiling brighter.  The choir stopped themselves after the bridge.

_We are not perfect_

_We'll learn from our mistakes_

_And as long as it takes_

_I will prove my love to you._

_I am not scared of the elements_

_I am under-prepared, but I am willing_

_And even better_

_I get to be the other half of you._

The song faded to a close with the choir singing the refrain one last time, and then the officiant opened. “Today, there will be no dearly beloved, no betrothed, and no ancient rhyme of the married. Today, there will be no dead languages to solemnize vows that are very much alive and will remain so for a lifetime. Today, promises become permanent and friends become family.”

Jackson couldn’t help but smile a little at that. Theodore grinned back just as much. Friends become family.

“However, this day is not about the words spoken or the rings exchanged, nor is it about grand pronouncements and recessional marches. This day...the day of Jackson and Theodore’s wedding, is about love.”

Jackson was so happy he’d talked with the officiant before, asked him to throw out that boring shitty ‘dearly beloved’ crap and just write something from the heart. He wanted this to be genuine, for him and for Theodore. It was the biggest day in his life.

“One of my favorite authors once wrote, ‘If love is not all, then it is nothing: this principle, and its opposite, collide down all the years of my breathless tale.’”

Their love was a breathless tale indeed, Jackson conceded to himself.

“Jackson and Theodore, your breathless tale is about to begin.”

Damn right it was.

“If love is not all, then it is nothing. Its opposite--if love is all, then it is everything--is going to be the basis for every aspect of your relationship. All you have to do is simply love one another and that loves shows through in everything you do for one another, how you treat each other in good times and bad.

“Love isn’t just a word; it’s an action. Love isn’t something you say, it’s something you do.”

Jackson planned on loving Theodore as long as he lived, as long as he could.

“Love is genuine, honest, and open, compassionate and kind, passionate and blind. Love doesn’t know space or time, nor look through jealous eyes. Love never dies.”

Jackson hoped not. He couldn’t live without love, without Theodore’s especially.

“There are many kinds of love, most if not all of which are represented here today. There is romantic love, the love of parents and children, of brothers and sisters and family, and love among friends. Not only do Jackson and Theodore love one another romantically--and they do. You can see it in every look, every touch, every moment they’re together--they also love each other as friends.  In fact, they’re best friends. Constantly giggling, taunting, teasing, and very plainly and obviously having fun together. That love and enjoyment of each other as best friends will help sustain them through this marriage.”

Jackson loved these words, and hoped Theodore felt them as much as he did. He felt every word deep in his heart.

“In addition, the love collectively in this room, from friends and family, will help sustain and support the promises they make today. All of us here will help solidify this bond, as these two individuals are joined as husbands.

“This journey will at times be richly rewarding and extremely difficult. But, most importantly, it is a journey you take together.”

Jackson wouldn’t rather take that journey with anyone else but Theodore.

“Marriage is much more than your signatures on a legal contract. You are promising in front of all these people you love, that you want to be with each other and only each other for the rest of your lives, and that you will do everything in your power to honor the promises you are making here today. For their part, the people who love you will also do everything in their power to try to help you hold up your end of the bargain.”

A pause fell over the crowd, the officiant, all the patrons of the little venue.

Then, the officiant continued, “Now, the exchanging of vows.”

Theodore was to go first.

“Jackson Cole Lockhart. When you first met me, I was not the same man I am now. I could also tell from the start you were smitten with me.” A few people chuckled, and Jackson’s cheeks flushed. “But I thought it was sweet. When our first date was a walk through the park, I knew we were meant to be. When you kissed me the first time… I knew. I know each and every day I see you, each and every day I look into your eyes and see that spark. I love that we love the same things, but I love the differences too. I love that we can agree to disagree. I love your heart, I love how kind you are and how gentle and loving you are. I love that you support people through thick and thin. Sometimes, you need to learn to do that for yourself, too, Jackson.” He paused, wanting Jackson to really process that and take it to heart. “I love how funny you are, I love the quips and the wit, I love the laughter, and I love the sarcasm. I love how gifted you are, how skilled and smart you are. You always make me smile, and your smile lights up a room. It lights up my life, Jackson. You light up my life. I’m so happy and so lucky to spend the rest of my life with you. I promise to be the best I can be for you, to be your biggest fan in everything you do, to be your partner in crime. I promise to be your pranking partner, your muse, your confidant, and yours forever.”

Jackson smiled, eyes pricking with tears. He hardly ever cried, but Theodore always seemed to bring it out of him. And now it was Jackson’s turn to read his vows.

“Theodore Franklin Valentine. I admit it. I was smitten from the start. You had me from the get-go. I then had to win your heart, which, let me tell you, was no easy task.” People chuckled at this too. “You have the same spark. I see it when you laugh, when you cry, in ups and downs, happiness and sadness. I know that you don’t know that you worry, and that you think you’re over-emotional. But, I mean, look at me. I’m crying right now too.” He was going a bit off script, but Theodore didn’t mind. “It’s okay to worry, Theo.” Jackson was promising him. “You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. And that spark I was talking about earlier? It’s there right now. You look so handsome right now, it’s kind of crazy. Someone would think you’re getting married or something, huh?” Finally, Theodore’s professional façade broke and he laughed. Jackson giggled then too as the crowd did, excitedly saying, “Finally! Gotcha!” Theodore shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I love that you help people, that you listen and you’re there. I’ve seen you help so many people, I’ve seen you make so many people laugh. You’ve got such a good heart, and I adore that. I adore the love you have for others. I promise to make you laugh whenever possible, to engage in a tickle fight every week at least, to hold you when you cry, to cheer you on every day, to remind you every day how handsome you are, and to treat you with all the love you deserve and more.”

The officiant paused again, letting the words sink in. Then he said, “Are there any objections to these two being bonded together in matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

The room was silent. Dead silent.

Jackson let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“The rings, please?”

Jackson’s niece came up with the rings, dressed in a tiny, adorable baby blue dress. She handed them to the officiant, who smiled at her. Theodore had had the idea of getting silver, matching bands, with the etchings of the words, ‘I am my beloved, and my beloved is mine’ on them, in Korean, since that was Jackson’s second language. 나는 내 사랑이며, 내 사랑은 내 것이다. It looked so pretty on the band.

Lynn smiled at Jackson instead, saying, “Congratu....,” she struggled on the word. “Congratuwadeons, uncle!”

Jackson smiled in response, ruffling her hair. Lynn went back to her mom, and Jackson looked back at the officiant.

“Jackson, do you take Theodore to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Jackson nodded, and couldn’t stop himself, “Fuck yeah!”

The officiant chuckled, but continued on, “And Theodore, do you take Jackson to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Theodore smiled wide, “Uh, duh.”

A laugh shook the room. Jackson being a goofball was expected, but it seemed that Jackson brought out the goofiness in Theodore.

Then, the officiant handed them their rings, and they each slid them on each other.

“By the power vested in me by the city of Los Angeles, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may, uh, kiss your husband.”

Jackson pulled Theodore into a long kiss, dipping him and causing him to squeal as he went into it. With a satisfying smack, Jackson pulled away, and Theodore giggled.

Jackson took Theodore’s hand and walked him down the center aisle, smiling at everyone as they passed. They pushed through the doors, and entered the world as the Lockharts. Plural. Together.

~*~

The after party was in full effect. Some people were already drunk before the grooms had shown up. Jackson and Theodore showed up about a half hour after the party had started, due to pictures. There was countless congratulations and best wishes given to the newly married couple, but they didn’t really want to focus on that, only wanted to focus on each other.

JB was playing emcee for the night, using his best deejay voice, “The newly married couple has arrived! Everyone’s been congratulating them, I’m guessing?” A call from the crowd, whoops and hoots and hollers, answered his question. “Great! Now we’d like to invite the couple to the middle of the dance floor for their first dance.”

Jackson took Theodore’s hand gently, leading him to the middle of the floor as he’d been instructed. Then, ever the romantic sap, he grinned, “Can I have this toe-stepping, tripping-over-each-other’s-feet dance?”

And Theodore giggled, a smile creeping onto his face. He couldn’t resist his jokes, “Of course.”

_ There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done. _

_ Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung. _

_ Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play _

_ The game. It’s easy. _

He held his hand and twirled him, swaying slowly. Jackson had two left feet, but he knew how to step in place. He’d heard it plenty of times from friends. If you can’t dance, step in place in a circle.

_ All you need is love. _

_ All you need is love. _

_ All you need is love, love... _

_ Love is all you need. _

As Theodore moved closer, Jackson’s arm held tighter around his and he gently pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Theodore leaned against Jackson now, head resting on his shoulder sweetly. Jackson’s cheek rested against the top of his head as they revolved in the middle of the floor. Jackson caught the eyes of his friends as he passed them. JB. Mark. Lindsay. Laney. Kevin. Even the couples from the park the day of their proposal had been invited. The two brown haired girlfriends, and the other brunette with her strawberry haired boyfriend.

_ Nothing you can know that isn't known _

_ Nothing you can see that isn’t shown _

_ Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be. _

_ It’s easy. _

It was easy, Jackson agreed. He was meant to be right there with Theodore. Right there with the love of his life.

_ Love is all you need. _

The dance concluded and the two just smiled at each other, so impossibly in love. Then, the music went into full swing with a favorite of the two and people piled onto the floor to dance.

Jackson led Theodore away now, to sit at the tables where the grooms (and their respective entourages) were to sit. They sipped at champagne and laughed. There wasn’t much to do but sit and chat, kept in blissful conversation.

JB the emcee came back over the speakers, “Now I’d like to invite some of the friends and family of the bride and groom to tell some stories about them.”

Jackson groaned teasingly next to Theodore, who giggled.

Lindsay was the first to stand, and got the mic from JB, “Thanks, JB. I remember…” Everyone laughed at her story. JB told a short story, and everyone laughed at his too. Theodore’s father told the story about when Jackson met him, and Jackson just laughed nervously. He was still scared of Theodore’s dad, even though his dad loved Jackson anyways.

Jackson stood and told the story of how they first met, in explicit detail. Then he fast forwarded and told them about their first date. A third time he fast forwarded to his proposal in the park. He talked about how much he loved Theodore, how much he knew he loved Theodore, how that hasn’t, won’t ever change. Jackson wouldn’t have it any other way. Theodore was the love of Jackson’s life, and Jackson was Theodore’s.


End file.
